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I love that there's a lot of awareness right now of how weird Mother's Day can be for so many, especially for those who want to be mothers but can't, and those who don't want to be mothers.
But there's another category that I think a LOT of people fit into. 1/
I love that there's a lot of awareness right now of how weird Mother's Day can be for so many, especially for those who want to be mothers but can't, and those who don't want to be mothers.
But there's another category that I think a LOT of people fit into. 1/
It is very hard to be a woman who feels ambivalent about becoming a mother. There's not an easy place for us, because I can't just say "nope, that's not for me" but I also do NOT have a screaming biological clock or deep desire to have children. 2/
My "biological clock" is more like a nervous email asking for a favor. "Hi, I am so sorry to bother you; but you're getting older and maybe you should procreate now? But also it could ruin your life and it's not really your thing, so never mind, pretend I never said anything." 3/
I haven't had the increasing sense of urgency about having kids that so many people seem to have. It's like at some point in my late 20s I thought "Yeah, I could maybe have a kid" and then that's exactly the level that urge stayed at. It hasn't ever escalated. 4/
Well, that's kind of a life, because it *has* escalated, somewhat, but ONLY because I'm getting to that "it's now or never age" where the question seems very dire because the window of opportunity doesn't last forever. And it does have very serious implications, whichever way. 5/
The thing is: probably the most complicated part of this is the expectations that others have for me. I, personally, have a very "take it or leave it" attitude about having a child. I could have a kid and it could be great or I could not have a kid and that would be great, too.6/
All that to say that having a child/becoming a mother is not the make-or-break issue of my life. I feel more strongly about the idea of getting published, tbh.
But for people around me/society in general, it IS the make-or-break of my life, or it *should* be. 7/
But for people around me/society in general, it IS the make-or-break of my life, or it *should* be. 7/
And it is HARD to buck those expectations. Or potentially buck them. I fucking resent that.
And then there's the temptation that it would be so much EASIER to just give in and not overthink it and be like FINE YES I'LL BE A MOM IS THAT WHAT YOU ALL WANT 8/
And then there's the temptation that it would be so much EASIER to just give in and not overthink it and be like FINE YES I'LL BE A MOM IS THAT WHAT YOU ALL WANT 8/
(And this thread isn't even taking into account how fucking actually hard it is to get pregnant for so many and how even if you make the decision to become a mom that it might not happen for you which is so horribly unfair) 9/
Anyway. To all of you who, like me, have a whole mess of complicated and contradictory feelings about motherhood and are trying to navigate them amidst every-damn-body thinking that you're selfish or incomplete if you don't procreate: I SEE YOU. You are valid. This is hard. (End)
