If you see me give a talk about my lab’s research, all animated and without using any notes, you might think I have a natural knack and love for public speaking. I *do*, but it wasn’t always that way.

Before my first presentation, for only ~3 professors on my grad committee, I almost barfed (this is saying a lot for this farm girl with a very strong stomach!)

Despite having been on the debate team in high school!

For most of my talks in grad school I wrote speaker notes verbatim and had to rely on them 100%, being so nervous. Over time, I would feel comfortable looking away from my notes occasionally.

Eventually, I stopped writing notes at all, other than the first few slides (getting going with good momentum is key for me). And for the past 150 talks, I’m note-free and not stressed at all

For people in underrepresented demographics the pressure is way more intense bc you're judged more harshly - of course you are more anxious than others about how intelligent you appear because you already have to prove your competence more than others and constantly self-monitor!

If you told grad-school-me, don’t worry, you will LOVE giving talks later on, I’d have genuinely thought you deluded. For introverts with a high level of self-critique/self-consciousness, it takes a lot to get comfortable speaking on the fly!

But I’m proof it can happen (n=1). I hope this is encouraging for anyone struggling with anxiety giving talks!