like if i fucked iv in a tequila-fueled bout of self-loathing and told him i hated myself for it he& #39;d be offended and then cry and beg for

my self-pity but if i did the same with chris he& #39;d dedicate his doctoral thesis to me and jerk off to the idea of me being his waitress at

the five-star restaurant whereat he announces his nobel peace prize, engagement to a supermodel, and plans to land on the moon

it& #39;s very clear