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NYSC Camp Log: Day 1. Entry 1:
Wetin be this??? I don die.
Wetin be this??? I don die.
Day 1. Entry 2:
Nope. No. Non. Nein. Geen.
Nope. No. Non. Nein. Geen.
Day 1. Entry 3:
I have befriended some of my more civilised fellow inmates during the strenuous registration process. We have formed a gang and have already bribed our way through parts of the process.
I have befriended some of my more civilised fellow inmates during the strenuous registration process. We have formed a gang and have already bribed our way through parts of the process.
Day 1. Entry 4:
I have found the “mammy” you people speak of tonight. I see.
I have found the “mammy” you people speak of tonight. I see.
Day 1. Entry 5:
I poured Dettol into my bathing water and the Dettol wanted nothing to do with the water. Just floated on top & refused to mix like palm oil.
I poured Dettol into my bathing water and the Dettol wanted nothing to do with the water. Just floated on top & refused to mix like palm oil.
Day 1. Entry 6:
Fuck.
Fuck.
Day 1. Entry 7:
As I lay on a spring bunk bed for the first since I was born, in a room filled with strangers, I have all the confirmation I need: This has been the worst day of my life.
As I lay on a spring bunk bed for the first since I was born, in a room filled with strangers, I have all the confirmation I need: This has been the worst day of my life.
Day 2. Entry 1:
We woke up by 4am. Had a parade for 3 hours. As I’m typing this I am locked in my hostel toilet. I just finished crying to my Mummy on the phone.
We woke up by 4am. Had a parade for 3 hours. As I’m typing this I am locked in my hostel toilet. I just finished crying to my Mummy on the phone.
Day 2. Entry 2:
The toilet in my wing has a cleaner. I was so happy when I saw the woman that I hugged her and tipped her 1k. She probably thinks I’m crazy but better to be crazy and have clean toilets.
The toilet in my wing has a cleaner. I was so happy when I saw the woman that I hugged her and tipped her 1k. She probably thinks I’m crazy but better to be crazy and have clean toilets.
Day 2. Entry 3:
Swearing in ceremony. The tailor at mammy fucked up my khakis. Everyone has long khakis tucked into their socks & boots. My khakis, however, have assumed the stance of a trendy Covenant University boy’s trousers. Oversize top tho. Soulja Boy meets Micheal Jackson.
Swearing in ceremony. The tailor at mammy fucked up my khakis. Everyone has long khakis tucked into their socks & boots. My khakis, however, have assumed the stance of a trendy Covenant University boy’s trousers. Oversize top tho. Soulja Boy meets Micheal Jackson.
Day 2. Entry 4:
This is the first & last time you will see a photo of me in NYSC gear. Photo credit: @TheOgenna
This is the first & last time you will see a photo of me in NYSC gear. Photo credit: @TheOgenna
Day 2. Entry 5:
I just paid N350 for a 50cl bottle of Lucozade boost. Meanwhile to faint is free oh.
I just paid N350 for a 50cl bottle of Lucozade boost. Meanwhile to faint is free oh.
Day 2. Entry 6:
I just found out this parade business is more than once a day.
Send. Help. Plis.
I just found out this parade business is more than once a day.
Send. Help. Plis.
Day 2. Entry 7:
I witnessed them have to teach a university graduate where her left and right is. Repeatedly.
I witnessed them have to teach a university graduate where her left and right is. Repeatedly.
Day 2. Entry 8:
“Bros. You no go piss for floor for this kind toilet oh. Waka go close small abeg. Just do make the piss enter that place wey water dey. Ehn. No piss for floor again oh”. You can imagine what he would do if he needed to take a shit before he met me.
Send. Help.
“Bros. You no go piss for floor for this kind toilet oh. Waka go close small abeg. Just do make the piss enter that place wey water dey. Ehn. No piss for floor again oh”. You can imagine what he would do if he needed to take a shit before he met me.
Send. Help.
Day 2. Entry 9:
Just shared half a bucket of water with a guy cos it was lights out & he couldn’t go fetch. This is how lifelong bonds are formed. Whoever came up with “Blood is thicker than water” did not go to NYSC orientation camp. Goodnight.
Just shared half a bucket of water with a guy cos it was lights out & he couldn’t go fetch. This is how lifelong bonds are formed. Whoever came up with “Blood is thicker than water” did not go to NYSC orientation camp. Goodnight.
Day 3. Entry 1:
I WILL FIND WHOEVER BLOWS THAT TRUMPET BY 4AM AND I WILL BEAT HIM TO DEATH WITH THAT DAMN TRUMPET so help me god
I WILL FIND WHOEVER BLOWS THAT TRUMPET BY 4AM AND I WILL BEAT HIM TO DEATH WITH THAT DAMN TRUMPET so help me god
Day 3. Entry 2:
Mannerless people refused to leave their body odour at home. My nose is beginning to adjust. Scary.
Mannerless people refused to leave their body odour at home. My nose is beginning to adjust. Scary.
Day 3. Entry 3:
They stole the water from my buckets.
They stole the water from my buckets.
Day 3. Entry 4:
They stole my buckets.
They stole my buckets.
Day 3. Entry 5:
My platoon just finished Man O’ War drills. Please send help.
My platoon just finished Man O’ War drills. Please send help.
Day 4. Entry 6:
Got new buckets(and new water)
Got new buckets(and new water)
Day *3. Entry 7:
I’ve just announced in my room that if I wake to find my buckets(or water) missing then nobody will have their baths that morning. Goodnight.
I’ve just announced in my room that if I wake to find my buckets(or water) missing then nobody will have their baths that morning. Goodnight.
Day 3. Entry 8:
A wing of my hostel is currently lying flat on the grass outside because they were making noise after lights out. Tsk.
A wing of my hostel is currently lying flat on the grass outside because they were making noise after lights out. Tsk.
Day 3. Entry 9:
Women Are Scum: Mutaru’s Story. A mini thread: https://twitter.com/__gershom/status/934174386332094464
Women Are Scum: Mutaru’s Story. A mini thread: https://twitter.com/__gershom/status/934174386332094464
Day 4. Entry 1:
My buckets(and water) are intact. We are all now moving together with self respect in this room. Before you begin your day, spare a prayer for Mutaru. Good morning.
My buckets(and water) are intact. We are all now moving together with self respect in this room. Before you begin your day, spare a prayer for Mutaru. Good morning.
Day 4. Entry 2:
Sat in the room & some guy is complaining about how things are run in the kitchen. “Dem serve 3 girls before me! 3! No be dem suppose wait make men collect food first before woman go chop? How dem dey do like this for this NYSC?”
Sat in the room & some guy is complaining about how things are run in the kitchen. “Dem serve 3 girls before me! 3! No be dem suppose wait make men collect food first before woman go chop? How dem dey do like this for this NYSC?”
Day 4. Entry 3:
The guy beside my bunk is continuously chanting “Wine has corrupted the minds of men. Men are running mad because of wine”.
The guy beside my bunk is continuously chanting “Wine has corrupted the minds of men. Men are running mad because of wine”.
Day 4. Entry 4:
The toilets in one of the girls’ hostels got bad and the camp officials made us in our boys’ hostel swap hostels with them. See this patriarchy thing I’ve been complaining about since?
The toilets in one of the girls’ hostels got bad and the camp officials made us in our boys’ hostel swap hostels with them. See this patriarchy thing I’ve been complaining about since?
Day 4. Entry 5:
They’ve moved us to a new place with useable toilets(That lock). Thank God.
They’ve moved us to a new place with useable toilets(That lock). Thank God.
Day 4. Entry 6:
Someone tried to open the toilet door I was inside and saw it was locked and still proceeded to knock. I couldn’t help myself. I replied “Yes come in”.
Someone tried to open the toilet door I was inside and saw it was locked and still proceeded to knock. I couldn’t help myself. I replied “Yes come in”.
Day 4. Entry 7:
Beer!!!! Finally!!!! My tears of joy are mixing with the lager fam. For these next few moments before the cup in my hand is empty; all is right with the world
Beer!!!! Finally!!!! My tears of joy are mixing with the lager fam. For these next few moments before the cup in my hand is empty; all is right with the world
Day 5. Entry 1:
I woke up by 4am and started running to the bathroom before I remembered it’s Sunday and I’m free.
I woke up by 4am and started running to the bathroom before I remembered it’s Sunday and I’m free.
Day 5. Entry 2:
I’ve found a woman selling hot water for bathing. I’m crying fam. God rewards his own.
I’ve found a woman selling hot water for bathing. I’m crying fam. God rewards his own.
Day 5. Entry 3:
There are no sockets in the room and we’re not allowed to charge phones in our room. Just walked back into my room tonight and saw this. If I’m going to die let it not be like this.Plis send help.
There are no sockets in the room and we’re not allowed to charge phones in our room. Just walked back into my room tonight and saw this. If I’m going to die let it not be like this.Plis send help.
Day 6. Entry 1:
5:50am lectures
5:50am lectures
Day 6. Entry 2:
9am SAED lectures
9am SAED lectures
Day 6. Entry 3: https://twitter.com/__gershom/status/935200524537823237
There was no day 7 entries because my body finally gave in and I fell sick.
Day 8. Entry 1:
There’s a rumour going around camp that some corp members were caught having sex with soldiers behind the mammy market
There’s a rumour going around camp that some corp members were caught having sex with soldiers behind the mammy market
Entry 1 contd:
Day 8. Entry 2:
They called some girls out during parade and I don’t know if the rumours are true but I’m still judging them
They called some girls out during parade and I don’t know if the rumours are true but I’m still judging them
Day 8. Entry 3:
1/4 of the camp has collected exeats for “medical reasons”. There’s more fainting at parades than at a Reinhard Bonkke crusade. I myself have contemplated telling the doctors I have epilepsy.
1/4 of the camp has collected exeats for “medical reasons”. There’s more fainting at parades than at a Reinhard Bonkke crusade. I myself have contemplated telling the doctors I have epilepsy.
Day 9. Entry 1:
No matter how early you wake up, there’s always someone already up and fully dressed for the day. I’m not even sure men sleep anymore. Probably just sit like robots and wait till it’s time to leave the room.
No matter how early you wake up, there’s always someone already up and fully dressed for the day. I’m not even sure men sleep anymore. Probably just sit like robots and wait till it’s time to leave the room.
Day 10. Entry 1:
It’s been a very testing morning. Someone woke up by 3:30am to freestyle rap & wouldn’t stop until I threatened to stab him with a fork in his sleep.
It’s been a very testing morning. Someone woke up by 3:30am to freestyle rap & wouldn’t stop until I threatened to stab him with a fork in his sleep.
Day 10. Entry 2:
Oh remember that haphazard charger connection? Well the ting went skrrrrp pap pap pap and now the entire hostel is in darkness. Everybody inside is going to serve punishment
Oh remember that haphazard charger connection? Well the ting went skrrrrp pap pap pap and now the entire hostel is in darkness. Everybody inside is going to serve punishment
Day 10. Entry 3:
They caught a married woman having sex with a soldier. The soldier has been sent out of camp, they’ve called the woman’s husband to come get his womans. She’s on toilet duty in the meantime.
They caught a married woman having sex with a soldier. The soldier has been sent out of camp, they’ve called the woman’s husband to come get his womans. She’s on toilet duty in the meantime.
There were no Day 11 Entries because network disappeared in camp almost all day
Day 12. Entry 1:
I’ve successfully launched a coup to remove the incumbent and have been named as the new hostel governor. This is all part of my master plan to find who stole my buckets and get revenge. I can assign people to toilet duty, you see.
I’ve successfully launched a coup to remove the incumbent and have been named as the new hostel governor. This is all part of my master plan to find who stole my buckets and get revenge. I can assign people to toilet duty, you see.
Day 12. Entry 2:
They’ve installed an ATM in camp after almost 2 weeks but we still don’t have toilets that can flush. Priorities.
They’ve installed an ATM in camp after almost 2 weeks but we still don’t have toilets that can flush. Priorities.
Day 12. Entry 3:
The ATM occasionally shocks people.
The ATM occasionally shocks people.
Day 14. Entry 1:
We found a large snake by one of the hostel windows and everyone started shouting for the hostel Governor. My nigga do I fucking look like Steve fucking Irwin?
We found a large snake by one of the hostel windows and everyone started shouting for the hostel Governor. My nigga do I fucking look like Steve fucking Irwin?
Day 14. Entry 2:
Some of my roommates were clowning a guy for spending N2200 on a babe at mammy last night.
Me:
Some of my roommates were clowning a guy for spending N2200 on a babe at mammy last night.
Me:
Day 14. Entry 3:
The igbo guys seem to be the best to have random conversations with(as long as you’re not discussing women). They have funniest stories
The igbo guys seem to be the best to have random conversations with(as long as you’re not discussing women). They have funniest stories
Day 14. Entry 4:
Yoruba corpers seem to be incapable of speaking English. So so “kiloshele” and “kilometre” from morning till night.
Yoruba corpers seem to be incapable of speaking English. So so “kiloshele” and “kilometre” from morning till night.
Day 14. Entry 5:
The northerners hardly ever mix. Always clustered together, whispering and conspiring.
The northerners hardly ever mix. Always clustered together, whispering and conspiring.
Day 15. Entry 1:
I’ve spent so much money in mammy and I’ve started eating into my December flex money. Mans is even considering eating the NYSC kitchen food
I’ve spent so much money in mammy and I’ve started eating into my December flex money. Mans is even considering eating the NYSC kitchen food
Day 17. Entry 1:
........
........
Day 17. Entry 2:
We refer to him as Maazi. He’s 38. He wakes up this joyful every morning because he hasn’t had to deal with his wife at home for weeks.
We refer to him as Maazi. He’s 38. He wakes up this joyful every morning because he hasn’t had to deal with his wife at home for weeks.
Day 17. Entry 3:
My pidgin has been refined to almost Warri-like levels. I now pronounce “Ch” as “Sh”
My pidgin has been refined to almost Warri-like levels. I now pronounce “Ch” as “Sh”
Day 17. Entry 4:
I’ve also updated my pidgin vocabulary:
‘Achiever’[Pronounced ‘Asheever’ of course]: A petty thief, larcenist, pilferer.
Eg: Achievers don achieve my bucket.
I’ve also updated my pidgin vocabulary:
‘Achiever’[Pronounced ‘Asheever’ of course]: A petty thief, larcenist, pilferer.
Eg: Achievers don achieve my bucket.
Day 17. Entry 5:
DEM DON PAY ALLOWEEEEEEE! EVERYBODY PHONE FOR CAMP DON RECEIVE SYNCHRONISED ALERT!
DEM DON PAY ALLOWEEEEEEE! EVERYBODY PHONE FOR CAMP DON RECEIVE SYNCHRONISED ALERT!
Day 17. Entry 6:
Mood.
Mood.
Day 21:
Freedom.
Freedom.
First Day Of Freedom:
I have PTSD. Heard them blowing whistles in my sleep and got up and started running to the bathroom by 4am. Sigh.
I have PTSD. Heard them blowing whistles in my sleep and got up and started running to the bathroom by 4am. Sigh.
