[A Thread]

Wanted to talk on Identification as a defense and coping mechanism? This will be a rather long thread, before you qrt me please read the entirety of it
I tried my best to not have biased views

I wanna start off by saying this thread isn't directed at anyone & a more generalized fandom view cz I've seen this happen in all fandoms I've been in
Was actually talking about it first w a moot but then decided to talk about it on TL bcoz I think a lot of us are in similar +

situations w/o being fully aware of it (myself included). 

Also once again let me reiterate it's really not for hateful purposes so please don't use it as means to attack anyone. I really tried not to be biased but I might miss out on stuff and yeah +

Trauma is a complicated thing and often has unpleasant ways of being expressed. What angers you might be the only way someone else finds relief & while it's not always healthy & can even be detrimental than healing, attacking or calling them out on it won't help them & instead+

have the opposite of the desired effect. Let close friends who care do the patient talking needed.

ANYWAY though main point of the thread: speaking of defense mechanisms, this was a concept that was first explained by Freud & yeah there are several varied kinds+

Not really gonna go too deep on that but the basic explanation is defense mechanisms is a way of dealing with anxiety that arises from negative thoughts or situations. It's more often than not *unconsciously* done. +

Then there's coping mechanisms which are *conscious* efforts to deal with your trauma and anxiety. But the two sometimes overlap bcoz it's your defense mechanism acting up and making you cope in the way you do.
While we more or less know about coping mechanisms not much is +

talked about defense mechanism? It's something everyone does actually and like it's not generally a bad thing but sometimes being unaware and indulging too much on one mechanism can be actually maladaptive and end up having the opposite of the desired effect +

i.e you want to get your anxiety under control but you end up hurting yourself and sometimes others in the process more
I was telling my close friend this cz I have a tendency to heavily identify with an external figure or fictional chara apart from myself bcoz it is often very+

Difficult to love myself so I find cheats i.e identify w a chara that feels familiar to you and love that chara endlessly coz it's easier
Identification is normally considered a healthy mechanism, bcoz when you're doing it right, identifying w an external chara/person helps you+

understand yourself and come into terms with a lot of things that otherwise feel difficult to accept or hell even understand your flaws and grow.

…..might sound so weird to people who don't use identification as a coping/defense but it is what it is I guess. +

HOWEVER, yes identification CAN also have it's detrimental effects. Bcoz there are times when you identify so deeply with a character or fiction that negativity against your fave chara or media feels personal as well as hurts you very deeply.+

As a result, the anxiety & trauma you wanted to cope with becomes more painful & you hurt yourself instead n sometimes hurt others too
As mentioned, all defense mechanisms have a potential of ending up as maladaptive but most don't actually realise it coz it happens unconsciously

Bcoz I find it easier to talk through my own experiences & explain stuff that way, let me speak of what I went through/still go through. I identify heavily with both jc and wwx, or well with their traumas.
And I find it very difficult to forgive myself for my traumas so I drown +

deeply in "fix-its" or reconciliation fics where both their traumas are addressed & given a chance to heal since in a strange way it feels like a compensation? Or giving myself a chance, weird as it sounds (I know I need therapy. I wish it was that easy). +

Well but then my identification got deep enough to the extent that the smallest even non-negative takes that are different to mine began affecting me a tad too much bcoz I began feeling like it's personally telling me "so you don't deserve a chance" even tho the takes I saw were+

Nowhere near as dramatic as my brain is smh. So imagine if even the normal takes affected me what would the actual anti takes feel like? Yeah…
It's actually when I realized after a moot got "called out" by chengxian antis via screenshots and shit and I had one of the worst+

Spirals that "okay, chengxian is actually hurting me wtf" so I decided to take half a month off and do a whole lot of introspection. I purposely distanced myself from MDZS and chengxian and binge-read Mo Du and while I can't say I've fully stopped +

Depending way too much on chengxian, taking a bit of time off actually made it easier for me to come back to them & with a clearer mind so I will try my best to not project so heavily on them again.
Point is, identification is good but in regulated amounts as everything else is+

Ways of coping is complicated stuff to explain coz oftentimes the circumstances around you are fucked up to the extent you feel like you have no escape so you drown in the smallest thing that brings you comfort even if a part of you knows+

At least subconsciously that the way you're doing it is not exactly healthy. It's a difficult thing to get out of, but I can fully admit that it IS not the best way.
This was mentioned over and over again in Mo Du (which also helped me a whole lot get my bearings right ngl) +

But the thing to remember is, don't let your traumas control you. Don't let your coping control you either. It's very difficult to break away from a certain coping mechanism *I know* coz I struggle too. I don't think it's necessary to completely change your ways of coping +

I find no shame in finding comfort or relating to chengxian alone and drowning in complete reconciliation for both of them even if others wouldn't agree (which is ALSO valid. If I sound salty, like I said my brain is dramatic and I'm working on it I promise). +

But yeah….and don't be ashamed or hesitate from reaching out to people. To the friends, if you see a close one being especially not like themselves don't hesitate to ask them if they're okay. To the ones struggling, allow yourself other safety nets to fall back on instead+

of suffering coz your coping/defense mechanism is ironically what's hurting you. Maladaptive coping of ANY kind isn't different from self harm actually. And you might also unintentionally hurt others & that would effect you too. +

So….yeah, I think it's important we know. I know it's tougher than it sounds skshsjs, but if you can't ask for help then give yourself other options to fall back on. Times are shit, many of us don't have the favourable circumstances to get the help needed so all we can do is +

Look out for e/o. 
This ended up as a really stupidly long thread but anyway yeah. I just hope we all can be a little bit more understanding. And IF someone's way of coping in turn is also hurting you then please use the block/mute button liberally +

I legit have 16k+ accounts blocked and even more muted, much of which were people who merely ticked me off the tiniest bit. It helps tons I promise. I'm also aware it's too taxing to be caring for everyone all the time so yeah dksjs. There's no harm in choosing yourself first +

Love yourself please! I'm sure your comfort characters would want you to as well, instead of hurting yourself so much over them. They're meant to give you comfort, not more traumas.

Anyway end thread. Sorry for the spam in your TL