ok i haven’t rly stopped thinking about this so can i just say au where hobi joins together the best of the best in the world of international crime when he finds out a rival organization hijacked a shipment of priceless art he was expecting https://twitter.com/taehyikes/status/1391433789608497156

the thing is, hobi realizes it maybe sounds petty of him to go thru these great criminal lengths to get back a couple of paintings, especially when he tries not to partake in his fam business, but there’s more to it then that OK don’t u dare fucking judge him

he BOUGHT these paintings. with his own MONEY. sure he could have stolen them, he’s got the manpower to do it, but he doesn’t like doing crime ALWAYS sometimes he just wants to be a patron of the arts ok? and he sunk half a trillion won into these paintings and he WANTS THEM BACK

plus this isn’t the first time he’s had a conflict with this rival group, they’re the reason for quite a few of his failed deals in the past, and he’s willing to think they’re also the cause of the disappearances of a few of his past employees, so he’s ready to fuck some shit up

the plan is simple. infiltrate the estate with his stolen paintings, steal all their art (not just what belongs to hobi, he wants it ALL), and then burn the fucking place to the ground

the problem is, the estate is a fortress. the treasures in their vaults have a net worth in the trillions, the security systems rival that of world rulers, and he knows for a fact they employ the equivalent of a small army, those obnoxious assholes

so he recruits a team

first kim namjoon, the guy who’s hacked into every major intelligence organization out there, and has orchestrated some of the most high value data breaches in the industry (including 1 that caused quite a bit of trouble for hobi’s family but hs is willing to forgive and forget)

then there’s kim seokjin, the only art connoisseur who knows what the fuck they’re actually talking about. not a single noteworthy art heist has occurred in the past decade that wasnt aided in some way by seokjin, and hobi needs him on his team

next is park jimin, one of his men on the ground. if anyone has experience in breaking into places he shouldn’t be it’s jimin. he’s a master of stealth and absolute hell to go up against in a fight, and tbh hobi is mildly terrified of him but also he thinks they could be besties

and the only person with equal experience to jimin in stealth has to be kim taehyung, the literal cat burglar. if hobi only wanted his paintings, he’d probably just send tae in alone, in and out with his art in no time, honestly tae could handle it without batting an eyelash

but hobi wants more than his paintings, he wants REVENGE, he wants DRAMA, he wants to make a BANG. so that’s where min yoongi comes in, the most skilled arsonist and explosive technician in the eastern hemisphere

and then of course there’s his faithful bodyguard jungkook, the only person he trusts enough in the world to help organize the mission, especially bc he doesn’t want to spread the news of the heist to the rest of his family’s employees in case there’s any moles in the midst

when they all start working together, it clicks. they get along well and coincidentally they’ve all been wronged in some way by this rival group so they’ve got something to BOND over and it’s NICE. they have a common enemy AND they all like the same snacks! bonding montage GO

well bonding montage for everyone EXCEPT for jikook. they’re the only trained killers in the team and somehow they both IMMEDIATELY get off on the wrong foot, which is not great news vis a vis the increased possibility of one of their fights ending in accidental murder

it started when hobi was explaining everyone’s roles in their first group meeting, going over tae’s unmatched burglary skills, jin’s keen understanding of underground art trafficking, but then someone pipes up and points to jk who’s been hovering in the corner in the room

they’re just like “and who the fuck is the silent hulk over there” and hobi just kind of laughs and is like well that’s my kookie! he could kill everyone in this room if i asked him to

and everyone kind of just chuckles nervously, except for jimin who’s like “um. have you forgotten i’m a trained assassin or..” and hobi’s apologizing for causing any offense when suddenly there’s a knife whizzing half an inch past jimin’s face, cutting into the wall behind him

they all look to jungkook who just kind of shrugs and tucks his hand back in his pocket, satisfied with his demonstration, and seokjin pipes up to be like UM WELL I JUST SELL PAINTINGS, I POSE NO THREAT, NO KNIFE DEMOS NECESSARY AHA

jimin spends the rest of the night staring daggers at jungkook, absolutely livid at the demonstration of strength and skill at HIS expense, and he starts plotting ways of showing jk how bad of an idea it was to threaten him like that

but as the weeks pass and their plans get put into motion, he figures out that sure jungkook probably could kill him if he wanted to, but he also would never hurt someone if they didn’t pose a threat to the ppl he cares about

and the ppl jk cares about used just to be hobi, the man who gave him a home when jk was just 14, orphaned and trying to pick pockets just to be able to feed himself, even tho he was clumsy and terrible at it and almost always got caught

hobi who never let jungkook get into any of the unsavory dealings of his family business, just made him go to school like a normal kid and when he graduated he became hobi’s personal assistant, and then eventually as years passed and jk got stronger, his bodyguard

but now all 7 of them are working together and suddenly jk can’t remember a time it was just him and hobi against the world, suddenly he’s got 6 hyungs he wants to protect and it’s starting to scare him that he’s just one man, maybe he’s not enough

jimin watches the change in jk’s attachment to them all happen, because he watches everything jungkook does nowadays, and it startles him when he realizes he misjudged jk that first day they met

they go on a reconnaissance mission one day to scout the estate they’re eventually infiltrating, and when they get spotted in the woods lining the property by a stray henchman, jk doesn’t think twice before putting himself in front of jimin

when they get back to hobi’s estate and jk has a minor stab wound and jimin’s untouched, jimin decides to put the grudge behind him, decides to put his effort into making sure he’s never the cause of another injury again, something he’s never had to think about alone in the field

when hobi dresses jk’s wounds later that night and he’s wondering out loud how anyone could have gotten their hands on jk, jk has to admit to his hyung that maybe he was trying to show off a little and got distracted and didn’t notice the knife right away

hobi nearly chokes on his tongue bc jk has never had a crush on anyone before (well except for the crush he had on hobi in his teens, but that’s behind them) and hobi has always just wanted jk to have an easy normal life w someone he can love

so suddenly this great intense art heist that’s supposed to tear down his rivals once and for all turns into hobi’s attempt at a matchmaking show

he enlists the help of the others who are all INCREDIBLY fond of jk now, and they work together to 1) help jk seduce jimin 2) without jk actually knowing that’s what they’re trying to do 3) while also yes still planning the greatest heist of the century it’s gonna be so dope

yoongi has to go to the docks one day to check out a selection of ahem fire making equipment he ordered, and it’s sketchy so he makes jikook come with him but oops!! we accidentally stumbled across this romantic restaurant on the water, i guess we have to stop for lunch!!

and yg is like oh actually why don’t u guys stay and i’ll go deal w the expl0sive stuff aha u two kids have fun! and jikook r like absolutely no way in hell r u going alone?? so yg ends up staying and they have a lovely time together even if it wasn’t exactly yg’s master plan

the next day seokjin is making dinner for everyone bc serendipitously hobi’s chef has been given a day off, so he asks jikooks for help bc theres just SO many mouths to feed, and as they’re all cutting veg and stuff, jin spills oil all over jk’s shirt in a ploy to get him topless

but jk is like wtf u did that on purpose? and spills oil of jins shirt too, who bumps into jm in his panic to get away and soon enough they’re all just awkward standing topless in the kitchen with shimmering abs and eventually jm is like um.. we should prob get back to cooking

later that week nj asks them to help him w something in storage bc he got a shipment of tech but the boxes r so heavy he can’t pick them up to figure out what’s inside and jikook r SO strong (but rly his plan is to “accidentally” lock jikook in the storage room together mwahaha)

but the plan backfires when nj accidentally breaks the door handle and locks all 3 of them in the room together, OOPS! so while they’re waiting to be found they make nj tell them ab all his past heists and they’re like UR SO COOL and he’s just like THIS WASN’T THE PLAN

tae says his strategy is the least intricate but he assures the others it’ll be VERY effective, and namjin r like how exactly is bringing them to ur fav bunny sanctuary and discreetly covering them in flower petals so the bunnies surround them to snack and cuddle NOT intricate?

but tae goes thru with the plan anyways and it kinda works, the bunnies know him well bc he owns the land the sanctuary is on, but as he demonstrates to jikook how to feed them the flowers he brought they just kind of stare in awe and take pictures of tae bc wtf this is so cute

eventually the hyungs come looking for them bc it’s been hours and it’s starting to get dark and they’re a little protective now even IF jikook r technically assassins, and when they find them giggling in a pile of bunnies all they can manage to do is take an obscene # of pics 2

at the end of the week jk goes to hobi w his head in his hands and hobi is like oh no did i overwhelm him with all the feelings he now has for jimin, this poor kid went from no experience to suddenly being put in the MOST romantic possible situations oh god what have i done

but jk just looks at hobi in anguish and is like hyung what do i do if i have a crush on multiple ppl :(

and hobi is like w...what? what do u mean ? and jk is like everyone on the team has been doing stuff this week that’s made me see a diff side of them and they’re all so lovely and i went from caring in a friend way to caring a lot more?? like romantically?? what do i do!!!!!!

and hobi’s like ummm ok well that wasn’t rly my plan but ok honey if u have a crush on 5 ppl then hyung is gonna make sure you’re all together ok hyung will take care of it just u wait you’ll have 5 husbands by the end of the year i promise

and jk is a little shy when he coughs into his fist and mumbles something and hobi’s like what was that honey? and jk’s like um., 6 husbands is uh. more what i was thinking

and hobi’s like omg??? u have a crush on one of my other henchmen too??? who is it??? and jk just stares at him in disbelief and is like hyung i’ve been in love w u since i was a teenager do u rly think that ever went away?

and hobi starts giving jk the same speech he gave when jk was 18 and confessed in a similar way, about the power dynamic between them and how jk is hobi’s family and they shouldn’t push it further, and jk cuts him off to be like, can i please kiss you?

and hobi’s freaking out bc he always made sure there was that wall between them, has always just wanted to protect jk as best he can without risking it to something messy like romance, but also hobi really wants the fucking kiss so he says yes

they go hand in hand to the others later and they’re like um yes hi so actually we’re dating now aha and also we’re in love and also pls don’t look at any security footage from the kitchen from the past hour pls we forgot there were cameras in there

and the others are like um? oh my god we’re so happy for you? but they all kind of look at jimin who’s smiling but hasn’t said anything and also they’re kind of all confused by the fact that they’re not feeling as jubilant as they should be

but hobi kisses jk’s cheek and is like come on bun, just like we practiced ok? and jk steels himself and is like right yes ok well the thing is i’ve got feelings for all of u and i think after we pull off this heist next week u should all stay in busan and date me

and they all stare at him a little dumbfounded but finally tae is the first one to crack and he’s like hell fuckin yeah dude!!!!! i’ve had a boner since u and jimin cuddled up w that pile of baby bunnies, let’s fucking date this is the best day of my life

and yoonjin are like ahem well we uhhhh also have been lowkey sleeping w each other but we also have a crush on u jk *cough* and everyone else here *cough* so yeah, and namjoon is like *cough* i second that sentiment *cough* ur all beautiful *cough* jk i love ur muscles *cough*

and jk turns to jm and is like is this ok? i feel like u have feelings for me but it’s ok if ur not interested in a relationship like this, i totally understand, i shouldn’t have just thrown this at u i should’ve told u separately- and jimin just kisses him to get him to shut up

jimin’s like listen i’m pretty sure everyone here also has a crush on me after this week and i’ve never felt like i’ve belonged somewhere before and i’ve been on the run from shit all my life and there’s just absolutely nothing u can fucking do to get rid of me, i’m staying

they decide to postpone ironing out the details of what their relationship will look like until after the heist bc it’s a lot to discuss, but they still spend the next week blushing at each other and stealing kisses in hallways and holding hands under tables during meetings

and the heist goes perfectly and hobi has a truckload of priceless art and yoongi didn’t get a SPECK of ash on his nice white suit hobi had tailored for him and they celebrate with a vacation to hobi’s private tropical island and they fall in love and live happily ever after

OK BACK TO FINALS!!! DIDNT MEAN TO TAKE THAT LONG OF A BREAK JUST RLY LIKE CRIME AND ROMANCE I GUESS