Lets talk about imposter syndrome. As an FCA regulated trader it is mandatory for me to take an extra 2 week holiday no phome or access to emails so management can check my trades are not rogue etc. However, in my first year I didn't take a single day of work. A thread >>>

The FCA gave me a tap on the shoulder via our compliance team. I actually was not even conscious of the fact a year had flown by . I was dropping into work on weekends too before going to football > Brunch/Day Party > Home > Party > Home then a few hours on Sunday.

Despite getting a 2:2 in Maths, Econ and stats at uni Goldman Sachs was the only bank where the 2:1 min. requirement did not exist thank God - Happened to be the biggest/best investment bank in the world and I smashed all my tests/interviews. Saved also with 6A's at ALevel

I graduated from uni aged 20 my bosses words were "Don't worry about the 2:2 we can see you are smart". I was 20 and tasked with running the largest AUM trading book on the floor - happened also to be somewhat the least complex so that made sense. However, it was the most tedious

When I say tedious - everything was so manual which is why many traders avoided being tasked to manage it despite it being very lucrative. For an ambitious child from Peckham this was a huge opportunity - but IMPOSTER SYNDROME! There were only 2 black traders on the trading floor

I felt I couldn't afford to "flop" as my perception was important to pave the way for others like myself. I sacrificed alot of my free time to learn as much as possible. I never felt like I didn't have a life I felt like this was my new life - and I loved it! .. but ...

On the trading floor it is cut throat. As a trader 1 mistake could cost you your job. I was managing billions - this comes with good (ish) pay but also sacrifice. It was only much later in my career I realised I did not need to know everything - guys at the top were winging it!

I assumed that everyone else knew everything and so I sought out to meet that bar. I couldn't be the black guy who failed - this would make it harder for other black grads in future. That was my thought process anyway - I don't like to admit it but the adrenalin hid my burnout.

I am machine and I knew how I was moving was short term and not sustainable - at the same time I felt it was required. Soldiers go to war kmowing there is risk of death or PTSD. As a trader you know the high pressure of your job but it is important to find the right balance.

That was 2009 - now we are in 2021. You no longer need to be the genius or the brightest black kid in the room to get an opportunity. That feeling of being the fly in the coconut ice cream is getting less and less and diversity at entry level as soared. I am seeing more black vps

I decided to pen this thread to tell a but about my story - hopefully someone fresh out of uni reads this and takes things a bit easier. Hopefully the pressure is less because they see more people like themselves. My dms are open always #DiariesOfATrader

Sometimes our desire to leave a mark and our imposter syndrome causes us to overwork ourselves. This is something as a community we should be more conscious of. Work hard but don't feel it is a requirement to overwork. You shouldn't need to be the first one in last one out.

You can be the second one in and penultimate one out