Twitter must introduce voice notes. I'm already exhausted by this thread. Wish I could voice note the rest of it

I also learnt to diminish myself. It takes a certain number of "you're too this" and "you're too that" before you start finding fault and start changing these so-called 'faults.

I had two serious boyfriends in my teens and Mr Heartbreak Hotel was one of them. He's the person I tried my hardest to be The Perfect Wife for. I was all of 18 but there I was cooking chicken stew and rice

I smoked for a very long time. That's all in my future book. Mr Heartbreak Hotel didn't always approve. So you "fix" that. You're always changing for this person. It's so exhausting but you're The Perfect Wife loading so you have to do what you have to do

Mr Heartbreak Hotel broke my heart into smithereens. Pieces pieces pieces. You know those letters of forgiveness that you write in therapy and burn later on? My letter was to Mr Heartbreak Hotel

My next relationship after Mr Heartbreak Hotel was the one-night stand I dragged into a messy four-year debacle. I was dating a Zimbabwean man in South Africa. And trying to be The Perfect Wife. That relationship was to be my last one before Marinus came into my life

I'll call him Mr Serial Cheater. He was toxic. He came from a nuclear family, found fault with my single-parent upbringing and made me feel like absolute trash. Looking back I was desperate. I wanted this one-night stand to morph into a fairytale marriage

So what did I do? I became the subservient Zimbabwean woman I had convinced myself he was looking for. His place was everyone's favourite hangout because Sindi the Domestic Goddess was ever ready for a braai. His friends would bring different side-chicks. I smiled througout

*throughout

"Stop drinking Black Label" . I stopped drinking Black Label. "Stop drinking Amstel" . I stopped drinking Amstel. "Stop smoking in front of my friends" . I stopped smoking in front of his friends. "Be nice to my friends' girlfriends" I was nice to his friends' girlfriends

Self-awareness is an essential skill in life. But sometimes it hurts. I felt as if I was watching myself in a movie. I would look at myself around Mr Serial Cheater and not recognise the person that was being subservient and obedient and performing The Perfect Zimbabwean Wife

By the time Mr Serial Cheater dumped me I was a shell. I didn't recognise myself. It was 1999. I was in my final year of my BSc. I had been accepted into medicine. He dumped me over the phone and got married 10 months later

I went to the campus psychologist for therapy. Her name was Leeuwtje. I didn't speak much. I would sit there and cry. The second time I saw her, she broke protocol. She told me that Jesus loved me, that I had to get born-again and that she would pray for me. Never saw her again

I started medicine in 2000 and in March 2001 I got born-again miraculously. Marinus and I met in June 2001 - again miraculously. In November 2001 we started our courtship and the rest is history!

So when someone asks me "how does your husband cope with you" I'm serving side-eye

He is not "coping" with anything.
He accepts me and loves me just as I am.
Warts and all.
I am loved

Gogo @noksangoma tweeted a bit about this.
But it is highly insulting when I get told "unenhlanhla uthol'umlungu. A black man would never tolerate your brand of madness"
Someone has said this to me.

I've also been told "if you were my wife I'd probably beat you up daily because uyadelela" .
Being yourself is regarded as ukudelela