I visited a different (major, civic) church today and had an experience with the stewarding that, were I attending church for the first time, would have left me never ever wanting to go back.

I dread to think how often this happens.

I was on my own and (what with social distancing) they'd run out of sole seats in the nave. The (lovely) steward led me up to the front, pointed to his colleague in the quire (entirely empty), and said that this gentleman would find me a seat up in the stalls.

Said colleague, as soon as steward #1 had ran off back the aisle, disappears stage left, not to be seen anywhere.

Muggins here is standing directly next to the Nave Altar with a big velvet rope in front of me, and 50+ families behind me, all looking at me.

Do I hurdle the rope and sit in a random seat in the stalls (is there a choir? will I be sitting in somebody's seat?) Do I run back down the aisle to get steward #1? Do I pray the ground swallows me up?

None of this a desperate problem for me - But had it been my first time?