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For those of you who suffer with anxiety, here's the therapist's advice that changed my life 
#MentalHealthAwarenessWeek
#MentalHealthAwarenessWeek
About 18 months ago, I was settling back into a deep anxious spiral. It was something I'd known before. It wasn't new to me.
My chest was tight 24/7. I had panic attacks regularly. I couldn't sleep. You know the phases I mean.
My chest was tight 24/7. I had panic attacks regularly. I couldn't sleep. You know the phases I mean.
When I spoke to my very-blunt-speaking therapist about this, she said "Well yeah, people are overstepping your boundaries."
I felt genuinely confused - what did my boundaries or perhaps lack of, have to do with how anxious I was feeling?
I felt genuinely confused - what did my boundaries or perhaps lack of, have to do with how anxious I was feeling?
She said "when you're feeling anxious, it's because your boundaries are being overstepped. it's that simple."
Honestly? I didn't believe it. I'd been diagnosed with severe anxiety years ago, I'd had multiple therapists beforehand and yet, no one had ever simplified it to this.
Honestly? I didn't believe it. I'd been diagnosed with severe anxiety years ago, I'd had multiple therapists beforehand and yet, no one had ever simplified it to this.
So, we went through my then-current anxiety filled moments.
We went through what situations I felt my chest tightening in, we went through what kept me up at night....
and we went through exactly what boundaries were being overstepped in *each and every single one*.
We went through what situations I felt my chest tightening in, we went through what kept me up at night....
and we went through exactly what boundaries were being overstepped in *each and every single one*.
She was right, of course. Suddenly, I had the task of disallowing people from overstepping boundaries they probably didn't even know I had (or wanted to have).
My life felt messy, and this was the ultimate solution.
My life felt messy, and this was the ultimate solution.
I spent a lot of time, in session and out, unpicking my values, my beliefs and ultimately my boundaries.
I learned very quickly, that with each situation I solved, I could suddenly breathe again.
I learned very quickly, that with each situation I solved, I could suddenly breathe again.
My biggest learning was that I could walk away from anyone not listening or respecting those boundaries.
Now, anxiety is not a massive part of my life. It doesn't drive me or hold me back - tbh it barely even crosses my mind.
Now, anxiety is not a massive part of my life. It doesn't drive me or hold me back - tbh it barely even crosses my mind.
When the feeling creeps back in occasionally, I take a step back and spot which boundary wasn't in place as firmly as I thought it was.
I take a moment to reassert the boundary. I do not base that boundary on what other's deem acceptable.
The panic subsides - immediately.
I take a moment to reassert the boundary. I do not base that boundary on what other's deem acceptable.
The panic subsides - immediately.
TLDR: my therapist said boundaries being overstepped was the reason I was always feeling anxious.
She was 100% correct.
I learnt to assert boundaries and walk away if they weren't respected, and I am no longer an anxious person.
She was 100% correct.
I learnt to assert boundaries and walk away if they weren't respected, and I am no longer an anxious person.
