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on motherhood: Big week for our household. Our youngest, most mischievous child, Josh, turns 10 on Wednesday. We had kids somewhat late – Josh was our mid-life surprise @ 40. With his milestone birthday, so close to Mother’s Day, I have wanted to say a few things...
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Motherhood does not define me; it’s not the totality of my personality. In fact, I’ve railed against the “cult of womanhood” for as long as I can remember. To many, my own mom is a saint – the ideal doting mother who sublimated everything she ever wanted for her family.
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I, however, recall her being beholden to controlling men and, most of the time, if we were being honest, she was simply miserable. So 15 years after our first child – with whom I have a difficult relationship – I can say I am comfortable with the mother I am.
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Given that I’ve always worked, I’ve had to make choices about what motherhood looks like for me. I care about health a lot, so I cook almost every meal from scratch. What I sacrifice is being a room mom or someone who played on the floor for hours with blocks or toys.
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I care about manners, so our kids are extremely polite in public but often talk sass at home, which rolls off me most of the time. I care about their education so although they aren't geniuses they do their homework and are expected to go to college or get a job at 18.
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And, finally, if you meet me IRL please understand I won’t talk about our kids incessantly. In fact, I deliberately chose to marry someone who I knew wouldn’t be obsessed with our future kids on date night for the rest of my life.
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Many people on Twitter will read this and decide I am a terrible person who shouldn’t have had kids. Of course, I’d ask those same people to check themselves on how many MEN they’ve criticized for parenthood not defining them but that's another story...
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I’d also say: our family is just fine thanks. Our sweet boys will grow up to make their own conclusions on my merits as a mom – I’m certain they will say I failed at a lot but succeeded at more than they expected.
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Motherhood is hard. It's a conversation I wish our society had more honestly, which is why I wrote this thread. Also, our soulful youngest child is a gift who sees me for who I am. And with that I wish Joshua Michael the best birthday ever!
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