ok you know what if i can get a few hours work in on my thesis today i'm going to reward myself with skimming it again and taking everyone on this magical journey with me

i mean, you deserve better, but. https://twitter.com/SteelHester/status/1391126388430753796

ok. let's do this.
take a shot every time Angry Boy says something Angry, one of the FMCs is Not Like Other Girls, and the superintelligent superstrong technological advanced superhumans are beaten by disasters with sticks.

we begin in a world where humanity has been almost entirely replaced by super advanced clones. our heroine, "phoenix", lives in a post-apocalyptic cult which is one of the last hidden communities of normal humans, and she is Not Like Other Girls - she is a Free Thinker

meanwhile, in the nearby city, our other heroine, "terra", is a super advanced clone who has just opened an "our evil plans in 2 sentences.doc" and learned that the clones are killing people for some reason and also apparently lack rudimentary information security.

also any kind of security at all, because our Love Interest, "Pyke", another human, has just broken out of a prison in the city where he was being held because ?????. now he has shown up at phoenix's community and is sulking in a cave, because he is a Bad Boy with a Past

phoenix: "i don't get why everyone's so excited about the new guy"
also phoenix: "I GUESS i'll take food to his cave"
also phoenix: "i want him to see that i'm special"
also phoenix: "we have spoken for five minutes. we are now running away together."

they are joined by derru, phoenix's brother. having once found an ancient spiderman comic, he is apocalypse world's only living comic book nerd. he's also the only relatable character in the whole book as he spends 90% of it asking for food or nearly getting himself killed.

terra, meanwhile, has been locked up and is about to be killed for snooping, except she's visited by her mentor, who she kills (???) by punching her (???) and escapes wearing her clothes (???)

RUDIMENTARY SECURITY, PEOPLE

phoenix and pyke are now fighting. why did they leave? where are they going? what purpose does the journey have? phoenix is frustrated by the lack of meaning here. she's frustrated. she needs MORE.

fine, except that this is about four hours after they left.

taking a break here but i will continue updates on this important matter very soon

uh-oh. a party of clones has been spotted in the wilderness! what will our brave heroes do?

have a fight and split up, apparently

unsurprisingly to literally everyone, derru gets himself caught immediately. he talks to buy himself time, but gives up the location of the human community in the process. I am SURE this won't come back to bite ANYONE in the ass.

somehow... this... happened?
(continuing to hard relate to derru here, and taking a shot for our first resounding defeat of superintelligent technologically advanced clones by kids with sticks)

and another shot for phoenix and pyke going from shouting at each other to kissing with zero notice or transition. healthy relationship here.

aha! after a day of following them around being too socially awkward to ask for food, who should pop up but terra?
she's stunningly beautiful, has cat's eyes, and perfect aim with a bow. hmmm, is this suspicious?
"are you a clone?"
"um, no?"
"oh ok cool you can come with us"

Clone Scientists Interlude 1/1000
"security has been slipping lately"

they're still being hunted (because ????? we never really establish why the clones are after pyke and terra???)
luckily they have their shit together and are handling this well

oh-oh! they've found some more humans! who also do not find it at all suspicious that one them looks like a clone and is apparently able to survive jumping off buildings.
wise old human lady tells phoenix about... wait for it... a prophesied leader who will defeat the clones!

naturally, they've led the clones right to this innocent human family. big fight! which they somehow... win.

ooops and now they've prank called their clone commander and reported that all the fugitives are dead to throw them off the scent.
"I know i sound like a different person! i'm just, uh, wounded."
and the clones.... bought this. because of course.

high off victory, they decide to go back to the human camp, recruit people, and attack the clone city.

tune in later for more great decisions.

our Angsty Couple, The World's Last Comic Book Nerd, and the Really Ineffectually Secret Clone have just arrived at the old human camp only to discover that it's been attacked by clones, with only a few dozen survivors.

Derru:

phoenix, pyke and derru: travelled the wilderness for months with terra, somehow did not realise she was a clone
elderly cult leader after 30 seconds: hang on, is this girl a clone???

derru's rumbled for betraying the camp location, phoenix is understandably pissed. and so we have the best lines i have ever written:

"most of the human race is dead, and it's all your fault!"
"but i didn't mean to!"

obviously, THIS is the moment for terra and derru to declare their feelings for each other????
sadly, she's also been rumbled, and driven out of the camp, thinking derru betrayed her.
(because there's literally no other way anyone could have seen through her stunning disguise)

cut to hundreds of pages of derru moping while everyone else fights over who will be the leader of the last survivors of humanity. our candidates:
- elderly cult leader
- grumpy seventeen year old Chosen One

meanwhile, heartbroken terra has sworn off friendship with humans and been captured, returned to the city, and recruited by Villain McCliches

"we're going to brainwash you"
"there was something about his tone of voice that disturbed her"

one thing 15 year old hester got right was how many hours of circular debate take place in activist meetings, which i guess will still be the case after the apocalypse

but you don't
you don't have to include it ALL

pyke, presumably sick of the activist meetings, has now murdered the old cult leader

because he is a Bad Boy and full of attractive personality traits like killing the elderly

oops, no, we have another meeting
this one to decide the little matter of the future of the human race: Rise Up Against the Clones or, you know, NOT get yourselves killed.
and guess who's been given the deciding vote?
maybe have some patience on this one, phoenix?

so, derru's been thrown out of the camp now, and is immediately captured, because he's derru.
meanwhile the decision's been made, and to nobody's surprise, they're attacking the clone city!!!!!!!

maybe
at some point
first they're going to have some more meetings

more later. need to go and have a meeting. with myself.

so back with everything making perfect sense, derru is being taken to the clone city. where they will kill him. for plot reasons. because they couldn't kill him anywhere else obviously.
luckily, who is guarding his cell but terra? will love win over brainwashing????

oh, are we doing the "i need to take this prisoner to another place, don't question this" rescue? well, we know the superintelligent clones won't fall for something THAT obvious.

meanwhile back at the camp, pyke is angry because they won't let him add "blow up buildings" to the attack the city plan. he's now being creepily nice to everyone. what could he possibly be planning.

terra and derru arrive back at the camp. will they be forgiven for their lies? apparently not. very "we will never trust you again" vibes

until the next scene

where the new plan for attacking the city now revolves entirely off unverified information from terra.
of course.

oh wait, NEW new plan
terra and derru, who are rapidly developing into the keepers of apocalypse world's last brain cell, have come up with the idea of exposing the clones' evil plans to clone society, provoking an uprising.
"they'll never stand by while people are killed!"

this is phoenix's great moment! as the chosen one! all her leader angst has led up to this:
giving someone else the go-ahead to do the actual dangerous stuff.
"ok sure you guys orchestrate a clone uprising, what could go wrong."
top chosen one work phoenix 10/10

pyke has finally got angsty again. phoenix just blasts open the whole argument with the excellent statement: "you knew I needed you to do the opposite of what I said!"

AT LAST, after 88 more meetings, we're finally at the city! the plan is in motion! pyke is... going off on his own!
i guess that's the opposite of what phoenix said? good job?

terra has managed to break into a transmitter station and set up a secret broadcast. nobody was guarding it. my vodka is running dry, friends.

the plan is terra gets herself captured, secretly films and broadcasts it, then the others come in and rescue her before the other clones kill her.
i would say this plan is full of flaws but honestly
at this point
fuck it

and it's working? they caught her, did not kill her immediately, but talked loudly about how they were going to?
one flaw: the humans are now being attacked by clones and can't get to terra to rescue her. phoenix is doing Dramatic Leader Things. Derru is hiding behind a pillar.

PLOT TWIST: terra has now been rescued by her mentor who we thought she murdered in the beginning, who has apparently been orchestrating everything from behind the scenes.
i'd say "finally, someone to blame" but unfortunately pyke just showed up and shot her, so.

pyke: terra, i've got a gun and i'm kidnapping you and forcing you to join my secret renegade plan against your will
also pyke: terra can you hold my gun while i go get the explosives
terra: uh ok
terra: what do you want those for

meanwhile the other humans have just been rescued by....
wait for it...
wait for it...
wait....
.....
.....
....
the clone uprising!

meanwhile terra is talking down pyke from blowing up the clone security headquarters with both of them inside. it's going quite well. he's lying on the floor shouting "phoenix!"

and then we have the one bit where 15 year old hester actually blindsides me
terra sees footage of the clone/human uprising battle, sees derru in danger, and decides to rescue him by causing a distraction. oh look! explosives!

so yes i just killed two MCs
to cause a distraction

but apparently this... saves the world???
because
i'm sorry
because
without the commanders in the control tower, the clone army... don't know how to fight...
and give up and go home...

and i am glad to say that is it.
it's been a wild ride guys and i am so sorry i ever thought to take you on it.