ardyn having a literal bloodbath, relaxing with a glass of champagne and a nice cleansing facemask

there r some scented candles burning n he's got cucumber slices on his eyelids

ardyn getting tattoos and deciding 10-15 years later that he doesn't like them, and cutting his skin down to the bone to get them off

he's perfectly fine afterwards because he regenerates, but just sans ink

ardyn getting super pissed off at someone mutilating him not because it hurts but because he's going to have to get that tattoo redone later

ardyn dressing like garbage because his body regenerates but his clothes don't, so when he gets run through it's easier if he doesn't care-

-about what he's wearing

ardyn getting pissed off when fashions change with the time because it's no longer socially acceptable to wear his favorite clothes

(he does it anyway, because he's an asshole)

ardyn tells a pun but no one gets it because in 2000 years the meaning of the words have changed and it doesn't make sense anymore

ardyn making thousands of dollars selling snuff films of himself on the deep web

it's considered a curse in lucis to look like the current ruler, because one of ardyn's hobbies is torturing people who look like they could

be lucis caelums, but aren't. close enough to scratch that deep, burning itch.

lucis caelums stopped employing body doubles when they realized looking like the ruler was more of a liability than being the ruler

no matter how close the king and their double look, ardyn can always tell the difference.

ardyn has stopped hundreds of assassination attempts on the royal line. they're his to kill only.

he's also fucked quite a few members of the royal line because, well, who could resist. he prefers it when he's their first.

the irony of ""corrupting"" them is not lost on him in the slightest. he finds it extremely amusing.

ardyn got buried alive once. after 10 years of dying every few minutes he managed to dig his way out.

ardyn telling noct in graphic detail what some of his ancestors were like in bed, noct being completely miserable

ardyn: did you ever hear the one about Regis V? no? well i guess you had to be there :/

ravus: come help me
ardyn: [cutting off his own legs] sorry dear am incapacitated at the moment xoxo
ravus: i fucking hate you

what's ardyn's favorite esports org?

immortals

his two favorite csgo players are falleN and kng

ardyn stopped celebrating his birthday after the number of candles he put on the cake set his house on fire and he burned to death

ardyn: do you have [food]
waiter: sir… the animal in that has been extinct for 300 years
ardyn: [anguished immortal screaming]

ardyn accidentally becoming a cryptid after appearing in the background of photos/paintings for 2000 years

there are crazy conspiracy theory websites dedicated to tracking his existence and one of them literally gets everything right

& when the whole WOR thing goes down the last post on the site is "i fucking told you guys"

all the portraits of ardyn are gone but some older parts of lucis still have graffiti related 2 him scribbled on them. its mostly offensive.

"king ardyn fucked kaleb's dad here i saw it when i was walking home with my groceries. im jealous of his abnormally large genitals."

ardyn as a younger man, after he took in the scourge but didn't know how to glamor himself entirely human yet.

he looks… wrong. his dimensions aren't quite right- he either looks too flat, or like something's about to burst out of his skin.

he speaks and it's deafening because it's a million screaming, howling creatures talking at once and he can't contain it quite yet.

he can repress, but not quite control the daemons, and they leak from his mouth and eyes and the shaking tips of his too-long fingers.

he spends the first half century just trying to get his body under control, stop it from shaking apart when the rage gets to be too much.

a singleminded focus on revenge helps sew him back together and keep him in one piece.

people don't like ardyn for a lot of reasons, including that he's a creepy, slimy, murderous bastard with an agenda no one understands

but the one that almost no one will admit to is that he's just unnerving to be around. there's something offputting about his very presence.

no one wants to say it but they're all afraid of him just a little because the way he moves, talks, looks at people is -wrong-

ardyn suggesting to aldercapt that they could make millions off of sexbot MTs. everyone is kind of grossed out, but secretly interested.

ardyn was there for the invention of the car and he considers it one of the best days of his long, miserable life.

ardyn trying to submit an insurance claim for his car and he accidentally says he was in it when it blew up. the claim doesn't go through.