FOUNDER OF HOGWARTS: okay, so we all know there are four types of kid. brave, smart, evil and miscellaneous.
SCHOOL BOARD: yes, continue.

ALBUS: After all this time?
SNAPE: Always.
ALBUS: Ha, so you'll just do WHATEVER I ask about Harry? Nice.
SNAPE:
ALBUS: Makes my life easier

ALBUS: It's a Time-Turner! We can travel back in time and change ANYTHING.
SNAPE: That's amazing. We can save-
ALBUS: Nah, gave it to a kid.

ALBUS: Hermione needs to attend a lot of classes, you see.
SNAPE: YOU'RE in charge of the time-tables.
ALBUS: I'm not in charge of ANYTHING.

SNAPE: You've raised Harry like a pig for slaughter.
ALBUS: Honestly, I never had a plan. It's a miracle he's still alive.
SNAPE:
ALBUS:

HAGRID: I WAS KICKED OUTTA HOGWARTS AND I CANT DO MAGIC BUT I GOT A BROLLY AND A BIG SCARY SPIDER
ALBUS: You are so fucking hired right now.

HAGRID: I GOT A DRAGON EGG AND A CERBERUS AND A MOTORBIKE-
ALBUS: Yes, YES, fuck this school up.

ALBUS: Got Dementors to protect Hogwarts this year. They suck souls out! Indiscriminately!
KIDS: ...
STAFF: ...
ALBUS: I can't control them.

SNAPE: You've hired Quirrell, a fraud, a wolf, a Death Eater..
ALBUS: I let the Dementors do the hiring
SNAPE:
ALBUS: It's called delegation

HARRY: There's Voldemort
RON: Now's our chance
HARRY: Gonna do Expelliarmus
RON: Harry, come on, it's Vol-
HARRY: IT'S THE ONLY ONE I KNOW

VOLDEMORT: Avada kedavra!
HARRY: Expell-
CROWD: *groans*