Thread by @Ssugkkie, Hahaaa kinda Vent/rant idk Vent// Rant// Tw/dysphoria and depressive talks maybe derealization [...]

Hahaaa kinda Vent/rant idk

Vent// Rant//
Tw/dysphoria and depressive talks maybe derealization ?

Please stay safe and seek help if you can you are valid and loved

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(Thread) (will delete later)

I& #39;ve been feeling really awful lately, my dysphoria is on a all time high and I hate it- it& #39;s starting to get to me more then I& #39;d like to admit- idk it didn& #39;t bother me to see myself in the mirror before, to see my Body do what It was and not what I wanted I to be- it& #39;s not fun..

Sometimes I have thoughts of just running away from home to give my hair styled the way I want, get my name changed, get surgery.. but- will it help?? I& #39;ve been living like this for so long idk if any of it would help anymore.. I just wish I wasn& #39;t- I can& #39;t even say it without

Feeling uncomfortable and gross- why- why am I like this-

I mentioned wanting to go to prom with friends- and I woke up this morning to a sparkly black lacy dress on my door- it looked really pretty but- idk- knowing I had no say in what I wanted to wear makes me feel worthless

And that my words hold no weight-

We went shopping for something yesterday but didn& #39;t find anything I liked ofc, me trying to hide what I actually wanted to wear- in fear ofc- I did see to hoodies I wanted- but when I went to ask ny mom all I could see was her yelling at me

& #39;your going to work me out of every nickel and dime huh?& #39;

& #39;id be so much better off if y& #39;all didn& #39;t make me buy so much& #39;

& #39;were going to end up in the streets if y& #39;all keep this up& #39;

& #39;ive provide so much already you really want more??& #39;

& #39;ungreatful bitch& #39;

The words just, idk- fell flat-

I don& #39;t feel valid, I don& #39;t feel like what I& #39;m feeling is real, I don& #39;t know if I& #39;m ever not going to feel this way

But that& #39;s life I guess, I& #39;ll just bottle everything up and bite my tongue, force a smile, and go.. hopefully have fun maybe

Idk, I just wish I didn& #39;t feel like this- I just want to feel comfortable in my own skin for once.. not hate my reflection because I& #39;m in someone else& #39;s body- I& #39;m so tierd- of hearing people call me her, calling me beautiful, calling me princess or little girl- I hate it

I just- idk why I& #39;m even trying to be comfortable anymore, it& #39;s not gonna be for a while until I actually feel valid enough to come out to my family, even then-

I won& #39;t ever here my mother call me son, let alone sound proud when talking about me

Not that she did that already-

All I& #39;ll hear is disgust, distain, hatred and other negative emotions-

I& #39;ve pretty much accepted that.. but-

I just hope one day.. I& #39;ll be able to be seen haha

(End thread)

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