Threads of Poems

“Ano to?”
She handed him the piece that would make her or break her, but she never cared.
“My heart”
“Why?”
“You lost yours, so im giving you mine.”

“When will i ever have your heart?” she said a tear falling from her left eye.
“You cant” he said looking behind her.
“why?” she asked searching for answers in his eyes.
“How can you have something thats already been stolen?” he said then looked at her.

she turned around to see what he was looking at a while ago. there stood the thief looking at us, smiling.

maybe i was enough, more than enough
but you just didn’t see
because you were so busy
looking for the love of your life
and then there was me.

you were sitting beside me and i cried, i cried so hard. because i know even though you’re here, with me, your thoughts wondered to “how is she?”

sa likod ng mga ngiti sana ako ang dahilan,
kung ikaw ay umiiyak gawin mo kong sandalan,
kung nanghihina na ang katawan,
ikaw ay aking proprotektahan.
——

——mahal ko ikaw lang ay lumaban
nasa tabi mo lang ako,
kamay mo’y aking hahawakan,
sana wag kang panghinaan.
kahit hindi ako ang pinaglalaban mo,
basta masaya ka lang mahal ko,
okay na ako.

He is my reason for laughing,
the guy in my imaginations while reading,
and my favorite feeling.

but he is also that guy. —

—He is the tears in the evening,
the guy i cant reach in my dreams when sleeping,
and the pain waking up in the morning.

to that guy, our story hasnt started but its already ending.

“Do you love me?”

“I dont want to lie..”

that fucking broke me.

the way you spoke had me listening,
the words that came out of your mouth had me wondering,
and the meaning of it killed me because i know it was you breaking.

i loved you for what you are,
i loved you for what you’re not.
and ill continue loving you with all that i’ve got.

if you were to come into my life,
please be careful with me because im already hurting.
if you asked me if im okay,
and i answered yes please know that im lying. —

— i dont know how much pain ive been through and im barely surviving.
everyday i keep smiling, laughing like nothing ever happened,
but inside? inside i was dying.

sa isang daang libong beses na tinanong ako, okay lang ang sabi ko.
sa isang daang libong beses na nasaktan ako, hinayaan ko.
sa isang daang libong beses na umiyak ako, pinunansan ko luha ko.
sa isang daang libong beses akong tumawa, ang sakit sakit na pala.
——

——
at sa mga isaang daang libong beses ko pa gagawin, sana ay kayanin.

“ang sakit, hindi ko na kaya.”

“kayanin mo”

“paano?”

“nandito lang naman ako sa tabi mo.” he smiled.

but then, i woke up. fuck it.

i did not want to lie about how i feel,
i did not want to keep it all inside,
i did not want be all by myself,
but i had to, because i didnt have much of a choice.
if one day i just disappeared, know that i just wanted to end this and never ever feel.

you mean the most to me more than any other human being i have met, but i havent.

sana otw ka na.

"dont leave m-" i said.

but before i can even finish you already slipped away.

"bakit? bakit ang sakit sakit?"

"kasi minahal mo ang hindi naman para sayo."

"hindi, para sakin siya alam ko."

"alam mo? alam ba niya? hindi. kasi ang alam niya para siya sa iba."

"sana ako nalang" i said as a tear left my eye looking at him.

"sana ako nalang din." he said then looked at her.

i looked at him straight in the eye and said,
"pagod na pagod na ako. pag laban mo naman ako oh, ngayon lang. one time lang, ako naman piliin mo, ako naman isipin mo, feelings ko naman ingatan mo. ngayon lang kasi ang sakit sakit na."

"stop! no! dont pull the trigger!"

"but i didnt.. he did."

ilang daang libong beses pa ba tayo masasaktan para malaman nating tama na?

he is worthy of all the love that i have left.

you’re cuter than you think you are. grr

you have to stop, because i cant.

"Mahal mo ko?"

"Mahal na mahal" he answered.

"Bakit?" she asked.

nasa point na siya ng buhay niya na kung may magsabing mahal siya tatanungin niya nalang kung bakit. kasi sa daming beses na sinaktan siya at iniwan hindi niya na alam kung may kamahal mahal ba talaga sakanya.

"give me the fucking chance i deserve."

“baby”

“hmm?”

“i wont love anyone as much as i love you. lmao fuck that shit. i wont love anyone because ill only love you.”

ang sakit sakit gago
hindi ko alam san ako kakapit pagkawala mo,
hindi ko alam sino lalapitan ko dahil wala ka na dito,
hindi ko alam kung bakit mo ako biglang iniwan,
hindi ko alam kung san ulit ako maguumpisa,
—

—
hindi ko alam kung meron pa ba akong iluluha,
hindi ko alam.. putangina hindi ko talaga alam.
kasi para sakin ikaw lang sapat na, pero nawala pa.

he’s the story behind every story.

“are you tired of me?”

“never. ill keep fighting for you, for us. because ive never loved something so much in my whole life as much as i love you so im not giving this up.”

“dont make me fall if dont have any intentions of catching me”

“i pushed you for a reason.”

“I’m sorry, please..” he begged.

she only smiled and walked away.

game over.

“you still love me right??” he hoped.

“i got tired.” she smiled

please dont wait for my heart to turn into stone cold before you love me.

"kunwari ako pinili mo,
kunwari merong ikaw at ako,
kunwari merong tayo.

ang sakit sakit,
kasi alam kong kahit kunwari lang to,
hinihiliging ko na sana maging totoo."

“you dont do that to me!”

“do what?”

“make me worry to much. you dont do that..” she said while a tear drops from her eye

“im sorry baby.” then he hugged her so tight she forgot what she was even worried about in the first place.

“come here, i know you’re not okay..” she reached for his hand and looked him in the eyes.

“im tired”

“rest love, i got you.” she kissed him and then hugged him while he falls asleep in her arms.

“mahirap ba akong mahalin?” she asked

“no”

“so bakit?” pleading for an answer.

“hindi ka mahirap mahalin, mahirap lang talaga siyang kalimutan.”

“pagnawala ba ko mamimiss mo ko?”

“hindi”

“ah.. okay”

“kasi hindi kita hahayaang mawala.” then he kissed my lips.

they loved playing her so much,
she learned and became the game herself. beware she’s tricky.

i was always the option,
never the choice.

i chose to love you despite the broken heart because every time i hear you say i love you i can feel a piece of your heart completing mine.

“take my hand.. take my whole life too” he sang and reached for my hand.

“ayoko, bibitawan mo lang ako” he laughed and turned around.

“lika”

“ha?” taka kong tanong.

“lika sakay ka sa likod ko.”

“bakit?”

“para hindi lang kamay mo hawak ko kundi buong buhay ko.”

“kilala mo?” someone asked.

i smiled. “thats my baby”

i saw him in the middle of the crowd, surrounded by people who adored him.

“bat di mo siya puntahan?”

“hirap niya abutin eh, okay na kong nandito lang.”

he will always be there for people,
and i’ll always be here for him.

ikaw bahala sakanila love,
ako bahala sayo.

"kaya mo?" he asked.

i looked at hime and smiled. "kakayanin syempre, basta nandyan ka."

"hindi lang ako nandito para sayo, tutulungan pa kita."

life had been so much easier when he was around. heavy baggages became light ones and i was able to handle it. basta nandyan siya.

"mahal mo or mahal ka?"

"mahal ako, its not hard to love someone, it only is when you already love someone else."

"do you know what hurts most when you lose someone?"

"what?"

"questioning your worth."

i wish i wish upon a star,
to feel my beloved thats very far.