#chengxian angst

Jiang Cheng always knew it would happen. It was only a matter of time.
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People always said he was hard to love. His father disliked him for having too much similarity to his mother. He was cold, words bitingly sharp, and a seemingly perpetual frown on his face.

Wei Ying was the complete opposite. He was the sun that everyone gravitated towards, even himself. There was no lack of company by Wei Ying’s side. Jiang Cheng always felt a sense of pride when Wei Ying sought for his company, though he would never show it, hiding his feelings-

behind scowls and scalding comments.

But Wei Ying stayed. He stayed and he took Jiang Cheng under his wing. They were friends, childhood sweethearts, some might say. They don’t match, others might also say.

It did not matter to them. They were happy.

For a moment.

Jiang Cheng thought he was ready, and he had prepared himself for it. He never imagined it would hurt so much despite it all.

He saw the signs before Wei Ying did. The way Wei Ying had a radar for Lan Zhan, always seeming to know whenever the other was in the area.

The other would run towards Lan Zhan the moment he spotted him, leaving Jiang Cheng behind without a second thought. The first time it happened, Jiang Cheng was so angry he locked Wei Ying out of the bedroom and stewed in his anger.

Wei Ying teased him for being jealous and promised that he loved him the most. He only wanted to disturb Lan Zhan because of how boring he was. How could someone else ever replace him? Wei Ying and Jiang Cheng, they were a pair for as long as anyone–even themselves–could remember

No one would ever phantom that they could be separated.

Jiang Cheng believed him.

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The first time Wei Ying forgot their date and left him waiting outside the restaurant for hours without a single notification, Jiang Cheng was so angry he locked Wei Ying out of the house.

He sat in the dark and listened to Wei Ying’s apologies through the front door.

He let him in after two hours because Wei Ying had a valid reason and Jiang Cheng was too weak to push Wei Ying away for good.

It did not bother him that Wei Ying had stayed with Lan Zhan and-

-accompanied him to the hospital because of a broken leg–despite the fact that he could always contact Lan Zhan’s older brother instead. No, that was not the problem.

The main issue was that Wei Ying had forgotten about him completely.

The radio silence and the fear and anxiety that Jiang Cheng faced, wondering if an accident had happened because Wei Ying was never late hurt much, much more.

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Jiang Cheng kept a busy schedule. He took over his parents’ company the year before and was still struggling to-

-get some of the older board members on his side. He was too green, too insensitive, too apathetic towards others, they said, how could someone like him run a company? If only the old master did not have that fatal accident.

He only gritted his teeth and worked harder to-

prove them wrong.

Before he knew it, their relationship had strained and they had gotten estranged. It was weird. They were clearly living in the same apartment but why was it that he saw his secretary more than Wei Ying?

He went home every night.

Wei Ying did not.

The last time they had sex, Jiang Cheng was on his stomach, smothering cries into the bedsheets as he hid his face from the other because somehow he knew. Some primal instinct in him just knew that they would never be like this–intimate–again.

He regretted it.

Jiang Cheng wished he was able to see Wei Ying in that moment, so that he could have memorized the way Wei Ying looked at him when he still loved him. The way Wei Ying’s eyes shone with endearment and the face he made when Jiang Cheng was the one who made him come.

Jiang Cheng always knew that it would happen. That everyone would leave him and find others to love but sometimes in his dreams, he dreamt of his family and Wei Ying, side by side, enjoying the finest moments in life.

He always wakes up in tears the next morning.