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This is the geezer 101 thread. 101 ways to be a geezer, or become one, or just to cross reference that you& #39;re doing it right...
1. Never grass. (Unless you have absolute solid gold evidence of nonce behaviour)
2. Always remember the 3 golden rules when coming under fire from women or law enforcement.
DENY.
DENY.
DENY.
DENY.
DENY.
DENY.
3. Tip.. a pre date wank can improve sexual performance later on by 5 mins
4. Be kind to animals
5. Always back your mates up in the face of adversity. If u need to have a word later then do so in private.
6. Treat people as you would wish to be treated yourself.
7. Remember that nobody knows you better than you know yourself. Trust your gut instinct
8. If a bird wants to change u, then she doesn& #39;t actually like who u are. Think about it. Why did she get with u if she wants a diff u?
9. Pay your debts.
10. Be generous when you are in a situation to do so. Doesn& #39;t have to be ££. Share your fucking lawnmower if it makes someone& #39;s life easier
11. Be open minded. Accept other opinions even if you disagree. This is REAL knowledge. Be open to possibilities other than what you believe
12. Stay hydrated
13. Do not drink Fosters or Carling or Carlsberg at any time. If you have shit to do and can& #39;t handle your lager, then don& #39;t drink.
14. If you need a shit then just find somewhere where there are no kids about and use your boxer shorts as toilet paper after
15. If you need a shit use a toilet. But if there are no toilets nearby then please see rule 14.
16. Dance
17. Do not have some silly song as your ring tone that you makes you answer your phone in 2 seconds flat cos you& #39;re embarrassed
18. If you can afford to. Invest in a good pair of shades and a good watch.
19. Do not play videos or music on your phone to your mates at a high volume in a public place. No one wants to hear that shit
20. Don& #39;t be a fucking liability. You are an adult. We all get in situations but don& #39;t be that one who always needs everyone else at a party
21. Personal hygiene is important. Wash daily & smell nice. Unless you& #39;re on a sesh. Then this can be ignored for as long as you please.
22. Don& #39;t say no to drugs. Don& #39;t say yes to drugs. Just do what you want when it comes to personal choice. Ask questions before you try.
23. Try to make money in whatever way you can. Whether that& #39;s a car boot sale or a big fuck off growroom. You& #39;ll never survive on a 9-5
24. Take chances. But don& #39;t endanger others lives or livelihoods. Just your own, if needs must.
25. Eat well and eat shit. Your body is a temple and all that but Christ who& #39;d wanna die without ever eating a whole large pizza to yourself
26. Be courteous. Open doors for people. Say please and thank you. Let people out while driving. Takes 30 seconds of your time.
27. Be totally aware of your surroundings. Whether you& #39;re in a supermarket or in a ghetto. Don& #39;t get in people& #39;s way, but also be ready
28. Media. Watch loads of films, or read lots of books. They will enhance your dialogue, and your knowledge.
29. Visit pubs
30. Mind your own business. Beware those who talk only about other people, because when they& #39;re with other people they& #39;ll be talking about u
31. Talk to people if you& #39;re down. Doesn& #39;t matter if you& #39;re Mr. Hardnut. You& #39;ll gain more respect & become far more of a person by doing so
32. Three of the best phrases in the entire English language are "fuck it" "ah well" and "ok". Very versatile. Use them
33. Research conspiracy theories, but do not be delusional that everything is a false flag - sometimes people really are cunts too.
34. Do not rob Peter to pay Paul.
35. Resist everything but temptation. "Fuck it". Just don& #39;t get caught if it& #39;s bad. And if you do, refer to rule number 2.
36. Delete browser history regularly
37. Do NOT let your Mrs go through your phone. Even if you have absolutely nothing to hide. That phone is yours. No no no no. Very important
38. Don& #39;t buy your clothes from local clothes stores. Go to the next city/town or go online. Remember 50 other cunts will have that tshirt
39. If they sound fit on the phone, add 2 stone.
40. Toilet rules for geezers
41. If you come out with something that makes people laugh. It has an immediate life of 3 repeats. After that it will become boring. Stop.
42. Go for lunch with your mates & talk about your week. Share stories & laugh. It& #39;s very healthy & not exclusively for birds.
43. When negotiating, always start off far far lower than your mental price. Even if they laugh at first, you& #39;ll be laughing last.
44. If you need to be silent after a night out but you& #39;re busting for a piss then use the fucking sink! See rules 2 & 32.
45. If you like a song or tune, listen to it with headphones on, uninterrupted, to fully appreciate every hi-hat or lyric.
