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I feel like that was really my only form of getting self esteem. I remember in middle school, I would always just try to sit with the cool highschool girls in the library or on the bus. It started cuz people would always get on my case if they saw me sitting alone, but I (1/3) https://twitter.com/beboplover/status/1391255675527958530">https://twitter.com/beboplove...
started to actually thought they were in love with me or something, when really, they were just being nice and trying to protect me. There was one person who I think was a sophomore back when I was in seventh grade. I liked talking to her sometimes, but she always- (2/)
scarred me a little. There was one time when we were standing at the bus stop together, and I started hiding because I was feeling anxious and she found me and was like “Hey! I’m gonna show you something called socializing.” but I never thought much about it (3/)
But there was this one time the both of us were on this band trip. I was rooming with some guys I knew from middle school. But our first day there, she started coming into our room. She was trying to barricade the door and say she wouldn’t let us out until we each have her a kiss
We did, and it worked, but she kept coming back because my roommates were still letting her in. I was taking a shower while she was there, and I heard someone scream from the other room. I came out later, and she was gone, but one of the guys in my grade said she stripped- (5/)
in front of them and started fondling one guy, but she left before I could come out. I told them I was gonna find somewhere else to sleep if she kept coming back, since I was afraid of getting in trouble by the teachers. But she came back the next night and started making out-
with me without my consent. She was trying to get me into the bathroom with her and some of the other guys in my room. The guy from my room who let her in in the first place started cursing her out, and she ran out of the room. She took the elevator to the top floor (7/)
and said she was going to kill her self if we didn’t apologize. One of us did, not me. The next week at school though, I heard their were rumors about us. That all of us had some kind of orgy together in that hotel room. I didn’t even really understand it all then, but I (8/)
told my guidance counselor because I was just scared about everything. The next day, they called down everyone who was in that hotel room one by one to see what really happened. She got suspended. That was it
It’s still surreal for me to think about, but seeing her running away crying was the last time I ever saw her. Because little did I know, she was killed only a few months later
You probably think that I’m glad she died, but I’m really not. I don’t know if the age happened was big enough for them to really do anything legally, but I still think it was weird she was trying to befriend me when I was only 12
I’m sure I probably told this story to people here before, but that’s really the best I can remember it now. People were telling me I was lucky for whatever it was that happened between us, but I just feel really violated. I think that may be why I keep thinking I had to
Get it right by trying to get it right with a bunch of adults when I was still that young. And also, I feel guilty for bringing it up now because you’re not supposed to speak ill of the dead. And I realized early on that people don’t care about that kind of stuff-
when it happens to guys.
