I was admitted to Life Poortview on 3 April 2013 - my 37th birthday.
Dr Marlin McKay had seen me on 1 April 2013 - the day of my mental breakdown.
Diagnosis: major depressive disorder #MDD #Depression

Orientation.
I was given a file with the timetable for the Green Group.
Psychiatric admissions are usually 21 days. I was happy.
Happy to be getting the medical help that I so desperately needed #MDD #Depression

RECAP: the days leading up to 1 April 2013 had been harrowing. I had no self-esteem, I was incapable of making simple decisions, I had lost 13kg with no effort, I had no appetite, and I was always sleeping #MDD #Depression

I had become VERY sensitive to noise. I had never experienced this before. I moved out of the main bedroom because it was close to the noisy Goldman Street. The guest bedroom was quieter but I still struggled #MDD #Depression

I became obsessed with finding the best set of earplugs. I needed to shut the noise out. Nothing helped. I was also very pre-occupied with death. My wish was to sleep and not wake up. I prayed that every day #MDD #Depression

Manie was 16 months old. He used to wake up early if he had a soiled nappy and make noise to get attention. Marinus was fast asleep in the main bedroom. Nandi was also fast asleep. I heard Manie from the guest bedroom. I knew what he needed #MDD #Depression

But I could not get out of bed. I KNEW that my son needed a nappy change. I KNEW that he was in his camp cot and trying to get someone's attention. I KNEW that he was feeling uncomfortable but I had NO will to get out of bed. I lay there crying #MDD #Depression

Manie went quiet. Then he started again. I stayed in bed crying. Eventually just after sunrise I SMSed Dr Natasha Davies. I needed to talk. She called back and I broke down. I remember telling her "I can't do this anymore" #MDD #Depression

Natasha was awesome. She advised me to call my GP and get urgent help. After speaking to Natasha I phoned Marinus. I couldn't speak. I was just crying. He rushed to the guest bedroom and I told him that I needed professional help. The time had come #MDD #Depression

I got up and showered. And got into bed - in the main bedroom. Marinus asked Eunice to come in and clean the house. She was weekend off but she came in. I had stopped being a mother months before. If Eunice wasn't around, nothing got done. Nothing. #MDD #Depression

Dr Marlin was called and within the hour he was at our house with his wife Shanni. They found me in the main bedroom curled up in bed. Marlin took one look at me and he knew. He asked about five questions and immediately diagnosed me with #MDD #Depression

I told Marlin that my mom and aunt had not believed me when I told them that I had #depression . Nobody had believed me. So I asked Marlin to arrange everything that needed to be arranged - and then we would tell my mom and aunt. He did just that #MDD #depression

My boss was called. The psychiatrist was called. Discovery was called. The hospital was called. My mom and aunt were called last. They were told that I was unwell and that I needed to be admitted to a psychiatric hospital. It was done. No going back now #MDD #Depression

#Serotonin is the "happy" in our lives.
It is a chemical neurotransmitter. Our serotonin buckets must be full for us to function optimally.
This was my first lesson at Life Poortview #MDD #Depression

My #Serotonin bucket is filled by many things including Twitter and #bubbly
#MDD #Depression

Life is not a bed of roses.
#MDD #Depression

Life makes holes in the #Serotonin bucket
Last week Man Utd fans had lots of holes punched into their serotonin buckets by Lukaku "TD"
Petty example but you get it.
A laugh here and there and the bucket gets refilled.
#MDD #Depression

#Serotonin levels rise again and all is well.
Man Utd fans recover from Lukaku "TD" and move on to tormenting other football teams

However ...

#MDD #Depression

Life sometimes gashes the #Serotonin bucket

#MDD #Depression

The #Serotonin bucket starts emptying rapidly

You do the usual "happy" things but this time it's not working.

You can't get out of the slump

You try new methods of "happy" - alcohol, cocaine, weed, Instagram, sex, church, Twitter, travel, etc

Nothing helps
#MDD #Depression

Until one day the "happy" is gone.

The #Serotonin bucket is empty

#MDD Major Depressive Disorder

#Depression

You need a medical intervention. This was me on 1 April 2013

Diagnosis of #MDD Major Depressive Disorder via Dr @kbmog

I was a textbook case of #MDD #Depression

I am going to list the medication I was started on.

Dr @kbmog is going to quote each tweet and give the reason for each medication.

I shall RT each explanation

#MDD #Depression
Major Depressive Disorder

1. Fluoxetine 20mg daily then titrated up to Fluoxetine 40mg daily

#MDD #Depression

2. Trazodone taken once daily

#MDD #Depression

3. Urbanol taken twice daily

#MDD #Depression

4. Lamotrigine taken twice daily

#MDD #Depression

5. Dormonoct taken at night only

#MDD #Depression

6. Wellbutrin 300mg taken once daily was added at my 8 week check-up.

My mom had died the week before and I was on a very slippery slope

#MDD #Depression

I started feeling better after 3 months of treatment.

It would have happened sooner had my mother not passed away 7 weeks after my breakdown and admission.

I woke up one day and I felt "happy" . It's difficult to explain but I felt it.
#MDD #Depression

I was a VERY good patient.

It would have been easy for me to be a Prima Donna with my psychiatrist Dr Caren van Wyk and remind her that I was also a medical doctor.

I didn't do that.

I was a patient.

I needed help and Dr Caren was providing the help

#MDD #Depression

My meds were tapered down from beginning of 2016

I have my antidepressants and anti-anxiety tablets on stand-by.

#CBT Cognitive Behavioural Therapy has equipped me with #SelfCare strategies - adult colouring books, #adult ballet , mall trawling, etc

#MDD #Depression

Major side-effects for me on #medication :

- dry eyes and mouth. The eyes were a problem because I wear contact lenses. But that passed

- loss of libido: eish eish eish. That's all I'm going to say

- weight loss: some of the medication suppresses appetite

That was my experience.

As time went on, my life slowly returned to normal. I was fortunate enough to be able to leave my then job and be a Desperate Housewife for 8 months. I really did not want to return to clinical work but God had other plans #MDD #Depression

Aside: there is a soapie unfolding on my TL authored by @RicharddeNooy ... I am loving it! Writers are amazing!

My DMs are closed until 17h00. I have a backlog of DMs and once I have cleared them I shall open up my DMs