More and more I feel the need to emphasise meaningful accountability for neurodivergent people insofar as we should not be held up to neurotypical standards of empathy etc but we do need to reckon with the boundaries we violate and the harm we can cause

I have more thoughts on this than I can probably articulate, but I'm really not okay with people excusing certain behaviours just based on neurotype. I will admit there are many grey areas we don't fully understand but imo communication of boundaries etc is a continuous process

Which means that it matters to me less what causes or creates a conflict than how people handle the follow up as well. Misunderstandings happen a lot and I will rarely judge someone on the initial misunderstanding because that is no one's fault, especially when you're ND

But I personally think that there are ways to communicate about these things even as an autistic person. I can understand as well that most of us have not been given the tools or opportunities to learn how to manage these things.

However, personally, I've been hurt the most by ND people including my own parents. I can understand their behaviour on the basis that they are ND and honestly it has helped me forgive them a little.

I still can't excuse all the harm they caused, particularly because they do not acknowledge it (which I think is an important part of negotiating boundaries) . I have been traumatised by both ND and NT people.

We can be kind to ourselves and kind to others and I think ND people need extra doses of kindness in a world that constantly misunderstands them. But I will not excuse abusive behaviour from ND people and I don't think I can swallow watching people excuse these things.

It seems to me to be a particular problem with white autistics who cannot seem to acknowledge how racism comes into play and just generally seem content to excuse other white autistics regardless of the scale of their bad behaviour.