“Yo bro, how long you been training?”

8 years.

“Yeah I can tell..wait, how old are you?”

20.

“The F*CK?!”

The story behind this baby face and grown man body.

[thread]

I write this in hopes of inspiring those who were set up to fail in life.

To champion your pain, and empower yourself.

Follow along & you will know me better than 99% of the people in my life.

Tldr; unorthodox upbringing, check out vid in end for high vibrations

When I was born, my father was in prison for bookmaking.

He had a “nice white guy” cellmate named Paul, and mom being a Catholic, wanted to name me after St. Paul

Parents immigrated to America with no knowledge of English..the only way to survive was through entrepreneurship

Mom owned beauty salons (BOOMIN), and dad owned a produce company (honest living)

Little did I know, this new money and new life my family was manifesting, would destroy everything

At 5 years old, I couldn’t comprehend the concept of money

But...

What I did know was what a happy family looks like

Fast fwd some years:

Breakdowns from gambling losses, verbal & physical abuse, cops regularly visiting home, and adultery were all regularly taking place around me, as a developing kid

I vividly recall this one specific, dark night when I was 7

I was awakened by screaming and shouting, and saw that my mom led my dad into my bedroom

My mother gave me an ultimatum

“Me or your father?”

I said, “Both of you?”

“No. Choose one.”

I knew their relationship was over for real this time and that my dad was long gone, given how intense it was

And knew that if I had betrayed my mother with the “wrong” answer, I would get dropped off in the streets & left in the pouring rain, like she did before with my sister

In response, I trembled “you?”, knowing I just got trapped in this toxic environment, for who knows how long

Even as a kid, I could feel how unfair this whole circumstance was

Like, just let me be a kid

Eventually, Dad was nowhere to be found

Older sister saw all of this go down and decided to take on the mother role

A strong trauma bond -- she became my sole connection in life

I was fucking wrecked

And without my sister stepping up to the plate, I wouldn’t be the man I am today

We did everything together

One day, she took me to a 24 hr fitness with a guest pass
I was around 11 years old

I remember a front desk employee asked her, “Are you his mother?”

She looked at me and said, “Yes I am”

And in that moment, I remember, for the first time, consciously feeling genuine love

My sister’s courage and unconditional love is what ultimately brought me a sense of belonging in this world

Later on, sis goes into her adult life

Leaving me “with” mom who was usually absent

Mom finds a well-off man

We end up moving to his place in suburbs

Introduced to new school, new friends

But, the home life remained the same toxic ways

I would think, “God, why are you doing this to me?”

“Why can’t I have a family like theirs?" I remember questioning, as I saw my friends joyfully and lovingly playing with their parents

“Please. I promise not to be greedy. I just want mom and dad happy together.”

I had experienced such profound heartache for such a short life, that I was already so exhausted by the painful losses I’d experienced in my family

But you know what?

It built me into an usually observant kid, with tremendous self-awareness, through having to understand my pain, so as to understand my parents

To avoid home, I would stay at friends’ houses for days on end during school

I’m talking like, 12 days straight

Their parents knew something was up with my home life due to the fact they haven’t even met my mom or dad once

I would even ask to pay for their meals at 12 y/o with the bit of money saved from birthdays, as a way to express my gratitude for them taking me in

And every single time I talked to my friends’ parents over dinner, we would go on about life for hours as if it was an adult-to-adult discourse

They said I was going to make it some day with the resilience I demonstrated, and with the wisdom I’ve cultivated

Love is powerful

To learn objective truth about my strengths, from people feeling love and wanting me to really see where I shine

So valuable for me

Going into my teenage years, I knew I was destined to be different than most people

Jealous of others’ lives, being abandoned and misunderstood..

I simply reached a point where nothing externally fucking mattered anymore

Reflecting on life, I realized that this internalized pain derived from *other people* who hadn’t done the inner work that I had did

I accepted that it was time to become an individual, a strong man who lives on his own terms

This is where my sob story comes to an end, forever

I was going to eliminate the victim mindset

I didn’t want sympathy, I wanted my well-being back

I was out to become the coldest mfker in the world, similar to the origin of a villain’s story

“Fuck you God, fuck those kids, fuck my parents, fuck everything. I’m going to get what’s mine.”

Ran away from home

This attitude got me far, but not for long

Dad resurfaced but never told me he got remarried, or had another kid on the way

Devastated, but I was already so broken that it didn’t break me any further

In 2013, he was in poverty living in the slums (N Portland before gentrification)

This meant I would attend an inner city school with mostly gang members as my peers, and shit education

No chance

At 14 y/o, I was paying a random family $500/month for rent, to let me live with them in the suburbs

How did I afford that?

I have a bro (4 yrs older) who sold weed in high school

This became me, but in middle school

Not your typical Asian sibling dynamic duo

Upsold to rich kids, hustled and saved

I was always ‘in’ the mainstream system, but never really felt like I was a part of it, you know?

I was a part of many kids’ first time experience with weed; sorry society, but it was bound to happen..

My fun in the ‘burbs was cut short when I got into an altercation with the family’s older son

Kicked out, and sent to live with my dad

I remember my step-mom would cook a ton of soup at once, & we would eat it for every meal, 5 days straight

Scraping by

Good thing about the inner city school is that they would give free lunch (disgusting), school supplies, & even allow you to participate in sports for free

I stacked cash by selling my homemade edibles, and minimizing expenses by shoplifting (mostly protein bars) & exploiting the school’s chocolate milk.

You see - I was a hurt soul fueling off of angst, manifested in my immoral ways

I wore glasses, spending most of my anti-social upbringing gaming, admitting defeat in having a “normal” life.

After they got smashed in enough times during P.E. dodgeball, I said fuck that

Did cross country & track, then got contact lenses to enroll in football & wrestling

Taking initiative to address my own turmoil was the best thing I ever did for myself

I truly believed I could do anything with the mental suffering I endured

If I want to be a:
Runner shredded to the bone? Easy.
Monstrously yolked linebacker? Sure.
Bench 3 plates? POSSIBLE.

I was unstoppable in my executing, neurotic mindset

Gaining respect from everyone in my vicinity - teachers, coaches, gang members...

Would research tirelessly and ambitiously on all things related to health.

I trained at 5am w/ football coach before school started

I persuaded campus security to sneak me into the weight room during lunch

I got it in during my actual weight training class

I showed up to every practice after school

Every. Day.

Physical pain was nothing compared to what had developed my mental calluses

After my time spent here in the inner city school, I developed insane discipline equipped with the ability to adapt to any environment

I moved again, to a school in the suburbs to finish off my last school year

More arduous despite the accolades it provided

Kids here were pretentious, moved in cliques, and sheltered - oblivious to the real world I was exposed to

I remained focused on myself with 0 social life simply b/c they didn’t align with my values

Lunch spent reading in my car

Meal prepped while they partied

Worked 3 jobs

Coming out of high school - I got a full ride scholarship to university, bought my car, and sculpted a physique I am proud of

I joined a frat, met new people, and started to see the world through different perspectives

All the while, continuing to stay true to who I am

Previously: I was fragile, fearful, avoidant, and anxious

Now: I am thriving, healthy, pursuing what I truly love, and making unimaginably fulfilling connections

I found my lost soul, healed it, and now embrace it with wholehearted love

As I write this, I think of a former party mate who reached out for workout advice

I brushed him off

Later found out he committed suicide

I truly believe that if he had begun his new physical endeavors, it would’ve overpowered whatever was going on in his head

Remorse from this incident gave me a clear vision on my ability to heal others

Now, I use my platform to support those in dire need, not only for aesthetics but to actually change lives

The key is to not only overcome obstacles, but use them to your unique advantage

Knowing what I know now, I do not wish for an easier path

We are blessed to be abnormal

The pain is what made me everything that I am