A MOTHERS’ DAY PLEA..

I will apologize in advance for the emotion that drives this thread. I’d promised myself I’d stay off these streets for a few months, however i feel like it it exactly this type of silence that perpetuates certain situations.

THAT & the sayings “it’s none of my business”....

So with this in mind, I will attempt, as inarticulate as I can be, to make this plea to women....

IT IS OKAY TO LEAVE... The suffering during the process of STARTING is far better than DEATH

As a woman who has spent all her life somewhat SINGLE, I can attest to the shame and pressures that women get subjected to daily, with regards to NOT BEING ABLE TO KEEP A MAN, NOT BEING MARRIED, BEING A SINGLE MOM...
Then we beat ourselves down & question our worth.

We start to think that being a REAL WOMAN means there has to be someone next to us who will help VALIDATE our womanhood.
Being SINGLE means you’re lacking and “NO ONE WANTS YOU”

We become a disappointment to our parents who feel they didn’t raise us well enough.
You can tell the RELIED on their faces when you eventually show up with some dude! No one cares how he treats you. The fact that there’s a man means THEY raised you WELL..

So we spend the BEST parts of our lives relationship surfing instead of developing ourselves academically, career wise & perhaps just traveling the world to get a clearer perspective of where we are on the global scale.

THIS phenomenon has been made worse by SOCIAL MEDIA.. where all you see are WELL CURATED pictures of BAECATIONS, LOVE LIVES HERE, MY PERFECT FAMILY Hashtags...
A person beats you the night before & the next day POSTS a pic of y’all in Dubai claiming what a BLESSING you are.

The PICTURE gets a Million hits/LIKES/Retweets while you sit alone nursing your bruises and being TAGGED by friends telling you how LUCKY you are.
So you think “this isn’t so bad, I am lucky after all”..

During the holiday season, we’re bombarded with FAMILY photos under Xmas trees with matching reindeer Sweaters and checked pajamas followed shortly by Valentine’s Day Maternity shoots with dudes kissing our bellies all edited to perfection.

A Lady who posts her new car, new house, pic of herself alone with her child is a vision of PITY... either that or she gets told to TONE IT DOWN because BEING HUMBLE is the only way to be.
Her propensity to BRAG is probably the reason she is SINGLE anyways!

So our married counterparts see these and think “yeah I’d rather just look happy in my marriage than be OUT THERE SINGLE”...

The number of people on THIS TL alone who are going through it will surprise you.

Most present as popular & powerful ....

What usually happens is that the lack of respect & validation in their own homes has them going out & looking for praises and validation elsewhere.
So the next stage is the “check out” of their relationships (while posting nice pictures about it because it’s part of the BRAND)..

They go on to Creating a bigger online community showcasing what they WISH their relationships/Marriages looked like in real life.
This cycle then becomes a prison..
The BUSINESS DEALS you’re getting are now centered around your PERFECT relationship/marriage that’s non existent

Upon realizing the TRAP, DEPRESSION sets in. Excessive eating, Careless Drinking & putting on copious amounts of weight... where we applaud you for being “well taken care of”...
Meanwhile you’re dying inside...

Inside the home, there are subtle messages that remind you that ALL you are is because of this FAMILY unit & that should you DARE TO LEAVE, you’ll face consequences Of being EXPOSED as a fraud and lose all your endorsements!

& so the slow journey to your grave is expedited ...
You are in a home/relationship with an ENEMY.. You’re waking up next to a tiger who threatens to MAUL you any moment you don’t feed it what it wants.
You deplete yourself emotionally!

He runs to your friends/relatives & tells his side of the story while you’re busy trying to keep this perfect façade.. this way, should you end up dead, his bases are covered...
YOU, on the other hand want to protect his image and integrity & you blow it off...

Your PARENTS make it clear that you better make it work because it is what’s best for you, your kids and your brand.. so you’re now STUCK!

Last month I spoke to a friend about ensuring that his Girl Children ALWAYS know that his home is a sanctuary for them.... wherever they may choose to go, daddy will always keep their rooms safe & warm should they choose to return...

I’ve tweeted over & over that MY FRIENDS always know this about my home... they can show up with their bags and their kids to my home and we will make space for them. I’d rather have THAT than to have to speak at their funeral in front of their fake grieving partners!

It is not just 20 something year olds who suffer the wrath of GBV... it is the well established, educated, beautiful and smart women who get trapped in these helpless cycles.. they’re expected to look like they have it ALL figured out (which is mostly unrealistic)..

Today, I urge you mommas on your special day, to take an emotional inventory... are you really happy? Is THIS how you want THE REST of your life to be? Are you living in alignment with your purpose? Are you loved? Are you SAFE? Are you compromising yourself?

You’ve lived through a pandemic, you can live through a minor financial setback, you can downgrade the house, car... your kids will survive a cheaper school while you put yourself back together... you CAN be a SINGLE parent... there’s absolutely no shame in any of it..

I tweet with a heavy heart because THIS YEAR alone, DEATH (that could have been avoided by simply leaving) has robbed me of some of my best friends...

Anyways, enough for today, my son is currently kicking my kidneys while I tweet. So I take it it’s time to end this thread..

Be well and have a TRULY Happy Mothers’ Day