Been trying to write this update for 5-6 days but found it impossible. Spent 8 days in hospital in the infectious disease ward fighting COVID and an infection. Can only describe my room as like a prison cell. Was left to rot in there.

No TV, little phone signal, was so weak and tired, no air in the room, I can only describe it as a nightmare. Cried a few times to my family basically saying get me out of here, I can’t die here. Was unbelievably tough both emotionally and mentally.

Thankfully, they identified that the source of the infection was my portocath but given it was found on the Friday, I had to wait till the Monday to get it removed. Family spent as much time as they could with me at the weekend but was tough going.

Got out of hospital on Tuesday and I’ve never been so relieved to get out. Already said to my family I’m not going back, anything happens now they let me die. Would rather kill myself than spend any more time in hospital.

Before I went into hospital for the 8 days, I already knew I was on a short timescale and my body was ruined. I’ve deteriorated a fair bit in the last week and a half. Sleeping for 14-16 hours a day, can only walk a few yards, my bowels have closed down (totally incontinent).

Every time I move I’m out of breath, takes me 20 mins to recover from going for a pee, takes about an hour for me to recover from a 10 minute shower, have barely eaten any food for weeks, struggling up and down the stairs (takes about 10 mins as I need to lift one leg at a time).

Plan is to stay here in Perth until closer to the end and then move to my Mum’s to die in Dundee where all my family are. Not really sure when this will be but I just know more bodily functions will close down and I’ll also get even weaker.

Spent a fair bit of time planning my funeral with my sister last week who will look after this for me. Got some financial stuff to sort with Denise as lots of DDs in my name but can get that done soon enough.

Anyway, apologies for the delay in providing an update. I was so weak and tired in hospital and when I got home here, just wasn’t up to it. Not sure when I will provide next update as it has taken me 2 days to write this.