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How to become charming without trying hard nor seeking validation
A social skills and charisma thread
A social skills and charisma thread
STOP: This is not a PUA thread. This does not *only* apply to attracting women. This is meant to make you likeable without kissing ass.
Let’s start.
Let’s start.
What you need to know:
Charm is the building block of charisma.
Being charming is about improving your likeability without seeking validation.
There are different aspects to it but it’s mainly about your own behavior.
Let me explain.
Charm is the building block of charisma.
Being charming is about improving your likeability without seeking validation.
There are different aspects to it but it’s mainly about your own behavior.
Let me explain.
1- Improving appearance:
No I will not talk about grooming and no I will not talk about “How to dress”
Because a charismatic person does not rely on external parameters to be charismatic and charming.
No I will not talk about grooming and no I will not talk about “How to dress”
Because a charismatic person does not rely on external parameters to be charismatic and charming.
It is more about your aura and body language than it is about what you’re wearing.
You could be wearing 6 figures outfit and still have zero presence.
You could dress like a hobo and still be charismatic.
Yes, the cleaner you’re dressed the better; makes things easier.
You could be wearing 6 figures outfit and still have zero presence.
You could dress like a hobo and still be charismatic.
Yes, the cleaner you’re dressed the better; makes things easier.
But if you have the right attitude and behavior, what you’re wearing becomes a bonus and not something essential.
The most important thing in your appearance is your body language.
It starts with your posture.
The most important thing in your appearance is your body language.
It starts with your posture.
You should be at ease with taking space and remain open to the outside world.
The second thing is your facial expressions.
A grumpy face puts everyone off.
Crack a smile to anyone who you cross eye contact with.
You don’t have to be smiling all the time like an idiot.
The second thing is your facial expressions.
A grumpy face puts everyone off.
Crack a smile to anyone who you cross eye contact with.
You don’t have to be smiling all the time like an idiot.
You simply have to send a positive message to anyone who crosses eye contact with you. It’s that simple.
PS: Get in shape. That makes everything easier.
PS: Get in shape. That makes everything easier.
2- Improve your communication:
Okay let’s correct something:
“Let them talk” is shitty advice.
Yes you should let people have a say in the conversation and active listening is a strong communication skill.
BUT, the less you talk, the less interesting you are.
Okay let’s correct something:
“Let them talk” is shitty advice.
Yes you should let people have a say in the conversation and active listening is a strong communication skill.
BUT, the less you talk, the less interesting you are.
So here are two things that will allow you to talk better (and more, if you’re someone that’s naturally shy)
- Ask more questions: This shows a genuine interest but at the same time involves you in the conversation, you don’t just let them talk; you talk TO them.
- Ask more questions: This shows a genuine interest but at the same time involves you in the conversation, you don’t just let them talk; you talk TO them.
- Offer solutions: the thing is that EVERYONE; will at some point complain about something. When that happens, offer a genuine solution (it might not even be applicable) but it shows that you’re listening and it shows that you’re a problem-solver, which everyone loves.
- Talk about yourself: “muh huh don’t let your ego get in the way” kind of bullshit doesn’t work. If people are to like you, they need to know you. Introduce yourself through stories you went through and exciting episodes of your life.
(Note: if they’re losing interest, go back to asking questions, example: “How about you, have you been through something similar?”
3- Eye Contact and Physical Contact:
Maintaining eye contact is good.
Looking people eye to eye for too long like a freak is not.
Learn to balance eye contact, and disinterest.
Listen: I don’t make the rules.
Maintaining eye contact is good.
Looking people eye to eye for too long like a freak is not.
Learn to balance eye contact, and disinterest.
Listen: I don’t make the rules.
But if you’re too involved in the conversation, people will lose interest.
Why would they keep talking to you? There is no challenge in doing so.
People want challenges, they subconsciously want to struggle in getting your attention.
Understand this.
Why would they keep talking to you? There is no challenge in doing so.
People want challenges, they subconsciously want to struggle in getting your attention.
Understand this.
Your eye contact is earned not given, if the person or topic is not interesting enough; look elsewhere.
They will crave your eye contact.
CAREFUL: Do this too often and they’ll feel insulted. Be subtle, keep a balance. Be smart about it.
They will crave your eye contact.
CAREFUL: Do this too often and they’ll feel insulted. Be subtle, keep a balance. Be smart about it.
The second point is physical touch.
Non-sexual physical touch.
This breaks a barrier between you and your interlocutor.
Your touch needs to feel benevolent and reassuring.
Never touch their head, a small pat in the back or a handshake would be ideal for a first time.
Non-sexual physical touch.
This breaks a barrier between you and your interlocutor.
Your touch needs to feel benevolent and reassuring.
Never touch their head, a small pat in the back or a handshake would be ideal for a first time.
As you get to know people more, you can hug them.
Make them feel intimate with you.
Again, this is very subtle, do not cross people’s personal boundaries.
Know when, how and with whom you do this.
Make them feel intimate with you.
Again, this is very subtle, do not cross people’s personal boundaries.
Know when, how and with whom you do this.
Okay listen.
I wrote with @DentesLeo The Social Skills Playbook; we're releasing it today.
It contains far more useful information than you can find in this thread.
Others would charge you at least 47$ for stuff like this.
I'm giving it for free. http://socialskillsuniversity.online
I wrote with @DentesLeo The Social Skills Playbook; we're releasing it today.
It contains far more useful information than you can find in this thread.
Others would charge you at least 47$ for stuff like this.
I'm giving it for free. http://socialskillsuniversity.online
End.
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If you enjoyed this thread:
1. Follow me @EgoDriv for more of these
2. RT the tweet below to share this thread with your audience https://twitter.com/1342575650104868866/status/1534851458914459651
