WE DOCTORS ARE INSENSITIVE ABOUT DEATH .I m not talking about it in a bad way.Let me tell you why!!I do a 6 hour shift in the ICU which easily turns into an 8 hour shift. There are usually 45 to 50 patients in the ICU.Two residents are posted in the ICU.

We take handover from the previous shift which takes 45 minutes to an hour to understand the patients’ conditions.Another two hours to do rounds , revisit their treatment chart ,investigations and to get acquainted with the new admissions.

There will be at-least 2 to 3 patients who might deteriorate so expecting two emergency intubations and insertion of some invasive lines.That’s easily two hours. There will be at least 3 to 4 patients whose prognosis look bad and will have to be explained to their attenders.

If they die, we’ll have to declare the time of death and inform their loved ones where we have to be professional and at the same be empathetic about the situation. Then we ll have fill up the death summaries and go through the formalities.

At the same time we have to clear the beds for patients who are doing well and shift them to the wards as well as receive patients who are really sick and start evaluating them.

We do this consecutively everyday for however long our COVID postings are. Yes, we see so many deaths everyday. It makes you numb and you also start prioritising patients whose prognosis look good based on number of factors- age being one of the biggest factors.

Amidst all this chaos, with the PPE, dehydrated, where do we have the time to be sensitive about the deaths and get personal with the deaths. It’s mentally draining to know that we have no clue what works for the patients and we are trying the best we can.

When people talk about us making a big difference, I sometimes wonder whether we really do and that doubt is worse than witnessing deaths!

And the shift ends with us giving the handover to the next batch of residents and it feels like a never ending cycle.