I've been really REALLY struggling with my place in comics, both online and off, the work I make, and how disconnected I feel from almost anyone who reads and enjoys my comics. LRT has been on my mind for the past four years, especially this year.

It has taken everything in me not to give up entirely, not to just walk away. Every Thursday, scheduling my update feels futile, I haven't had it in me to make comics since I finished the bonus 4komas in November.

I ask for reviews? I can't hit the min # to even advertise on Amazon. I need encouragement and motivation? I used to find it on Twitter, that's few and far between for all of us.

I've wondered often for the last 2 years, if this dry spell is what's gonna do me in, finally. The slow sad grinding death of comics.

I promised myself that I'd wait til after medication, to see if that helps with the depression, helps make motivation a bit easier. But when it's all intrinsic motivation, and everything is uphill, it gets harder to keep going every time I stop.

Almost all my comic friends have dropped out. The past 5 years has driven so many talents out of webcomics.

Legit, I look at comics and I see mostly: people 5-10 years older who started in the late 2000's, and relatively new faces who started in the past 4 years. Most of my cohorts, the people my age? Had to walk away.

It's not a universal, but a lot of seats are empty, a lot of people I care about now gone.

That loss is huge. Those friendly familiar faces at cons- to share a hotel, to share a table, to share a meal? Gone. Those friends who check in on you, check in on your comic, care about your characters and ask weird questions at 1am about your OC's? Gone.

The people who recommend you to THEIR friends, who introduce you to the folks THEY know? Gone. That network, built with love and care? A tattered, motheaten, hole filled net, maybe just two knots left.

I miss talking about plot- mine or theirs- late into the night. I miss having beta readers I could rely on, who cared about the story and would point out plotholes and inconsistencies with glee. I miss that support system.

I have a couple comics friends who I love dearly- they're out of comics, but we're still involved with each other's lives, but that's basically it. Everyone else had to jet- leave social media during the Trump years, leave comics during Covid.

The emptiness is what kills you. No friends. No network. No hope.