It took me years to learn this, but you'll learn it in 5 minutes for $0

And people will love you for it
Growing up, I struggled to connect with people

I had friends from sports and school but I sucked at talking to strangers
I was even worse at talking to women

It destroyed my confidence in high school and college

I didn't think I'd be able to change it, but I tried anyway
After years of reading and trial-and-error, I finally got better

Then things took off

While living in a new city, I went from no friends to a thriving social circle
I hate saying this because it makes me feel cocky

But people treated me like a celebrity

And I'm not exaggerating
I remember showing up to a party and the place erupted

As if Brad Pitt just walked in

It was surreal
That was the moment I realized I found life-changing skills that anyone can learn

Now I want to share them

But before I do
Understand you can use these in many ways

- Making friends
- Creating clients
- Building attraction

They are simple tips, but they're universal
So if you need to get better at connecting with people

Here are 5 cheat codes to turn strangers into best friends, raving clients, and full-on believers
Okay, one more thing before we begin

But this is crucial

If you want to connect with people, there are 7 pillars you must constantly build
The 7 Pillars of Connecting with People are:

1. Attraction
2. Trust
3. Respect
4. Similarities
5. Enjoyment
6. Understanding
7. Caring

The more you build all 7 of these, the more people will like you, love you, and want you in their life
I'm going to show you 5 skills that will help increase all 7 pillars

Like magic

Let's go
1. Be yourself

Yes, you've heard this advice a million times

But there are some key points to make:
You must do it with confidence

- Know your values
- Know what you like

Then live in alignment with your true self
This is attractive because most people are wishy washy

They want to impress others and get their approval

But it does the opposite
Being yourself builds trust and respect because it's authentic, and people can tell

And when people share your beliefs, it's even more powerful because the connection is genuine
Imagine this

Someone says they like country music

You respond, "I can't get into it, what do you love about it?"

They say it motivates them to be a hard working patriot
Then you talk about how important those values are to you

They will believe you way more, because you started with honesty
People don't care if you disagree with them

They're impressed that you have the balls to not care
So, how do you become more authentic?

Put effort into knowing yourself:

- Journal
- Meditate
- Do things you love

The more understand your values, beliefs, and interests

The easier it is to stand by them in conversation
2. Relate and connect

Empathy is the biggest social skill of all

And it's easier to develop than you think

But most people misunderstand it
Empathy isn't just understanding a person's hurt and pain

It's being able to put yourself in their shoes for ANY emotion or situation

If they get excited, you should too
When people talk about something they care about, their voice changes

- Their eyes widen
- Their tone gets higher
- They speak louder and faster

But most people miss this
All you have to do is watch their energy

If it goes up, they care

And when they care, you should too
If their eyes light up when they talk about surfing, dig in

Ask them more

And more importantly, find a way to relate

Do you surf?

If so talk about it
If you don't surf, no worries

Do you like:

- Chasing thrills?
- Spending time in nature?
- Mastering a physical skill or art form?

There's usually a deeper feeling or value that you can relate to
Show them that you see them

That you get them

That you care to hear about what they care about

And that you can relate to why it's so important to them
People like people like themselves

When they see that you share similarities, the bond grows

Relating to them helps make this obvious
3. Ask good questions

Most people ask questions to put the burden of talking on the other person

It's easier than creating interesting conversation
But socially savvy people know that it's a dance between the two

They open up, share, and relate

And they ask questions that make the other person open up in ways they never have before
That's why you need to ask good questions

Most people stick to the basics:

- How are you?
- What do you do?
- Where are you from?

And they get lame, one-word answers
Instead, force people to dig deeper

Make them think about their answer

Not this: "What did you do today?"

But this: "What was the best part of your day?"

Then take it a step further and ask them what made it so great
Use the FEW questions acronym to do this at any point in the convo:

(F)act - get a fact about them
(E)motion - get the emotion behind it
(W)hy - why do they feel that emotion?
Here it is in practice

"What do you do?" (fact)
"How do you feel about it?" (emotion)
"What makes you feel that way?" (why)

Most people don't get to the third question
Here's what it looks like:

They learn that Steve is a coder (fact) who loves his job (emotion) and then they move on

Not you though

By asking why he loves it so much (the why), you learn so much more
Maybe he loves the freedom of working from anywhere

Maybe he loves solving complex problems

Maybe he loves making phone apps more beautiful and user-friendly

You won't know if you don't dig
How does this improve your connection?

- It shows that you care
- You learn more about them
- You find important similarities

Don't ignore the power of good questions
4. Display your value

Don't assume people will automatically know why they should like you

They need to have reasons

And it's on you to provide them
You don't want to brag

But you want to tell stories that help people see your good qualities
For example:

If I tell a story about losing my wallet at Oktoberfest in Germany, it might just be a funny story

But it also let's people know that I travel to foreign countries and go on fun adventures
Or I could talk about a client who lost all their leads due to a technical issue

And how they laugh about it now because we found a better way in the end

The story is about overcoming a silly mistake, but it shows that I coach clients to success
Different people are attracted to different things, but most values are universal

- Status
- Wealth
- Beauty
- Maturity
- Strength
- Confidence
- Adventurous
- Accomplishments

People need to learn these things about you if they're true
Done right, this builds attraction and respect

They see you as a high-value person

As long as it's authentic, there's nothing wrong with doing it
5. Make them feel good

If you want people to think highly of you, make them feel good

They will attach the good emotions to being around you

Here are some simple ways to do this:
A) Give compliments

Don't overdo it, but a good compliment goes a long way

People love feeling seen, heard, appreciated, and impressive
A few tips:

Make your compliments genuine

People will know if they're fake

And make them about things they control

Telling someone they're pretty isn't as effective as saying you love their style
Also, be specific

Don't just say you love their hat

Tell them why

It adds authenticity and trust
B) Do fun things with them

If you take a date to an amusement park, they will associate the rushing emotions of excitement with you

This beats going out to a boring dinner
But it doesn't have to be this extreme

If they're at your house, bust out a competitive game like corn hole or Jenga

Anything that adds emotion and excitement will make you seem more interesting over the long-term
C) Do nice things unexpectedly

- Give them a small gift
- Send them a hand-written card
- Take care of logistics before meeting

The small things are the big things

They will remember this
If you can make people feel good, they will want to be around you

They will want to do nice things for you

They will want to make you feel good
Now you have the secrets to make people love you

Use it to your advantage and don't feel bad about it

When you do it right, you improve other people's lives as well
Here's a summary of the 5 skills that will make you a social powerhouse:

1. Be yourself
2. Relate and connect
3. Ask good questions
4. Display your value
5. Make them feel good

Use this skill to take your life to the next level
Thanks for reading 🙏

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