Screenwriting : THE CUBAN MISSILE’S GUIDE TO BEING A GREAT TV STAFF WRITER. In an attempt not to do the work I am actually paid to do, here are my thoughts on what makes a great staff writer. Subjective as always but hopefully filled with something approximating wisdom.

The most anxious I’ve ever been was in the days leading up to our first room starting. It is one thing to think you can do something, but it is quite another to actually be in a position where you have to prove it. There is so much mystery around how a staff writer should behave.

In my experience, the staff writers I have personally seen do the best are the ones who quickly establish intellectual, if not necessarily creative and technical, equality with those who have done the job for a long time. What do I mean by that?

As a staff writer, certain skills you have are by definition not refined. The art of pitching, breaking story beyond theoretical words on a page and understanding the nitty gritty of production, be it live action or animation, are probably still a work in progress.

I remember pitching a joke on cult classic 1600 Penn during my first few weeks there about having a visual gag with a real animal and @JasonWiner correctly pointing out that it was a good joke but would cost 20,000 dollars. A moment of clarity! Sometimes you have to be practical!

So even if your ideas are not fully formed or you have great creative ideas but don’t know how to articulate them, one thing you can do early in your staff writing career is make sure everyone knows you understand the material and that what you say is considered. You are a BRAIN.

Some staff writers are advised not to speak for a few weeks or longer. I find this attitude destructive, especially for people of color/diverse writers. “Why doesn’t that person talk?” “They don’t contribute” these are the refrains one hears if you talk too little!

This also becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, especially in the so-called “diversity spot” (a spot I filled myself). There is sometimes a feeling, from bad showrunners, that the diversity staff writer is “bonus” and the expectations incredibly low.

FUCK THAT. If you are in the room, know in your heart of hearts there is a reason beyond checking a box. I would rather go down swinging by running my mouth than by being too quiet. If I am gonna die, I’ll die on my feet, not live on my knees.

So talk. Pitch. If it is helpful, pretend you are a more experienced, confident writer. That is what I did! I picked a writer I admired, in this case greatest living human @PeterKnight71 and said, “if I were a great and hilarious writer like Peter, I’d say something like X.”

This did not always lead to my pitches getting in the script, but it had a much higher hit ratio than I could have possibly hoped! Over time, you start to do it naturally and the pretending becomes real. (I am still not as funny as Peter)

Sometimes people have ingrained hierarchical ideas about how a room should run based on how they came up. You have to navigate for yourself, but in general, the quicker you prove you are an integral part of the think tank the more people will regard you that way.

This leads me to my second big idea: your job as a staff writer is to help facilitate the showrunner’s vision for how the show should be written. Full stop. That does not mean you can’t bring your own ideas to the table, obviously you should. But in the end, you are there to help

The best way you can help is by figuring out, as best you can, what the showrunner is striving for in tone. Now that I am a showrunner, I am so appreciative when people hear the way I think about characters and try to work in that mode. It saves time and energy.

I’m not always right. My writers would probably tell you exactly how wrong I am! But I always try to have a reason why I say no to a pitch that I can articulate so others see my way of thinking. The quicker you can think in that mode, the more your pitches go in.

This extends to the actual drafts of the scripts. The greatest gift you can give a showrunner as a staff writer is a draft that is more than just useable but elevated from the outline. I love it when writers follow the outline but put their own personality into scripts.

The greatest episodes of television come from a confluence of group creativity and individual passion. I love seeing esoteric interests or bizarre turns of phrase inserted into the scripts. These individual flourishes end up becoming elemental to the show itself.

As a staff writer, you can do that from the beginning! @BenjiSamit and I wrote our first assigned script as if we were Eminem in 8 Mile. This was our MOMENT. Some of my favorite jokes are in that script. Thankfully @joshgad agreed to say them! Mom’s spaghetti indeed.

Side note: all staff writers should be afforded the opportunity to write a script if feasible. Support staff too, if possible (though on short order shows, this is sometimes difficult. A topic for another day).

As for the nitty gritty of actually writing that first script? Of course time and attention is important, but a few general ideas. The easiest characters to write are those that have an established comedic/dramatic POV or foible. You can then tailor the script to that.

But what if these are brand new characters? Clues come from the showrunner and their voice, when possible study those first few scripts they write. But when not possible, you can sometimes think in terms of archetypes to help you figure out a character!

For instance, on 1600 Penn, one character was the bookworm know-it-all daughter. She was not greatly defined, so when I wrote her, I thought “she is kinda like Lisa Simpson, a character I know well, so I will write her Lisa-type jokes.” It is amazing how often this works!

Over time, the characters evolve into unique creations, but thinking in terms of the kinds of jokes or attitudes a new character might have relative to a character you love, can really unlock a script. This is also why I think fan fiction can be a valuable thing to write!

Ultimately, every show has unique challenges and personalities. A degree of social awareness is, as always, helpful. But in general, be open to learning more about tv writing while reminding yourself your voice is invaluable to what the show will become.

Final thought: many of the best writers I know are not professional writers. Every level of success brings unique problems. But after you get your first gig, just remind yourself you BELONG, and if someone thinks you don’t show them just how wrong they are.