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Knowing what to expect.
A personal autistic perspective on managing uncertainty.
#autism
#AllAutistics
#ActuallyAutistic
1/
Knowing what to expect.
A personal autistic perspective on managing uncertainty.
#autism
#AllAutistics
#ActuallyAutistic
1/
I’m having my second Covid jab later.
This time I know what to expect.
There will be meeting and greeting by several people before I get to the cubicle.
The cubicle will feel cramped and crowded with 3 of us in it.
The waiting room will be bright, and the seats too close.
2/
This time I know what to expect.
There will be meeting and greeting by several people before I get to the cubicle.
The cubicle will feel cramped and crowded with 3 of us in it.
The waiting room will be bright, and the seats too close.
2/
Last time I was overwhelmed and ended up feeling distressed.
I’m much better prepared today.
I’ve thought about some additional strategies I can use.
Because I know what to expect it should be far easier for me to cope.
But there’s still some uncertainty to deal with.
3/
I’m much better prepared today.
I’ve thought about some additional strategies I can use.
Because I know what to expect it should be far easier for me to cope.
But there’s still some uncertainty to deal with.
3/
At least today I have confirmation of my booking. I took a screen shot when I booked online.
It helps to be able to check the time and location.
My first vaccination was arranged on the phone with the GP receptionist, with no written confirmation.
That ramped up anxiety.
4/
It helps to be able to check the time and location.
My first vaccination was arranged on the phone with the GP receptionist, with no written confirmation.
That ramped up anxiety.
4/
I even know the name of the person who’ll give me my injection.
So I know it’s not the same person as last time who stood far too close.
I also know I don’t have to wait until my exact appointment time to go into the clinic.
There will be a queue.
Knowing that helps too.
5/
So I know it’s not the same person as last time who stood far too close.
I also know I don’t have to wait until my exact appointment time to go into the clinic.
There will be a queue.
Knowing that helps too.
5/
I’m going on my own this time. I’ll be less anxious that way.
I’ve checked the weather forecast as I’m planning to wait outside at the end.
I won’t be trapped in the waiting room this time as I know where the exit is.
I’ve rehearsed what to say when they ask me to stay.
6/
I’ve checked the weather forecast as I’m planning to wait outside at the end.
I won’t be trapped in the waiting room this time as I know where the exit is.
I’ve rehearsed what to say when they ask me to stay.
6/
I’ve yet to decide what to wear.
It’s warm today which means I won’t have to struggle with a coat.
I’ve reminded myself of the route, and checked the car for fuel.
An awful lot of anticipatory planning is going into this.
Thinking about it, this is the story of my life.
7/
It’s warm today which means I won’t have to struggle with a coat.
I’ve reminded myself of the route, and checked the car for fuel.
An awful lot of anticipatory planning is going into this.
Thinking about it, this is the story of my life.
7/
One of the things that confused me when it first emerged that I might be autistic is that I have lived an unpredictable life.
I don’t have well established daily routines, and I’ve changed jobs, relationships, and homes a lot.
But I have worked hard to reduce uncertainty.
8/
I don’t have well established daily routines, and I’ve changed jobs, relationships, and homes a lot.
But I have worked hard to reduce uncertainty.
8/
In order to cope with things that couldn’t be predicted (like my working day as a police officer) I reduced uncertainty in other areas of my life.
If work and domestic uncertainty ever coincided, I could easily become overwhelmed.
I have a limited tolerance for uncertainty.
9/
If work and domestic uncertainty ever coincided, I could easily become overwhelmed.
I have a limited tolerance for uncertainty.
9/
Looking back it makes perfect sense that I cancelled a weekend away, with people I didn’t know, when my house was being renovated and the builders had problems.
At the time I felt embarrassed about pulling out at short notice. I got upset before I allowed myself to cancel.
10/
At the time I felt embarrassed about pulling out at short notice. I got upset before I allowed myself to cancel.
10/
Now I know how carefully I have to conserve energy, I’d make my excuses earlier, and skip getting upset.
In fact I’d never agree to a weekend with strangers in the first place.
I’m more aware of what works, and what doesn’t.
Strange people + strange place = far too much.
11/
In fact I’d never agree to a weekend with strangers in the first place.
I’m more aware of what works, and what doesn’t.
Strange people + strange place = far too much.
11/
The anticipatory part of this is something I have got quite good at, and this really helps me.
Some of what will happen can be predicted and prepared for, reducing my anxiety and uncertainty.
The first ever experience of something can still be very challenging though.
12/
Some of what will happen can be predicted and prepared for, reducing my anxiety and uncertainty.
The first ever experience of something can still be very challenging though.
12/
I had a Teams job interview recently and my therapy sessions are on Zoom.
Both of these went OK but the potential for glitches is huge.
All the planning and preparation in the world can’t compensate for WiFi problems or other disruptions.
It’s just the same face to face.
13/
Both of these went OK but the potential for glitches is huge.
All the planning and preparation in the world can’t compensate for WiFi problems or other disruptions.
It’s just the same face to face.
13/
I’m remembering a job interview when I turned up at the appointed time but the interview panel were expecting a different candidate.
I knew it wasn’t my error, but the person who greeted me assumed that it was.
HR had muddled up the schedule when they sent out the invites.
14/
I knew it wasn’t my error, but the person who greeted me assumed that it was.
HR had muddled up the schedule when they sent out the invites.
14/
In situations where things don’t go according to plan I’m trying to go with the flow more.
Applying the kind of mindset I had as a police officer sometimes helps with this.
Assessing the situation objectively and dealing with it using logical, rational thought processes.
15/
Applying the kind of mindset I had as a police officer sometimes helps with this.
Assessing the situation objectively and dealing with it using logical, rational thought processes.
15/
But pride comes before a fall.
No doubt later on I’ll be reporting that I lost the plot completely when my vaccination didn’t go according to plan!
I hope not.
Getting upset would be a terrible waste of precious energy.
I’m doing everything I can to relax beforehand.
16/
No doubt later on I’ll be reporting that I lost the plot completely when my vaccination didn’t go according to plan!
I hope not.
Getting upset would be a terrible waste of precious energy.
I’m doing everything I can to relax beforehand.
16/
That was great!
In and out in 5 mins.
Now on a park bench outside the clinic waiting for 15 minutes.
I was assertive this time and said “I’m autistic, I need to wait outside”.
There’s a party going on in there. You can tell people have been cooped up on their own for ages!
In and out in 5 mins.
Now on a park bench outside the clinic waiting for 15 minutes.
I was assertive this time and said “I’m autistic, I need to wait outside”.
There’s a party going on in there. You can tell people have been cooped up on their own for ages!
