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I& #39;m so happy for Timothée Chalamet getting his Oscar nomination, really I am but I can& #39;t read about him without having a massive stress flashback to that time I accidentally kissed his dad on the mouth in front of his wife
so timothée& #39;s mom and my mom went to high school together, their class got back in touch over facebook ~5 years ago. Mama Nedd invited a bunch of her old classmates to our annual holiday party, Tim& #39;s parents showed up! Ok, nice to meet you both.
it should come as no surprise to anyone that timothée& #39;s father is
1) very good-looking
2) very french
3) did i mention he is handsome and french?
1) very good-looking
2) very french
3) did i mention he is handsome and french?
(tim& #39;s mother is a lovely, sophisticated woman and I hope to god she has forgotten this story, I hope to every god in the heavens everyone but me has forgotten)
Anyway I open the door to greet them, welcome them in, hug Tim& #39;s mom, introduce myself, turn to Tim& #39;s Hot Dad and go in for a hug but I DID NOT KNOW THE FRENCH DO NOT HUG
The french kiss on the cheek. I decide to play it cool*
The french kiss on the cheek. I decide to play it cool*
*if you& #39;ve followed me for any length of time you& #39;ll recognize & #39;i decide to play it cool& #39; as the signal that everything is about to fall apart, as is the pattern in my miserable life
I swerve my head around to get that first cheek kiss in! Nailed it, *muah*, I& #39;m practically an American girl in Paris right now.
Ain& #39;t nobody told me there was gonna be a second kiss tho.
Ain& #39;t nobody told me there was gonna be a second kiss tho.
All I know if I was moving my face away from his face but Mr. Chalamet was not. He went in the same direction. Panic. What the fuck. Where am I going? Where does this end?
It ends in me planting history& #39;s noisiest smooch directly on his lips.
It ends in me planting history& #39;s noisiest smooch directly on his lips.
My eyes are like saucers, I turn to see Tim& #39;s mom standing there aghast. Nobody speaks. I think now would be a beautiful time for god to take me into his arms. FINALLY, my mom rolls up and whisks Nicole and Marc off for a tour of our house. I& #39;m...not doing great.
there& #39;s no neat button to the end of the story. Tim was still in high school at the time, later his mom told me he wanted to act and I distinctly remember thinking "I hope that kid isn& #39;t in anything I want to see or I& #39;ll be forced to think about the kiss forever"
so uh....fuck me I guess
congrats timothée on your wild, sure to be long-lasting success.
congrats timothée on your wild, sure to be long-lasting success.
