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It took me years to learn this, but you& #39;ll learn it in 5 minutes for $0
And people will love you for it
And people will love you for it
Growing up, I struggled to connect with people
I had friends from sports and school but I sucked at talking to strangers
I had friends from sports and school but I sucked at talking to strangers
I was even worse at talking to women
It destroyed my confidence in high school and college
I didn& #39;t think I& #39;d be able to change it, but I tried anyway
It destroyed my confidence in high school and college
I didn& #39;t think I& #39;d be able to change it, but I tried anyway
After years of reading and trial-and-error, I finally got better
Then things took off
While living in a new city, I went from no friends to a thriving social circle
Then things took off
While living in a new city, I went from no friends to a thriving social circle
I hate saying this because it makes me feel cocky
But people treated me like a celebrity
And I& #39;m not exaggerating
But people treated me like a celebrity
And I& #39;m not exaggerating
I remember showing up to a party and the place erupted
As if Brad Pitt just walked in
It was surreal
As if Brad Pitt just walked in
It was surreal
That was the moment I realized I found life-changing skills that anyone can learn
Now I want to share them
But before I do
Now I want to share them
But before I do
Understand you can use these in many ways
- Making friends
- Creating clients
- Building attraction
They are simple tips, but they& #39;re universal
- Making friends
- Creating clients
- Building attraction
They are simple tips, but they& #39;re universal
So if you need to get better at connecting with people
Here are 5 cheat codes to turn strangers into best friends, raving clients, and full-on believers
Here are 5 cheat codes to turn strangers into best friends, raving clients, and full-on believers
Okay, one more thing before we begin
But this is crucial
If you want to connect with people, there are 7 pillars you must constantly build
But this is crucial
If you want to connect with people, there are 7 pillars you must constantly build
The 7 Pillars of Connecting with People are:
1. Attraction
2. Trust
3. Respect
4. Similarities
5. Enjoyment
6. Understanding
7. Caring
The more you build all 7 of these, the more people will like you, love you, and want you in their life
1. Attraction
2. Trust
3. Respect
4. Similarities
5. Enjoyment
6. Understanding
7. Caring
The more you build all 7 of these, the more people will like you, love you, and want you in their life
1. Be yourself
Yes, you& #39;ve heard this advice a million times
But there are some key points to make:
Yes, you& #39;ve heard this advice a million times
But there are some key points to make:
You must do it with confidence
- Know your values
- Know what you like
Then live in alignment with your true self
- Know your values
- Know what you like
Then live in alignment with your true self
This is attractive because most people are wishy washy
They want to impress others and get their approval
But it does the opposite
They want to impress others and get their approval
But it does the opposite
Being yourself builds trust and respect because it& #39;s authentic, and people can tell
And when people share your beliefs, it& #39;s even more powerful because the connection is genuine
And when people share your beliefs, it& #39;s even more powerful because the connection is genuine
Imagine this
Someone says they like country music
You respond, "I can& #39;t get into it, what do you love about it?"
They say it motivates them to be a hard working patriot
Someone says they like country music
You respond, "I can& #39;t get into it, what do you love about it?"
They say it motivates them to be a hard working patriot
Then you talk about how important those values are to you
They will believe you way more, because you started with honesty
They will believe you way more, because you started with honesty
People don& #39;t care if you disagree with them
They& #39;re impressed that you have the balls to not care
They& #39;re impressed that you have the balls to not care
So, how do you become more authentic?
Put effort into knowing yourself:
- Journal
- Meditate
- Do things you love
The more understand your values, beliefs, and interests
The easier it is to stand by them in conversation
Put effort into knowing yourself:
- Journal
- Meditate
- Do things you love
The more understand your values, beliefs, and interests
The easier it is to stand by them in conversation
2. Relate and connect
Empathy is the biggest social skill of all
And it& #39;s easier to develop than you think
But most people misunderstand it
Empathy is the biggest social skill of all
And it& #39;s easier to develop than you think
But most people misunderstand it
Empathy isn& #39;t just understanding a person& #39;s hurt and pain
It& #39;s being able to put yourself in their shoes for ANY emotion or situation
If they get excited, you should too
It& #39;s being able to put yourself in their shoes for ANY emotion or situation
If they get excited, you should too
When people talk about something they care about, their voice changes
- Their eyes widen
- Their tone gets higher
- They speak louder and faster
But most people miss this
- Their eyes widen
- Their tone gets higher
- They speak louder and faster
But most people miss this
All you have to do is watch their energy
If it goes up, they care
And when they care, you should too
If it goes up, they care
And when they care, you should too
If their eyes light up when they talk about surfing, dig in
Ask them more
And more importantly, find a way to relate
Do you surf?
If so talk about it
Ask them more
And more importantly, find a way to relate
Do you surf?
If so talk about it
If you don& #39;t surf, no worries
Do you like:
- Chasing thrills?
- Spending time in nature?
- Mastering a physical skill or art form?
There& #39;s usually a deeper feeling or value that you can relate to
Do you like:
- Chasing thrills?
- Spending time in nature?
- Mastering a physical skill or art form?
There& #39;s usually a deeper feeling or value that you can relate to
Show them that you see them
That you get them
That you care to hear about what they care about
And that you can relate to why it& #39;s so important to them
That you get them
That you care to hear about what they care about
And that you can relate to why it& #39;s so important to them
People like people like themselves
When they see that you share similarities, the bond grows
Relating to them helps make this obvious
When they see that you share similarities, the bond grows
Relating to them helps make this obvious
3. Ask good questions
Most people ask questions to put the burden of talking on the other person
It& #39;s easier than creating interesting conversation
Most people ask questions to put the burden of talking on the other person
It& #39;s easier than creating interesting conversation
But socially savvy people know that it& #39;s a dance between the two
They open up, share, and relate
And they ask questions that make the other person open up in ways they never have before
They open up, share, and relate
And they ask questions that make the other person open up in ways they never have before
That& #39;s why you need to ask good questions
Most people stick to the basics:
- How are you?
- What do you do?
- Where are you from?
And they get lame, one-word answers
Most people stick to the basics:
- How are you?
- What do you do?
- Where are you from?
And they get lame, one-word answers
Instead, force people to dig deeper
Make them think about their answer
Not this: "What did you do today?"
But this: "What was the best part of your day?"
Then take it a step further and ask them what made it so great
Make them think about their answer
Not this: "What did you do today?"
But this: "What was the best part of your day?"
Then take it a step further and ask them what made it so great
Use the FEW questions acronym to do this at any point in the convo:
(F)act - get a fact about them
(E)motion - get the emotion behind it
(W)hy - why do they feel that emotion?
(F)act - get a fact about them
(E)motion - get the emotion behind it
(W)hy - why do they feel that emotion?
Here it is in practice
"What do you do?" (fact)
"How do you feel about it?" (emotion)
"What makes you feel that way?" (why)
Most people don& #39;t get to the third question
"What do you do?" (fact)
"How do you feel about it?" (emotion)
"What makes you feel that way?" (why)
Most people don& #39;t get to the third question
Here& #39;s what it looks like:
They learn that Steve is a coder (fact) who loves his job (emotion) and then they move on
Not you though
By asking why he loves it so much (the why), you learn so much more
They learn that Steve is a coder (fact) who loves his job (emotion) and then they move on
Not you though
By asking why he loves it so much (the why), you learn so much more
Maybe he loves the freedom of working from anywhere
Maybe he loves solving complex problems
Maybe he loves making phone apps more beautiful and user-friendly
You won& #39;t know if you don& #39;t dig
Maybe he loves solving complex problems
Maybe he loves making phone apps more beautiful and user-friendly
You won& #39;t know if you don& #39;t dig
How does this improve your connection?
- It shows that you care
- You learn more about them
- You find important similarities
Don& #39;t ignore the power of good questions
- It shows that you care
- You learn more about them
- You find important similarities
Don& #39;t ignore the power of good questions
4. Display your value
Don& #39;t assume people will automatically know why they should like you
They need to have reasons
And it& #39;s on you to provide them
Don& #39;t assume people will automatically know why they should like you
They need to have reasons
And it& #39;s on you to provide them
For example:
If I tell a story about losing my wallet at Oktoberfest in Germany, it might just be a funny story
But it also let& #39;s people know that I travel to foreign countries and go on fun adventures
If I tell a story about losing my wallet at Oktoberfest in Germany, it might just be a funny story
But it also let& #39;s people know that I travel to foreign countries and go on fun adventures
Or I could talk about a client who lost all their leads due to a technical issue
And how they laugh about it now because we found a better way in the end
The story is about overcoming a silly mistake, but it shows that I coach clients to success
And how they laugh about it now because we found a better way in the end
The story is about overcoming a silly mistake, but it shows that I coach clients to success
Different people are attracted to different things, but most values are universal
- Status
- Wealth
- Beauty
- Maturity
- Strength
- Confidence
- Adventurous
- Accomplishments
People need to learn these things about you if they& #39;re true
- Status
- Wealth
- Beauty
- Maturity
- Strength
- Confidence
- Adventurous
- Accomplishments
People need to learn these things about you if they& #39;re true
Done right, this builds attraction and respect
They see you as a high-value person
As long as it& #39;s authentic, there& #39;s nothing wrong with doing it
They see you as a high-value person
As long as it& #39;s authentic, there& #39;s nothing wrong with doing it
5. Make them feel good
If you want people to think highly of you, make them feel good
They will attach the good emotions to being around you
Here are some simple ways to do this:
If you want people to think highly of you, make them feel good
They will attach the good emotions to being around you
Here are some simple ways to do this:
A) Give compliments
Don& #39;t overdo it, but a good compliment goes a long way
People love feeling seen, heard, appreciated, and impressive
Don& #39;t overdo it, but a good compliment goes a long way
People love feeling seen, heard, appreciated, and impressive
A few tips:
Make your compliments genuine
People will know if they& #39;re fake
And make them about things they control
Telling someone they& #39;re pretty isn& #39;t as effective as saying you love their style
Make your compliments genuine
People will know if they& #39;re fake
And make them about things they control
Telling someone they& #39;re pretty isn& #39;t as effective as saying you love their style
B) Do fun things with them
If you take a date to an amusement park, they will associate the rushing emotions of excitement with you
This beats going out to a boring dinner
If you take a date to an amusement park, they will associate the rushing emotions of excitement with you
This beats going out to a boring dinner
But it doesn& #39;t have to be this extreme
If they& #39;re at your house, bust out a competitive game like corn hole or Jenga
Anything that adds emotion and excitement will make you seem more interesting over the long-term
If they& #39;re at your house, bust out a competitive game like corn hole or Jenga
Anything that adds emotion and excitement will make you seem more interesting over the long-term
C) Do nice things unexpectedly
- Give them a small gift
- Send them a hand-written card
- Take care of logistics before meeting
The small things are the big things
They will remember this
- Give them a small gift
- Send them a hand-written card
- Take care of logistics before meeting
The small things are the big things
They will remember this
If you can make people feel good, they will want to be around you
They will want to do nice things for you
They will want to make you feel good
They will want to do nice things for you
They will want to make you feel good
Now you have the secrets to make people love you
Use it to your advantage and don& #39;t feel bad about it
When you do it right, you improve other people& #39;s lives as well
Use it to your advantage and don& #39;t feel bad about it
When you do it right, you improve other people& #39;s lives as well
Here& #39;s a summary of the 5 skills that will make you a social powerhouse:
1. Be yourself
2. Relate and connect
3. Ask good questions
4. Display your value
5. Make them feel good
Use this skill to take your life to the next level
1. Be yourself
2. Relate and connect
3. Ask good questions
4. Display your value
5. Make them feel good
Use this skill to take your life to the next level
Thanks for reading 
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