Hi. While I was in the Army I demanded women to perform better than the men I worked with. I set the bar higher for women because I believed any perceived failure by any woman was a mark against all women. It wasn't enough for women to just meet the standard...1/

I wanted them to exceed the standard. I wanted us all to at least meet the male PT standard. Because I had to work my ass off in every way to get to where I was, I wore it like a badge of honor. I wanted the women around me to feel that power. What power? 2/

I have no clue what power I thought I was gaining from my efforts. I made other women feel inferior if they weren't overachievers trying to be in the boy's club. I thought I had done everything right to be trusted, respected, and equal. 3/

Why shouldn't the women under me do the same? I did it. I was a single parent, deployed twice, always had an up to date moment's notice family care plan, graduated in the top 3 of every PME/training the Army sent me to and was hella good at every job/position I worked in. 4/

I played their game and sometimes beat them at it. Until I didn't. I had 2 hip surgeries by the time I was 30 and that has more to do with me than other women I suppose. But then I healed enough to play the game and rise again with some physical limitations. 5/

Maybe that vulnerability was what made my rater (MAJ) come after me. I showed weakness. I was no longer one of them. Really he was just a shit human but let's not forget that I immediately blamed myself. Because that's how it works when the rules are stacked against you. 6/

It's you that has to be better. It is you that has to rise from ashes. It will always be you because the rules were written for them. I know you want to play by the rules because right now you can. I have been there. I see her in the mirror. 7/

The purpose of blazing a trail is so that others can follow your lead. You can't set the bridges on fire while the rest try to improve the trail behind you. That's why I smashed some glass on my way through. fin/