figuring out that i am autistic was one of those things that like made sense in retrospect but also was kind of funny in a sad way bc i had ppl think i was autistic in my teens & would get offended and be like, no, not me! and then...here i am.

always struggled a lot knowing when to say the right thing or if there was a right thing and would get stuck in these rigid patterns where i could only do things a Certain Way. sensory issues, stimming, weird dialogue, wouldn’t stfu about all consuming special interests, etc etc

me as a child: wow this book on manners and etiquette is fascinating. i will never let this go
also me: *applied that same thought process to my copy of the DSM, which i then used to armchair diagnose people with in ELEMENTARY SCHOOL*

it’s fucked up like. i literally was in special ed classes for the last half of high school & was labeled a problem student bc i was extremely depressed and traumatized (long story) but bc my autism wasn’t like, visible in comparison to Everything Else, it was overlooked! weird

understanding that part of me, & understanding it in direct relation to how i processed trauma, makes a metric fuckton of sense and i just wish i did it sooner. idk. i’m tired