How I almost spend the night at Bulawayo Central Police- ecentrali ( A thread)

The year was 2014. Just finished law school so took a lil holiday to zim. So 2nd day there, one of my friends says says Lets go out njenge Ghelz. Went to 747 to tshisa nyama (indawo nabangane) then we go to I think it's the lounge or groove, the jazz place??

So yh we drive to the lounge, my friend - let's say Samantha is driving her husband's Benz (abanye abantwana bayakwazi ukukhomba). We get there everything is lit. Drinks are flowing. Its LIT

A man there was trying it. I told him I was married. He told me "tinofeka glove". But that's not that story that we are focusing on today. ANYWAY my other friend "Linda" says ah guys, I'm having problems with my man.(We are all pretty intoxicated at this point)

So we play the role of Auntie Thandi and listen. She says "Bongani" has been doing disappearing acts for the past few months so she suspects that she is cheating. Says she hasn't seen him in 2 weeks. So we come up with the bright idea to drive to his house that night

Zangenga umgwaqo iGhelz. Heavy K- Wena was on repeat

We got to the guys house- Matsheumhlophe. So We can see that lights are on - so someone is definitely home. Samantha opens the gate. We drive in........

Wena is still on full blasts by the way. We park the car and go to the door. We knock for a while. We are like haaa vele he is in there with his little girlfriend manje namuhla unyile

A woman in a night dress opens the door. She says salibonani. We greet her with attitude of course. She says lingobani. Me being me, I'm the loudest of course and I say WENA UNGUBANI

Linda says I am Bongani's girlfriend who the hell are you. She says I am his wife "Mrs Ngwenya"..... now let me give you some background. My friend had been dating this mean for over 4 years, there was a time she was literally living in that house. Where was this wife????

Anyway when she said wife ngazizwa ngiphela amandla. Ubulema bonke du. I even reduced the volume in the car

Next thing about 10 people came out of the house including the guy. So the wife says this woman says she is your girlfriend, do you know her. The guy looks at my friend and says "how do you know my name, ungazela ngaphi mina wena nkazana"

Bongani goes on to slap my friend and says ngamasela lawa. Asibatshayeni

I ran into the back seat of the car. About 6 women are hitting Samantha, they have grabbed the car keys off her. Then 3 men are hitting Linda

Yooo I am in the car shook. Because I know that when they are done with my friends, they are coming for me. Linda runs into the car with me, we are in the backseat holding the handles so they don't come in

One of the men comes with a huge stone and hits the window of the car. Some of the glass lands on Linda's face cutting her face. At this point I know I have to go because I am going to die in this place

I open the car door and I run for my life. I am wearing a dress and I actually pulled it to my waist and RAN. Even Usain couldn't catch me

I could hear someone running after me. I look behind and realise it's Linda who also ran away. But manje Samantha is left behind. Bayambonda stereki. Lucky for me I have an ex who lives close to the house so we run there. This is now around 2am

Get to the guys house and I bang on the gate. He comes out carrying weapons *rolls eyes*. I told him that we had been robbed and they took my friend and her car because how do I even begin to narrate this story?

He calls his boys. They all roll up and we make our way to the house (they are all carrying weapons Jesus). Hanti liyakwazi ukuthi amandebele lengqamu number 1. We get to the house, the car is still there smashed up but there is no one outside. The boys knock...

One person comes out and says to the boys amankaza lawa ngamasela. Bebephezulu kwama asbetos. Omunye wakhona simbizele amapholisa sebehambe laye. Phezu kwama asbetos guys??? I know we were lit but come on????

So we go to Hillside. Thinking that's where they took her dololo. At that point we knew it was Centrali... I started reciting my rosary at that point because I knew ukuthi kuzonyiwa

We get to Centrali and enter. We immediately see the guy his wife and the whole entourage. The tell the police ukuthi yibo laba. One guy says "yaaaaa Linda, Chelsea tanga takokumirirai. Bvisai bhutsu"- excuse my Shona spelling

I tried to tell them about my rights and my ex says wena Chelsea kuseZimbabwe la. Please do as they say, or else bayakutrabha la. I am holding onto him for dear life by the way. He was already an ex but that day the love was sweeting me. Knight in shining armour

Linda and I take off our shoes and they escort us to the back. We get to an interrogation room. Samantha is in there and her face was FUCKEDDD UP. it was swollen, bleeding and they had even pulled her braids out

In the interrogation room are 2 male officers and one woman. The woman was the chief or whatever. Anyway... she tells us that we are under arrest for robbery..........

All those years in lawschool Jesus. Anyway the men in there really had it in for us. They really weren't trying to hear us at all. So I saw that the best thing was to try and appeal to the woman

The first thing I said was madam does it make sense that 3 women would go and try to rob a house dresses the way we are dressed, in a Benz?

I told her that this man had been saying my friend for over 4 years. Had no idea he was married etc and Linda told her the story as well. She started to come round and she says "something similar happened to me when I was younger"

She calls Bongani into the room. And ask him Bongani do you know this woman. Bongani says is never madam. I have never seen her in my life!

She asks him again. He changes story to i met her one week ago in a bus, then changes to I've known her for 2 months. He keeps changing the story.... my friend says to prove that we have a relationship. I will give you some facts so you can verify with the wife

She told her the full name, date of birth, place of work, child's name (this is a child that he has with this wife by the way) which school the child goes to (she knows all this because she picks the child up and drops him off a lot). The child knows Linda very well

The woman believes us. She says to Bongani. I am going to bring your wife in and I want you to tell her the truth!

The wife comes in giving us dirty looks. We are told to go outside. He tells her the real deal. Bongani now comes outside to beg Linda for forgiveness . When they told the wife, the wife said she wasn't surprised because uBongani uyafeba

So we are thinking if you know ukuthi indoda yahoo iyafeba why beat people up who are innocent?? Anyway everything is out in the open, wife knows... They are told that they have to compensate us... kulendaba yeBenz phela. They will have to pay for repairs

And have to pay Samantha for her pain and suffering. Now the female office says to Samantha you have to call your husband but my best suggestion is that you tell him it was a hijacking because this story doesn't sound good. Your husband will stop you hanging with your friends

In comes Samantha's husband. They tell him that we were hijacked and they know where the car is and they are going to get it blah blah and know who did it so not to worry. Man he was so concerned about his wife

But ah... things are never straightforward... We discovered that Bongani's wife works with Samantha's husband.. She found him a few days later and told him that umfazi wakho labangane bakhe bayafeba lendoda zethu

Anyway. Bongani is still married to his psycho but still begging Linda to come back and it's been 4 years. Samantha is still happily married...

So the lessons here are... make sure that your bae isn't married ngoba bazakunanka and ending up eCentrali is never good ngoba kuyakurikita okungabafana lokhuyana. The end

Yo it just goes to show the lengths men will go to, to cover up their infidelity