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Today marks 2yrs of divorce. But for all intents and purposes, my marriage essentially ended 4yrs prior. I’ve therefore had 6yrs to question everything about my life. 6yrs of alone time to process the meaning of my life, put together disparate pieces, and realize wholeness. 1/15
One theme that comes up over and over again in my memory is the fact that I’m a special case. It’s a huge part of my story. Nothing has ever been straightforward with me. Drs said I would never amt to anything intellectually, but my mom basically told them F you, I know my son. 2
A special case. Growing up, provisions were often made for me to move up beyond my age group bc I was deemed more mature. A special case. As I got older, people frequently deliberated about me, as the decision they had to make on me was a tough one because I was a special case. 3
Over the years, I’ve found myself in SO MANY situations where I had to wait on people discussing me in rooms to decide whether or not to give me an opportunity because they just couldn’t figure it out. Something about me made the decision difficult either way. A special case. 4
For much of my 30s, those decisions started to no longer work in my favor, and I went on a huge losing streak. But staring down the barrel of divorce, I had to try some things I hadn’t before to start my life rebuild. It’s been difficult and progress hasn’t always come 5
as quickly as I would’ve liked, but I’ve made progress nonetheless. The issue is my circumstances post-divorce were/have been so bad that dating has essentially been a non-starter (This is getting ready to change tho 
). You see, it took me getting hurt badly to understand 6
). You see, it took me getting hurt badly to understand 6
just how unrealistic my desire to date was, given my situation. I believe in myself and I know I’m a great guy, but nobody cares how great a guy you are when your circumstances don’t create the requisite room for a good woman to be in your life. 7
It would’ve required the woman I gave my heart to, as so many others in my past have, make special provisions for me. There comes a point in your life where that crap gets old and at 39, I’m there. I don’t want to be a special case anymore. 8
I want to build a life that allows me to put my best foot forward and not only love a woman the way she deserves to be loved, but love her to the fullest extent of what I feel toward her in my heart. Basically, I want to eliminate as many circumstantial obstacles as possible 9
that would prevent me from executing the plays the way they were drawn up in practice. I don’t want a woman to have to struggle to see past BS limitations that shouldn’t be present anymore in order to see how much of an asset I can be to her life. 10
Now LISTEN—I’m not fighting for anyone’s approval or anything. I know my worth, and I’m not hanging my hat on anyone’s ability (or lack thereof) to see that worth. I just want to do all I can to make the vision a little clearer. 11
This is why @iammiketodd’s tweet about paying attention to patterns over potential bothered me so much (and why I had to get this thread off my chest before I lay my head down to sleep tonight). He’s absolutely RIGHT as a general rule, and it eats at me because 12
I’m that guy who, for years, had potential to the moon but was unable to break the crappy patterns he (and anybody with good sense) instructs you to pay most attention to. I know me and I KNOW I am better than the patterns I’ve displayed over time. 13
I have the ability and, more importantly (IMO), the deep desire to treat a woman like the queen she is and make it clear beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am the kind of man she can build with. I am doing so many things in this season to put those circumstantial patterns 14
behind me, once and for all. I’m a special guy, but I don’t want to be a special case anymore. I am more than what you see right now, and I am better than what I’ve been through. And whenever I’m given the chance to prove as such, I will, in spades. It’s early. Stay tuned. 15/15
OT: How important was it that I get this thread off tonight? I was supposed to (a) run another few miles after I put my daughter in the bed and (b) be in the bed at minimum an hour and a half ago. But these thoughts would’ve gnawed at me all night.
