Read on Twitter
no, there’s no crime hidden behind that anonymous account, nothing scandalous at all. just evidence of two men too in love with each other for the world to handle. +
the only reason this stan account is not always opened is because the temptation always becomes too real. real enough that the itch to post a private a picture sometimes becomes too much—a never-before released capture of an intimate moment. +
maybe one where lips are locked, exchanging expressions of love made up of little nips and licks than actual syllables. +
but they’re trending again today, and while j!min’s chest is almost full to bursting with love and affection for the boyfriend he’s sorely missing, he dares to switch the account. +
it’s just a little peek, it’s safe, right? he can just open that tag, find out why they’re trending, like a few pictures, bookmark a few new threads. what could go wrong?
so he clicks on their tag. +
so he clicks on their tag. +
and for the first half an hour, it really is nothing to be concerned with. most of the pictures aren’t even new, just relatively fresh compilations of photos that have long found their way on the internet and refused to leave. +
but then j!min finds a thread. and then shit hits the proverbial fan. +
( a/n: here’s the thread referenced on this fic. if the need for visual representation becomes too much to ignore. *youtuber voice*: thanks once again to @vmxn__ for sponsoring this video!!! )
the first few threads are not that worrying, most of them just thirst posts. no, not of army thirsting over ta3hyung or him. it’s him or ta3hyung thirsting over each other. +
once again, j!min is reminded that ta3hyung really does have a very passionate fixation on his ass, those are some substantial slaps and squeezes. +
& j!min swears that looking at those gifs of ta3hyung’s wide palm hitting the fleshiest part of his butt hard enough to make it jiggle, a phantom sting jolts down his spine, reminding him of how crisp that slap sounded against his skin, how delicious that tiny bite of pain felt +
then, it gets deeper. +
“can j!min be the girlfriend?”
they were young, and to the listeners of that radio show, to those who’ve seen the video, it may seem like two young adults barely out of their teenage years are just being silly, too clingy with each other. +
they were young, and to the listeners of that radio show, to those who’ve seen the video, it may seem like two young adults barely out of their teenage years are just being silly, too clingy with each other. +
but the memory of a few nights before that guesting is still fresh in j!min’s mind even after all these years. it was a slip up, an accident during one of those silly roleplays they like to do together late at night. +
they’re acting out a scenario between two men in a relationship and the excitement got too much for j!min to handle. with his heart beating out of his chest, his cheeks aflame with a blush, he’d declared, “okay, you be the boyfriend, i’ll be the girlfriend.” +
the silence that followed after was deafening. but three, four, five seconds after, and ta3hyung’s wide, boxy smile is appearing as he pulls j!min close to his chest. “okay, you’ll be the girlfriend then. whatever you want, j!minie.” +
and the smack of the kiss ta3hyung left on his hair echoes in j!min’s ears days after, surrounded by their bandmates and radio station crew. +
“M-me?” he had stuttered then, unsure of what to say, how to react, scared of the others finding the request weird. but no one batted an eyelash, and j!min’s heart soared at the intense look of encouragement on ta3hyung’s eyes across the table. +
later that night, when j!min turned in bed, finding home in the crook of ta3hyung’s neck, and whispered, “thank you, taetae,” his arms felt like wings. +
“what for?” ta3hyung asked then, always unaware of the impact he had on people’s lives, how his very presence can be life-changing.
“for what you did today. earlier today. i felt... free.” +
“for what you did today. earlier today. i felt... free.” +
and there it had been again, that very bright smile on the younger’s lips, the glitters of stars in his eyes. “you’re welcome, minie. my little swan.” and, for the first time, j!min entertained the idea that maybe, just maybe, he wasn’t an ugly duckling after all. +
maybe he really was the seventh swan, just late to bloom and still learning to spread his wings on his own.
suddenly, j!min’s heart turns a little bit fuller but a lot lighter with the reminder of that night—the night he first realized he was falling for his soulmate. +
suddenly, j!min’s heart turns a little bit fuller but a lot lighter with the reminder of that night—the night he first realized he was falling for his soulmate. +
tiny fingers slide upwards on the screen then, scrolling down memory lane, tummy aflutter with new flocks of butterflies for each post he passes. one-by-one, j!min is given a reminder of how in love he is with his boyfriend. +
how there aren’t enough red heart balloons in the world that could signify just how much love and affection he has for ta3hyung. +
how, every time ta3hyung holds his hand, he reinforces the promises he kisses upon j!min’s fingers every morning, a chain of a vow to prove to him that he’ll never let go no matter where their journey takes them next. +
‘j!min is at the perfect height to bury his face in ta3hyung’s neck..’ one tweet says. a tiny chuckle is peeled off of j!min’s throat then because, actually, ta3hyung’s neck is one of his favorite spots to hide against. +
press a small kiss on that sensitive spot above his pulse and the little bear will melt right there and then. and the fast drumming of that pulse? always tickles j!min’s lips and sets his own heart alight. +
down, down, and even lower, j!min scrolls. past amusing shots of them with the president himself during one of the proudest moments of their lives. and yet, all he and ta3hyung had eyes for were each other. +
it’s a thing they do, actually. and it’s not even subtle. j!min has, after all, claimed multiple times that he can never take his eyes off of ta3hyung. that’s a known fact. +
but as j!min scrolls even further down, his hand jumps at a certain post, finger left hovering over his screen as his eyes watch the looped video over and over again. there, the caption claims that ta3hyung zones out when he stares at j!min, a mesmerized smile on his face. +
and on the right of the video, captured and immortalized in an endless loop is ta3hyung doing exactly that. +
there’s something about that particular video, something about the way ta3hyung looked at him while he wasn’t aware, the most subtle upturn of the corners of his lips pulling his mouth up in a tiny smile. +
something about that suddenly panicked look on his face when j!min turned around. it’s funny, they weren’t even pining after each other anymore at this time. they were already together then, very much in love. +
yet, there was a touch of something new in ta3hyung’s eyes, a thirst that j!min finds each and every morning they wake up next to each other. +
it’s been years since they’ve uttered the first explicit words of romantic love to each other, but mornings still exist when j!min opens his eyes, and finds ta3hyung already awake, watching him fondly. +
“don’t stare, that’s creepy,” j!min would say with a yawn, teasing as he’s also blushing.
and ta3hyung would pout, deep and adorable. “i can’t help it.” +
and ta3hyung would pout, deep and adorable. “i can’t help it.” +
the older would then find his favorite spot against ta3hyung’s neck. so his lips would be pressing against ta3hyung’s pulse point in a silent kiss, very much aware of how much harder the younger’s heartbeat punches beneath the skin when he replies to j!min. +
“you’re just too beautiful not to watch all the time.” +
j!min never once thought that ta3hyung was lying or being too dramatic, trying to woo him for no reason. every single time ta3hyung would say words like those, j!min felt it in his bones, in every fiber of his flesh, in every piece of their fused soul. +
but seeing moments like this, moments where ta3hyung stared at him like he put the stars in the sky, that truth is made all the more real, all the more felt, all the more a promise. +
and, just like that, the screen is blurring as tears slowly fill j!min’s eyes, his emotions bubbling over the brim in the form of fat tears. he can never properly hold these emotions in. and today is no different. +
the next posts become a blur then, stacks and stacks of photos and proof of a love that, while not spoken aloud and in explicit and direct words, can transcend even the limits of distance and secrecy. +
posts speak of a love that’s embedded in their souls, a love that screams of happiness in the loudest ways possible and it’s too much all of a sudden.
it’s too much.
too fucking much. +
it’s too much.
too fucking much. +
because these are words from strangers, words from people thousands of miles away. these are people who have never seen the two of them breathe the same air. and why?! why is it all so unfair?!
why can these strangers talk about their love as if they know all about it?! +
why can these strangers talk about their love as if they know all about it?! +
why are these people free to speak about the love running through j!min’s veins while j!min... j!min is left here, in the room he shares with ta3hyung, in the middle of the bed still crumpled in the middle by the shape of ta3hyung’s body. and he can do nothing... +
why do these people get to talk about ta3hyung’s love for him when j!min can’t even tell people that yes! yes, ta3hyung is the love of his life! and yes, his soul is made brighter by the vibrance of ta3hyung’s smile. +
and yes, j!min does get to be the girlfriend sometimes when she feels like it and ta3hyung’s beautiful soul doesn’t love her any less for it. +
and he wants to. he wants to tell people how ta3hyung is as beautiful as the future j!min sees in his eyes every morning. j!min wants to tell people that there’s no place in the world as peaceful as the cage of ta3hyung’s arms. +
he wants to tell people that there’s nothing he would hold as gently and tenderly as he does his little bear’s heart.
j!min wants to tell people that ta3hyung is the very definition of love, and the reason behind every single time j!min has felt it.
but he can’t.
he can’t +
j!min wants to tell people that ta3hyung is the very definition of love, and the reason behind every single time j!min has felt it.
but he can’t.
he can’t +
and it hurts.
it hurts so fucking much.
pain rips through j!min’s chest then, a kind of sting he hasn’t felt in so long. it leaves him wheezing, gasping through sobs strong enough to wrack his whole, hunched figure. +
it hurts so fucking much.
pain rips through j!min’s chest then, a kind of sting he hasn’t felt in so long. it leaves him wheezing, gasping through sobs strong enough to wrack his whole, hunched figure. +
the phone falls from his hold, tumbling on the bed and landing face up on the sheets. on the screen, a photo glares at him, a snap of his own face, his love for ta3hyung written all over his face in block letters. +
and all of a sudden, it’s cold, too cold. and he’s left, hugging his own legs, trying to put pressure on his chest to ease some of the pain, trying to feel a little less trapped. +
and in all of this, there’s only one clear thought of yearning flashing through his mind: he needs ta3hyung. +
so, of course, as though a voice has been calling for ta3hyung, as though the trembling of j!min’s hand was tugging at the red string connecting the two of them, the door creaks open and in comes ta3hyung. +
the next thing j!min feels are strong arms wrapping around his figure, lifting him easily until he’s curled up on his boyfriend’s lap, cradled in the safety of his embrace. +
“angel, what’s happening? talk to me. please.”
“it hurts,” j!min wheezes. “it hurts, taetae.” +
“it hurts,” j!min wheezes. “it hurts, taetae.” +
“hey, i’ve got you, i’ve got you, mimi. i’ll make it better. i promise.” and ta3hyung never breaks his promises. +
with a kiss to j!min’s hair, he punctuates his words with a movement of his hand, his wide palm finding j!min’s chest, gentle fingers kneading away the pain over j!min’s heart, easing the ache of a wounded soul. +
and, finally, j!min takes a much-needed inhale of breath, the air infused with the calming scent of ta3hyung’s moisturizer.
ta3hyung’s kiss, ta3hyung’s embrace, ta3hyung’s voice, ta3hyung’s scent, ta3hyung’s everything. it’s all j!min needs.
once again, j!min can breathe. +
ta3hyung’s kiss, ta3hyung’s embrace, ta3hyung’s voice, ta3hyung’s scent, ta3hyung’s everything. it’s all j!min needs.
once again, j!min can breathe. +
still, it takes time before the tears subside. it takes a while before the lump in j!min’s throat has melted enough to allow him to speak. and ta3hyung, beautiful, patient ta3hyung, holds him through every inhale, guides him through every exhale. +
one rock after another of their curled bodies finds j!min’s clutch on ta3hyung’s collar loosening until his hand falls on ta3hyung’s heaving chest, only then noticing just how hard the other’s heart is also beating from the worry. +
when j!min can finally speak again, he explains, “we’re trending again.”
ta3hyung’s body freezes, his posture screaming of the protectiveness slowly taking over him. “please tell me you didn’t read hate tweets again, baby.” +
ta3hyung’s body freezes, his posture screaming of the protectiveness slowly taking over him. “please tell me you didn’t read hate tweets again, baby.” +
j!min shakes his head against ta3hyung’s neck, nosing along ta3hyung’s smooth skin. “it’s not that. it’s...” j!min’s feet unfurl from their folded perch over ta3hyung’s lap and reaches over towards his discarded phone, big toe tugging the phone over to their reach. “look?” +
the younger one doesn’t even let go of j!min. instead, he leans over, folding j!min even more into his arms and reaches for the phone. it’s easy enough to open as ta3hyung knows the passcode—boyfriend privileges and all. +
and when the screen comes alive again, it’s still on the thread j!min left open.
there’s no explanation needed. ta3hyung gets his needed answers from the tiny sniff j!min gives as he thumbs at the curve of ta3hyung’s jaw on the picture on the post. +
there’s no explanation needed. ta3hyung gets his needed answers from the tiny sniff j!min gives as he thumbs at the curve of ta3hyung’s jaw on the picture on the post. +
“i made myself sad.”
“oh, baby.” ta3hyung tucks j!min under his chin. “wanna tell me what exactly about it made you sad?” +
“oh, baby.” ta3hyung tucks j!min under his chin. “wanna tell me what exactly about it made you sad?” +
j!min’s words come out as whimpers when he speaks next. but with ta3hyung holding him, the tears are held at bay, and j!min feels comforted and supported enough to be brave and speak of the weight that pressed on his bones. “i was envious of them?” +
ta3hyung hums. “okay. about which part exactly, baby?”
“i want to be like them.”
“like... them, them? as in... the j!min and ta3hyung on those pictures?” the confusion is evident in ta3hyung’s voice. +
“i want to be like them.”
“like... them, them? as in... the j!min and ta3hyung on those pictures?” the confusion is evident in ta3hyung’s voice. +
j!min chases away the confusion with a kiss to the hollow between ta3hyung’s collarbones. “no, i’m envious or army. of... the fans who talk about us. the fans who get to post our photos and talk about how in love we are.” +
and the realization finally lands. ta3hyung’s shoulders fall then, hunching over, no longer tense with his concern of the unknown now that he knows what ails his boyfriend. +
it’s beautiful, the understanding the two of them have for each other. because in that moment, comprehending what happened, ta3hyung doesn’t give j!min false promises. +
he doesn’t tell j!min that things will be okay, he doesn’t give false certainties that there will come a day when they’re as free as those strangers in speaking their love aloud. +
instead, ta3hyung holds him closer, pulls him even tighter in the warmth of his embrace, and says, very clearly, “me too.”
and that’s what really matters at the end of the day. at the end of it all, it’s what j!min needs. +
and that’s what really matters at the end of the day. at the end of it all, it’s what j!min needs. +
not false assurances because j!min knows even ta3hyung can’t give him that, and his heart can’t handle the threat of future pain just to be provided with false comfort in the present. j!min appreciates honesty. +
and the guarantee that while they can’t be sure of a better tomorrow, at least they’ll be together through the hard present.
“i want to be able to do that too,” ta3hyung says, his voice trembling of honesty. +
“i want to be able to do that too,” ta3hyung says, his voice trembling of honesty. +
“i’m always tempted to log into that fan account of yours, post one of our intimate pictures. maybe me hugging you while you sleep, me giving you one of those good night kisses, anything. i just... i want to be as free as they are too.” +
j!min offers, “it’s so hard, taetae. every time... i go on there, i just... i want to tell them that they’re right. that you’re mine and i’m yours. but i also want to tell them that they’re wrong. because none of their words could ever be enough for what i feel for you.” +
and ta3hyung doesn’t tell j!min that he should stop looking at those posts, no. because he knows. they both know that while there’s envy, there’s one more thing those posts give them. +
“there is some truth to what they’re saying, though, right? you are my soulmate. you are my everything. i also do feel happiest when you’re happy.” +
the younger one moves j!min enough to cradle him better in one arm while his other hand takes j!min’s smaller one and holds on tight. +
“some days, i feel like i’m living vicariously through them. i just... post a picture i took of you right from my camera roll, post it on weverse, and they do the rest for me.” ta3hyung’s warm breath tickles j!min’s forehead. +
“sure, i have more words to add to what they say. but they get the gist of it. and what we can’t say, they say for us, jagi.” a tight-lipped smile pressed as a kiss against j!min’s temple. “we don’t have a voice right now, but... they’re nice enough to lend us some. +
and that counts for something, right?”
j!min nods. “it does.” his words are as soft as the graze of his fingertips along the back of ta3hyung’s hand. +
j!min nods. “it does.” his words are as soft as the graze of his fingertips along the back of ta3hyung’s hand. +
“it’s okay to be envious sometimes, though. don’t forget that. i get envious too. it’s okay that we feel both things. because it is unfair, the situation we’re in. and however we feel about it? i think that’s valid. and however we react to it? i think that’s valid too.” +
the older one looks up then, eyes round and still red-rimmed. “you don’t think i’m overreacting?”
“angel, i react worse than this sometimes, you know that. you’ve seen it firsthand too. you know what gets me through?” +
“angel, i react worse than this sometimes, you know that. you’ve seen it firsthand too. you know what gets me through?” +
ta3hyung turns a little on his side, jostling j!min a little and causing the elder one to hold on tighter. ta3hyung frees one back pocket and retrieves his phone. he inputs the same passcode as j!min’s and the screen lights up. +
j!min stares, but not at the phone as ta3hyung scrolls through his apps. instead, j!min looks at the slope of ta3hyung’s nose, the part of his lips, and presses a whisper of a kiss along ta3hyung’s jawline when the urge proves too much to shake off. +
by the time j!min pulls away again, his eyes hooded by the tenderness he feels for the man he loves, ta3hyung has already opened his camera roll, and rows upon rows of photos of j!min looks back at him. +
“every single moment i have with you that i want to remember, i take a picture of,” ta3hyung explains, scrolling all the way down to the bottom of his gallery to prove to j!min that he does have hundreds & hundreds of photos of j!min & the two of them together through the years +
“i don’t know if we’ll ever get to come out, mimi. i surely hope so. because what i feel for you? i want to be able to talk about it one day. the sad part is... i can’t guarantee it.” he hands j!min the phone. +
the older one scrolls through it, a new wave of intense love for ta3hyung washing over him, making him wrap his free arm tighter around ta3hyung’s neck. +
“but i’m prepared for it. and one day, when we finally can, i swear to you, i will have the best freaking thread of us out there.” ta3hyung takes j!min’s phone again and taps the screen. +
“this? this and a whole lot of the others, they’re not going to be even a quarter as good as the thread i’ll put together for you, j!minie.” +
j!min’s lower lip catch beneath his upper teeth. his eyelashes flutter as he looks up at ta3hyung, their eyes finding each other’s looking through to find the other half of their souls looking back. “is that a promise, baby bear?”
“it’s a promise, angel.” +
“it’s a promise, angel.” +
and what is a promise when it’s not sealed with a kiss? so j!min finally erases that small distance separating them, his lips finding ta3hyung’s. +
as both his hands crawl up ta3hyung’s chest and lock behind the other’s neck, he turns and swings one leg over ta3hyung’s thighs, leaving him straddling his boyfriend properly. +
he kisses ta3hyung deeper, kisses ta3hyung with everything he’s got. he marks ta3hyung’s skin with the different colors of the different kinds of love he has for him—the love of a boyfriend, of a soulmate, a best friend...the love of a future waiting to happen. +
and ta3hyung takes all of it with open arms—every drop, every slice, every piece and every part, and reciprocates and gives j!min back just as much. +
the rest of the world may not be ready for their truth yet, and they may never be. but here, in the comfort of each other’s embrace, as they kiss and tell their love for each other one press of their lips after another, there’s a vow that’s given. +
they may not ever get out of this secrecy. but at least they’re in it together, both hoping, both wanting, but also both finding their own, little slices of happiness within it.
--FIN
--FIN
( time skip--bonus )
