Although I often get punished for choosing not to have kids (UC Davis grad housing being a prime example - need it for my disability, which they don't care about, but a kid would have prioritized me), it's one of the most mature decisions I've made in my life.

I can be very candid, but I am not candid about everything because some involved are still alive. Suffice it to say I am a survivor of physical and emotional abuse. Once upon a time, I thought I'd have kids like the majority decide to.

At first I was wise enough to realize I wasn't financially stable enough to consider such a thing. I thought far ahead enough to realize how very much $ is needed to give a child the kind of life they deserve. I didn't have that.

But not long after that, I became self-aware enough to realize that abuse had left far deeper marks on me than I'd suspected and no matter how good my intentions or even my self-awareness, I was at risk for being another link in a cycle.

People think because I stand up for childfree ppl that I hate kids. On the contrary, I remember what it was like to be abused. And I never want to do that to someone else. So even if my life had gone differently, even if I was swatting off dates, I'd stand firm in not having kids

SO MANY PEOPLE don't have that self-awareness, ethical sense and self-control. And instead of people realizing that's where it's coming from, I'll get called "selfish" or "child hater" or some shit.

It is *not* easy to parent well. It is especially hard now with the huge gap between rich & poor and the evisceration of public schools. One shouldn't have to be rich to choose to have a family. Bringing another human life into the world

and providing them the love, nurturing, and tutelage to be a good and content human being is not a cinch. So I have a lot of a respect for people who think things through carefully before making the decision. And, honestly,

I think people like me who have thought hard about it, weighed the factors, and looked at ourselves unflinchingly and decided we would not make good parents ought to be congratulated every bit as much as people who are good parents.

This thread is probably going poof in another 20 min. It's just hard for me to be as candid as I'd like to be yet. Even intimating it is risky.