Jupiter Ascending.

Is this the one that's so bad it's good?

Eddie Redmayne is doing Batman voice. Wut.

The real hero is Eddie Redmayne's sparkle stole.

Our hero is a werewolf in epic light up sneakers.

I had this dream once.

Ahaha Mila should throw a ball.

You may want to mute this thread. I may continue sharing ridiculous observations.

Kill/fuck/marry winged dinosaur dude.

OH SHIT SEAN BEAN.

WHO CUTS HIS HEAD OFF THIS TIME?

... oh come the fuck on.

Ahahaha.

"Bees are genetically designed to recognize royalty."

This is amazing.

"Channing, we just want you to walk around the house without your shirt awhile. Can you make your muscle boobs twitch a little? Wait, sec, more guyliner."

Becky has started laughing.

Mostly because...

I mean. I can't blame them. What is hair? What is facehugger?

Becky: NOT THE CORN.

Seriously mute this if you don't care about Jupiter Ascending.

I have a new werewolf pigeon boyfriend.

Mad Max with bee stings has entered the film.

Ah. Crop Circles.

I understand everything.

PRINCESS DRESS TIME.

Which next to those candles seems like a bad idea.

You can explain genetics to that degree but not light your alien asses on fire.

PLOT TWIST.

SOYLENT GREEN IS PEOPLE.

I've turned my brain off.

Otherwise I'd feel sorry for that floppy dinosaur thing they shot down the spacey poop chute.

Is this alpha werewolf responding to this QUEENLY human?

TRUE MATE WEREWOLF ROMANCE.

This movie has everything. If I was 15 I'd be screaming I FEEL SEEN.

This scene is just the RMV in space. Except you have a creepy Bob helping you.

No one likes Bob.

Okay, break over, back at it.

Still mad Pony hasn't played yet. I want dancing

Oh, Boromir.

This is how you don't make it out of the first movie.

Ever.

... is this dude romancing his mom's clone thing?

I mean, look, she's in a pleather evening gown. She's smoking hot. But I'm pretty sure you go to the bad Hell for that.

You just dropped a bottle of Oil of Oregon's population on the FLOOR.

... oh.

Sorry Tatum. Space poop chute time.

Meanwhile, elsewhere, marrying his mother...

Jurassic Park has entered the film!

Velociraptors vs The Russians

YOUR COUSIN IS NOT A CHICKEN.

Oh MY GOSH BATTLE MECHS AND THAT WEDDING DRESS.

This is like someone put http://fanfiction.net  in a blender and made a film with whatever came out.

SOMEONE'S TRYING TO MARRY YOUR FUTURE PUPPY MAMA, CHANNING.

TIME TO PONY UP.

Eh? Eh?

How much did Mila's headpiece weigh?

Holy crap.

Eddie Redmayne just went full ham.

Like, there was the line on reasonable acting and he just catapulted over it into Al Pacino territory.

It is not lost on me that both Stark Parents are in this film.

If Mila was in her Meg Griffin guise they'd have just left her there.

Werewolf vs dinosaur fight would have sold me on the first go.

Crossover potential:

Eddie Redmayne's Jupiter wardrobe vs Goldblum's Ragnarok wardrobe.

Watching Mila beat the crap out of Eddie with a pipe makes me think of those summer days, by the sea. You wore your yellow dress while I sipped on iced tea. The gulls sang their ocean songs.

If Channing and Mila kissed right now, there'd just be the annoying clicking of space helmits and tongues smearing on glass.

Helmets*.

... wtf wings.

It just keeps being batshit. Like, to the end.

If you go into this with your brain on, you're fucked.

Go into it with an appreciation for set and costuming aesthetics, tropes, and Channing Tatum's chest nuggets, you'll do fine.

Ridiculous fun.