Oh hey have a cute picture of me right before starting HRT in June 2012, and also a cute picture of me right around the time I decided to go for zero-depth vaginoplasty in June of 2020. Long thread ensues! :)

What I actually want to talk about is the evolution of my thinking on gender-affirming surgery - solely for myself.

In the 2012 photo, I knew I was trans. I had already come out to a handful of people close to me in 2008, but then panicked, said "nevermind!" and skittered back into the closet. By the summer of 2012, my rationalizations collapsed and I finally started HRT.

Oddly, one of the things that made it easier for me to start was me giving myself permission to transition WITHOUT bottom surgery.

When I think back to the earliest days of of my conscious eggness, the idea of bottom surgery fascinated and frightened me.

I was on very early trans message boards in the 90s, and 1. It seemed like a universal assumption that every trans woman wanted bottom surgery 2. The descriptions, and sometimes even pictures, of procedures and aftercare were often graphic and upsetting for me.

While the idea of having a vagina was intriguing, it didn't seem worth the money or the pain involved. I had to fight off the idea that since I didn't want bottom surgery, I wasn't "really" trans. That definitely was a speed bump on my road to transitioning.

When I started transition, I had an "if it ain't broke don't fix it" mentality in regards to my junk. The known known was that what I had worked fine for sexy times. The known unknown was that I had no guarantee that bottom surgery would improve my sex life.

Then, obviously, there were who knows how many unknown unknowns.

So I stayed the course. But two big things shifted for me: I became aware of the option of zero-depth vaginoplasty, and I got to a point in my thinking where I could decouple my genitals from sex and sexuality.

I NEVER had interest in dialating after surgery. I had no appetite for the lengthy, painful, and expensive process of hair removal that must happen before traditional vaginoplasty.

When I became fully aware of the zero-depth option, things shifted quickly...

I've rambled about my reasoning in this space before - but finally, zero-depth presented me an option for gender-affirming surgery where finally the benefits outweighed the costs.

And yeah - sex. That could be a whole other ramble, and maybe it will be at some later point...

Sex moved from a core issue for me to a peripheral one. Yes, I still wanted to be able to orgasm, yes I still wanted the opportunity to have a fulfilling sex life. But I didn't need to keep my current junk to maintain that - nor do I need traditional vaginoplasty to achieve it.

But that's like, the threshold for me - "Will I still be able to climax and enjoy sex?" Once Dr. McClung explained that I totally would, one necessary but not sufficient condition I needed met before scheduling ZDR... Got met.

My point is, after that condition was satisfied, sex was no longer a key factor in my desire for surgery.

What I want to get across is that many trans folks' thinking about their bodies/ sexuality/need for surgery/even the surgeries they need, can shift or evolve over time.

That's totally normal and doesn't mean you are a "bad trans" or that you aren't "trans enough."

At a systemic/societal level, we need to create structures that are not merely affirming, but that also acknowledge that trans folks are humans who might not have it all figured out.

Part of that is killing this idea that cis bodies are superior to trans bodies, so we have to be EXTRA SUPER PINKY SWEAR sure that you are "really trans" before we let you "ruin" your perfect cis bodies.

Fuck. All. That. (End of thread)