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#MentalHealthAwarenessWeek My personal thread
I have suffered with social anxiety now for around 17 years. Although didn’t know it was that until I was diagnosed a few years later. I started to connect the dots of the previous years as to why I was like that ...
... it wasn’t until I had my son that it became unbearable. I couldn’t and wouldn’t leave the house on my own or with just my son in fear of getting judged by others on my appearance and parental skills. I’d always go out with someone else. If I knew that I’d have to go out ...
... on my own, I’d have to psych myself up for a good hour or so, although that rarely seemed to help, and I’d get to my front door, staring at the door whilst I froze from fear. I’d cancel plans with friends, even family, because I couldn’t face the world ...
... my home was my safe place. I gradually over the years got to a place were, even though fear rippled through my body, I could manage to walk to the corner shop myself. Not a big deal to some, but for me it was like climbing Mount Everest. It was a celebration for me ...
... which I was proud of. Between the months of May 2016 - Dec 2017, I helped my dad to look after my mam, who had been diagnosed with cancer in May 2016. In the last few months, I was there every day giving my mam personal and continence care but then still going to work ...
... when my mam passed away 7 December 2017, it didn’t hit me completely. Afterwards I threw myself into work and it wasn’t until 17 months later, in May 2019, that it finally hit me. I began having intrusive thoughts and not wanting to get out of bed ...
... I’d even wake up wishing I hadn’t woken up. I tried putting on a “happy and smiley” face when out or at work. That didn’t seem to work because a close friend of mine who I worked with noticed my behaviour had changed. I wasn’t actually the “happy and smiley” person ...
... I tried to let people know I was. This friend saw straight through me and asked in private if I was okay! I eventually crumbled and told her EVERYTHING I felt and how I wished I wasn’t here anymore. She took me to my doctors in March 2020 (just before 1st lockdown) ...
... I had support and felt I was cared for! The doctor diagnosed me with severe depression. Although I soon started to slip back into the intrusive thoughts again around July 2020. Wishing I wasn’t here anymore and what was my purpose to be here. I ended up leaving my job ...
... in August 2020 as my mental health was rock bottom. I think most people who saw me around this time had no idea the actual feelings of self hatred I had towards myself and everything I loved doing I couldn’t be bothered with it anymore. I fell out of love with things ...
... it took me until around February 2021 to realise that I HAVE a reason to live. I have people who love me. I have my son who I love more than anyone and I couldn’t bear to leave this world without him. This is were most people don’t know just how much @BTS_twt ...
... have had an impact on my life! I think a lot of people just think I need to grow up as I’m 34 and fangirling over this group! Yes, I do but nobody realises just how much they’ve changed my life for the better. I know it’s a cliche but they’ve helped with my battle ...
... they have genuinely given me a reason to smile/laugh again. They’ve given me hope. Their messages of ‘love yourself’ and just the affection they show towards their fans (Army), it’s made me think that even though they don’t know I exist, they have my back and they love me ...
... I want people to know that although I am suffering, I am here for them! I problem shared is a problem halved. If I can just make ONE person smile/laugh then that means more to me than winning the lottery! Please don’t ever suffer in silence ...
... as there is someone always there for you! Although it may seem there’s no way out, there is. My inbox is open to anyone who is going through something. Day or night, you need someone to talk to I’m here. I’ll have your back and be in your corner 
... not only is it @BTS_twt that have helped me this year and of course my family, there are 4 women who I’ve met through BTS who have changed my life too. They are the most supportive, lovely and wonderful friends I’ve had and to know there’s no judgement from them ...
... and to know I have them in my corner. To them I am their golden maknae, but to me they’re my world! Thank you @susiesue40 @CathMoore11 @Amanda_Vincent7 and Susan for your friendship
