I hate mothers day. I'm reminded that while I love my kids, I don't love being a mom or the social expectations that come with it. I hate the reminder every year of just how thankless that work is, and even more how rare it is that anyone in my life acknowledges me on this day.

I know im supposed to just adore motherhood. Its supposed to be "hard but worth every minute" and I feel deeply guilty that it isn't like that for me. My kids are great. But this doesnt feel like a calling or higher purpose for me. It doesn't complete me.

I hate the annual reminder that I'm probably doing it wrong. I hate the reminder that I am working my ass off and sacrificing so much for something I don't feel "called" to do.

I hate the reminder that this really is thankless. Even on this special day for *me* there really won't be any. My kids are with their dad. He certainly isn't going to acknowledge the day. He didn't even do it when we were married. Once in 8 years, and only after I sobbed.

It feels greedy and stupid to be upset about it. But I think that's also part of the socialization of being a mom. We are supposed to give endlessly and selflessly and our job is supposed to be thankless. We do it because we love it.
And honestly? Fuck that.

Even if I adored every moment of motherhood, I still deserve a goddamn medal for the work.