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When I say "she's there for me" here I don't mean, she is available when I need her.
I mean, as a child I sort of felt so entitled to her like she existed for my sake.
I was the main character and she nurtured this main character, good for her! https://twitter.com/kawondaddy/status/1391173589630537729
I mean, as a child I sort of felt so entitled to her like she existed for my sake.
I was the main character and she nurtured this main character, good for her! https://twitter.com/kawondaddy/status/1391173589630537729
And I think when I talk about fear that I'll resent my children a lot of that is this.
Fear that once I've had them I'm now a side character in someone else's story, the story had shifted. I now exist for them.
Fear that once I've had them I'm now a side character in someone else's story, the story had shifted. I now exist for them.
Carefree while I'm burdened. Taking up all my time and mind and yet I may not really be even seen.
The thing I hate "a thousand good deeds in written in sand, one wrong written in stone" will become true.
And not because they're cancelling me. It's just how it is.
The thing I hate "a thousand good deeds in written in sand, one wrong written in stone" will become true.
And not because they're cancelling me. It's just how it is.
And on top of everything I've done they will go on and outlive me and experience things I cannot and see a future in which I will not be.
And many days I'll be nothing more than a bother.
And I will of course make mistakes so some self-loathing thrown into the mix.
And many days I'll be nothing more than a bother.
And I will of course make mistakes so some self-loathing thrown into the mix.
I remember a few years ago, the first time I had these thoughts.
All of a sudden I hated the song Sweet Mother. I hated it.
The suffering is celebrated not regretted. As if it was inevitable. Can it not be inevitable?
All of a sudden I hated the song Sweet Mother. I hated it.
The suffering is celebrated not regretted. As if it was inevitable. Can it not be inevitable?
"Make things easier for mothers?Whoa whoa. Too extreme."
"Praise their suffering some more? Ah yes, much better."
"Praise their suffering some more? Ah yes, much better."
When all is said and done. At the risk of sounding like a stereotypical aunty, I'm 27. No one the horizon.
But also.
Not making enough to marry.
Not travelled.
Not done the things I want to do.
No masters.
But also.
Not making enough to marry.
Not travelled.
Not done the things I want to do.
No masters.
By the time I sort this out maybe I'm 32, 35.
Then the way the years go before you know it I'm 40.
And in spite of this thread, I worry about regret so much. So much.
I shouldn't.
Then the way the years go before you know it I'm 40.
And in spite of this thread, I worry about regret so much. So much.
I shouldn't.
But as I tweeted earlier this evening.
"Whatever my God ordains is right.
To him I leave it all."
"Whatever my God ordains is right.
To him I leave it all."
