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its bpd awareness month and as part of the bpd community im gonna make some of you aware of the term “favorite person” and why you should stop using it for shit that isnt what the word is for
also i completely understand if you didnt think twice to use that word before for smth not bpd related cause i get it “favorite person” does sound like a normal way to address ppl you love BUT im telling you rn what it is used for and i hope you stop using it in the future
another disclaimer is that fp experiences are unique to each person but the general gist of things are the same i will talk about my personal experience with an fp but dont assume that my experience is the same for all
okay so basically in the simplest definition of the word “favorite person” (or fp for short) is an intense attachment to a single person to the point that the person defines our mood and existence
if i was to describe my personal experience of having had an fp i would say that my whole life revolved around that person to the point that i depended my life on them.. they determined my mood and my self-worth based on the attention and care they give me
when that attention is taken away or if there even is a hint of doubt that the fp might actually dislike or not want to be with the borderline then they spiral and do all kinds of things to make sure that the fp wont leave or hate them with disregard for everything around them
this includes their own selves because having an fp means they entirely depend on that person for their existence and devote themselves to that person with an idea that the fp will devote themselves back
im not going to lie and say that this is easy because its not and having an fp is difficult because its a devotion in every sense of the word and its not an exaggeration when i say that an fp relationship is of intense attachment that can appear as dependence
however please dont assume that a favorite person relationship is automatically toxic or bad because it CAN be healthy and pleasant if both sides make it healthy so while it is difficult it isnt really a bad thing
and as bpd is a personality disorder ppl who have bpd have it for life so it is inevitable for them to have a favorite person relationship so instead of trying to prevent them ppl should just learn how to make fp relationships healthy
WITH THIS IN MIND ppl should stop using the term “favorite person” to describe ppl they love and i understand if u have used it before because the word does is unassuming and common enough to simply be a word to say to ppl you love
but using the term “favorite person” to refer to someone who isnt really a favorite person especially if youre not borderline is just terrible and kind of has the same feel as when ppl use the word “bipolar” to describe being moody or “ocd” to describe being neat
if you dont think this is bad think about it this way.. If i have a favorite person and i go and inform ppl about it they wouldnt think i was talking about an fp but just a person i really like so they dont understand the importance of this person in regards to my mental health
there are millions of other phrases and terms you can use to refer to people you love it doesnt have to be “favorite person” so i encourage you to simply use literally any other word than that
