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being gay made me a better person at the cost of my happiness
I& #39;ll probably delete this if anyone ever looks at my account, but for the sake of self-expression, I& #39;ll rant here since I don& #39;t have any friends to confide in right now x)
anyway, I don& #39;t think I& #39;d be straight if I had the option since almost everyone I know is homophobic and I& #39;d probably be homophobic as well due to environmental factors. Maybe not though, some of my friends are cool about the LGBT community, but it& #39;s a small minority
regardless, I don& #39;t recall being that happy before I realized I was gay, and after a few years of internalized homophobia, I finally learned to accept myself and other people, which is the only real reason I& #39;m thankful of this curse lol
I think most men are objectively terrible, which is ironic because I like them for some reason. I don& #39;t understand why toxic behavior and misogyny is glorified in friend groups and society in general.
Everytime I think someone is nice, they end up being immature or an asshole to people, which really sucks. I like gathering behavioral information on people, but it& #39;s lame that I can& #39;t date anyone I reciprocate feeling simply because of some factors in life they couldn& #39;t change
I don& #39;t know if anyone else strives for self improvement. I know I have a lot to work on, and if I have to change how I think to fit my standards of being a good person than so be it
I don& #39;t know why I& #39;m typing any of this. I& #39;m kinda frustrated that I can& #39;t come out to my friends. I can& #39;t say stuff I want to say and I have to suppress my feelings so much, it& #39;s infuriating. Two of my friends know I guess. I could tell a third one, he& #39;d be the only guy to know.
Aside from a handfull people, I don& #39;t know anyone else that actually supports LGBTQ+ rights at my school lol. It& #39;s bizzare that if I told one of my best friends "I& #39;m gay by the way, lol" I could lose an entire friendship. Years of talking just.. gone.
It& #39;s so irritating. Why don& #39;t some people think for themselves? I& #39;m the most passive person I know, and even I am capable of formulating my opinions about what is morality. So why is it that some people decide to read their morals from a book like this shit is Aesop& #39;s Fables?
I haven& #39;t experienced enough of the world to know if it& #39;s humanity or somehow just my city, but the lack of human decency in this world is appalling. It& #39;s funny, really. Despite being kinda depressed, I was much more optimistic a few years ago
Before I had experienced any racism, learned about homophobia, corporate scandals, corrupted government systems. Fuck everything was so easy. I was such a terrible person too. I guess that& #39;s just the way I was raised. I still think I& #39;m an inherently evil person sometimes
Maybe I was only happy because I was indulging in toxic behavior. Because I fit in with my friends. I don& #39;t know anymore.
My mind is slowing down, I guess that& #39;s the end of this rant lol. I& #39;m normally good at bottling up my feelings. This is kind of embarassing, but I don& #39;t think I would& #39;ve been able to sleep if I didn& #39;t post this. Anyway, I& #39;ll come back to this thread if I ever needa let loose :p
Holy shit my thoughts are so unorganized. I went off on too many tangents at once
