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#sakuatsu | angst no comfort; post break up
Miya Atsumu and Sakusa Kiyoomi were always destined to collide, at some point.
It was just natural for them, Atsumu was the sun, bright and burning and alluring while Kiyoomi was just as strongly burning, a star of his own kind.
Miya Atsumu and Sakusa Kiyoomi were always destined to collide, at some point.
It was just natural for them, Atsumu was the sun, bright and burning and alluring while Kiyoomi was just as strongly burning, a star of his own kind.
Atsumu orbited toward Kiyoomi. Kiyoomi orbited toward Atsumu. And against all odds, it worked. The setter loved in a way that was all consuming and loud, the spiker loved in a similar way but in a very Omi's fashion, he was quieter about that. Still, it worked.
They were the kind of couple whom you'd see and made you wish to have a love like that. 'Cause it was so bright, so big, so engulfing you could see it in the looks they shared and the soft way they leaned into each other. The little gestures and soft whispered words.
They had truly been that kind of couple, for a little over a year.
A good year.
But just as they strongly orbited around and toward each other, they just as strongly collided and destroyed.
Yet, they did that with a frightening quiet.
A crack after another.
A good year.
But just as they strongly orbited around and toward each other, they just as strongly collided and destroyed.
Yet, they did that with a frightening quiet.
A crack after another.
Little quarrels becoming too much big arguments, the silence getting loudier and heavier after them, the knowledge of things breaking to the point of ending settling in between them.
It's not even that they didn't love each other, hell, that was the only thing they were sure of.
It's not even that they didn't love each other, hell, that was the only thing they were sure of.
But Atsumu loved too much tightly for Kiyoomi. And Kiyoomi too quietly, just like he lived after all.
Atsumu had tried many and many times to reach toward him, especially on their last period of time together, but the spiker just... kept himself out of reach.
Atsumu had tried many and many times to reach toward him, especially on their last period of time together, but the spiker just... kept himself out of reach.
So, Atsumu stopped trying; and Kiyoomi stood still out of reach.
The break up was a quiet matter too, no big fights, no screams, no crying. Well, at least until some later time.
The aftermath though? Devastating to say the least.
Devastating as in Kiyoomi leaving MSBY.
The break up was a quiet matter too, no big fights, no screams, no crying. Well, at least until some later time.
The aftermath though? Devastating to say the least.
Devastating as in Kiyoomi leaving MSBY.
And Atsumu staying taking care of broken pieces of a heart that he didn't know how to put together again after Omi, cause his heart had only known that curly haired boy with freaky wrists and twin moles over his eyebrow and a cute scowl for years.
In the end it turns out, it takes around two or three years to repair a heart like Atsumu's.
But not to forget fully, just like Kiyoomi finds out one day.
It's not like he ever thought he could run into Atsumu in Tokyo again, for all he knew he was in America still.
But not to forget fully, just like Kiyoomi finds out one day.
It's not like he ever thought he could run into Atsumu in Tokyo again, for all he knew he was in America still.
So, imagine Kiyoomi's surprise to spot Atsumu sitting at a table in his favourite cafè; and hates the way his heart clenches at the sight of the blonde setter. He looks even more beautiful, these three years made him a grace.
Kiyoomi made sure not to ever check on the setter's socials or even text chats, blocking him everywhere. Maybe it was out of guilt, maybe it was to ease the pain, maybe it was for so many other reasons.
But, here he was now, just a few steps far from what once had been his all.
But, here he was now, just a few steps far from what once had been his all.
He mulls it over, thinking wether to go say hi to him, out of politeness, or to pretend he didnt see him. The battle in his brain, eventually, settles to the first option.
But the universe is always devilish in his ways to remind him about the choices he made in his life.
But the universe is always devilish in his ways to remind him about the choices he made in his life.
He has made maybe a step or two toward the blonde's table before he tilts. Shouldn't come to him as a surprise, Atsumu lovingly welcoming a girl to his table.
It's been three years, after all, could he really expect Atsumu to be still holding onto his love for Kiyoomi?
It's been three years, after all, could he really expect Atsumu to be still holding onto his love for Kiyoomi?
And he knows the answer is that it's impossible, after all the spiker cut all his bridges with the other, maybe now Tsumu hated him even.
Why does Kiyoomi even care though? He's fine now, he survived the heartbreak, (not really) the guilt, the loneliness that clawed to him after.
Why does Kiyoomi even care though? He's fine now, he survived the heartbreak, (not really) the guilt, the loneliness that clawed to him after.
So, he tells himself it's fine.
Atsumu's happy too it seems, holding his -supposed - girlfriend's hand on the table, all lingering stares and soft smiles.
The girls is pretty too, tall and lean, pale-ish and dark wavy hair that somehow falls in sort of soft curls.
Atsumu's happy too it seems, holding his -supposed - girlfriend's hand on the table, all lingering stares and soft smiles.
The girls is pretty too, tall and lean, pale-ish and dark wavy hair that somehow falls in sort of soft curls.
Dark eyes and - as his brain catches up - he can bet about some tiny moles on his face somewhere he doesnt notice now.
He doesn't notice cause he feels falling, maybe crumbling.
He blinks once, twice.
He can't be the only one to notice the similarities, Atsumu gotta too-
He doesn't notice cause he feels falling, maybe crumbling.
He blinks once, twice.
He can't be the only one to notice the similarities, Atsumu gotta too-
And Kiyoomi's whole being comes to a halt with that.
Atsumu IS aware, he must be cause otherwise it's just his subconscious that's fucked up at that point.
And if it didn't hurt before - if it was easier to pretend it didnt anyways - it does now.
It does devastatingly so.
Atsumu IS aware, he must be cause otherwise it's just his subconscious that's fucked up at that point.
And if it didn't hurt before - if it was easier to pretend it didnt anyways - it does now.
It does devastatingly so.
Those lingering stares, soft touches, Atsumu's love... how much it's for the girl and how much it's for Kiyoomi still?
He doesnt know, he doesn't even want to know, he wants to shatter with all the strenght of a crushed star.
He chuckles bitterly to himself.
He doesnt know, he doesn't even want to know, he wants to shatter with all the strenght of a crushed star.
He chuckles bitterly to himself.
It was his fault after all, he made himself unreachable, hard to love, he /ran away/; he shouldnt have the right to feel so hurt, right?
But he does, oh if he does.
He thinks when it was him instead of that girl, he thinks of the sweet moments and wants them back.
But he does, oh if he does.
He thinks when it was him instead of that girl, he thinks of the sweet moments and wants them back.
But he cant claim them, not anymore not after all that happened.
He feels anger.
If Atsumu wasnt over him, why didnt he try more? Why didnt he ran back to him to try? The setter always fought hard for what he loved... why did he give up so easily?
He'll never know.
He feels anger.
If Atsumu wasnt over him, why didnt he try more? Why didnt he ran back to him to try? The setter always fought hard for what he loved... why did he give up so easily?
He'll never know.
He doesnt even know how much time passed with him standing still, maybe seconds feeling like years, maybe minutes feeling like centuries; but he has to move and get his coffee and get out of the place before he starts screaming and tearing out his heart, that's all he knows.
Ho does that automatically, cause at least it's routine and routine keeps him grounded.
He orders the usual, pays, waits for it and goes back to the exit.
If life just wasn't painfully having fun with him, exiting would be easier.
But its not.
And all it takes is a look.
He orders the usual, pays, waits for it and goes back to the exit.
If life just wasn't painfully having fun with him, exiting would be easier.
But its not.
And all it takes is a look.
He knew it could've happened, having to walk next to Atsumu's table but he hoped to get out of it intact.
Eventually though he doesn't cause of course Atsumu has to look up in that moment and of course Kiyoomi has to eye to the table too and meet honey gold eyes looking at him.
Eventually though he doesn't cause of course Atsumu has to look up in that moment and of course Kiyoomi has to eye to the table too and meet honey gold eyes looking at him.
He finds out, that no matter how much time passes, he can still get lost in that honey sea, and that Atsumu seems to do the same with his onyx eyes.
No one says a word though, it would be too much, they can't even pretend indifference and they know that.
No one says a word though, it would be too much, they can't even pretend indifference and they know that.
It's a short time of eye contact but it feels like ages and ages going through it and Kiyoomi doesnt know if he can take more than that.
And Atsumu seems to know that, or maybe to feel the same, cause he looks away from him so quickly it seems like he just burnt himself.
And Atsumu seems to know that, or maybe to feel the same, cause he looks away from him so quickly it seems like he just burnt himself.
And Kiyoomi cant help but feel the same.
He looks away and makes his way to the outside world.
It feels too small now, and he blames that on Atsumu's existence cause he just does it so big and bright and loud that always made the outside world feel smaller than Omi's one.
He looks away and makes his way to the outside world.
It feels too small now, and he blames that on Atsumu's existence cause he just does it so big and bright and loud that always made the outside world feel smaller than Omi's one.
He doesn't know what he will do now with this smaller outside world, he doesnt know what he will do now with the knowledge that his heart still aches for Atsumu and probably Atsumu's heart does the same for Kiyoomi - at least enough to find someone that resembled him.
He doesnt know what he will do with the knowledge that they looked at each other for a few seconds and it felt like years of unspoken words all the same.
And that they still look at each other like they are everything they need in this universe.
But, he knows one thing.
And that they still look at each other like they are everything they need in this universe.
But, he knows one thing.
He knows he's a star and Atsumu's the sun.
Burning bright and strong all the same.
Destined to orbit around and onto each other.
Destined to collide.
Destined to destroy, even if they dont really want to.
It's a knowledge that makes Kiyoomi's world still turn and function.
Burning bright and strong all the same.
Destined to orbit around and onto each other.
Destined to collide.
Destined to destroy, even if they dont really want to.
It's a knowledge that makes Kiyoomi's world still turn and function.
And he's at peace with that, most of the times, at least.
And yes, he still feels burning and aching right now, but he won't tomorrow, or maybe in a couple days.
It's life, relentlessly reminding him of what he could have and what he's lost. Of Atsumu that could've been his.
And yes, he still feels burning and aching right now, but he won't tomorrow, or maybe in a couple days.
It's life, relentlessly reminding him of what he could have and what he's lost. Of Atsumu that could've been his.
But he's not.
He'll make peace with that too, he guesses.
For now, he'll sip his coffee, get back home, cuddle his cat and dream of honey golden eyes looking at him like he's all and more.
And that's okay.
He'll be okay tomorrow anyways, the world still turns.
He'll make peace with that too, he guesses.
For now, he'll sip his coffee, get back home, cuddle his cat and dream of honey golden eyes looking at him like he's all and more.
And that's okay.
He'll be okay tomorrow anyways, the world still turns.
// end (?)
I think I'm finished I didnt know how to end it and I'm not the most satisfied with it but !! still hope you'll enjoy it
Stream Mitski's new album !! Laurel Hell !! It's very good and this whole thread was inspired by a song on the album
I think I'm finished I didnt know how to end it and I'm not the most satisfied with it but !! still hope you'll enjoy it
Stream Mitski's new album !! Laurel Hell !! It's very good and this whole thread was inspired by a song on the album
