here is the beginning of my Saw thread! please mute this thread if you don’t want to see my screaming all day. I’m going to keep any gore descriptions down to a very minimum and use “tw gore” at the top of any tweets with mentions of it. I’m gonna start in an hour or so.

this is going to be a mistake

oh boy here we go

I'm kind of pleasantly surprised that it hits the ground running. there's no boring setup, it's 0-100 real quick

... that sure is dialogue

these men trust each other an awful lot for having met in a torture room 10 minutes ago. I've seen friends doing escape rooms with less trust than this

the games are starting folks!!! we got SAWS

WAIT IS THAT WESTLEY FROM THE PRINCESS BRIDE

the editing of this movie just screams early 2000s. like I really respect what they did with such a small budget but there are some cuts that are just bonkers

I have to know what the conversation was that led to “he should be on a tricycle.” like what the fuck

alright back over to Saw where there's something with a two way mirror

Lawrence is like "you have to appreciate a perfect engine" and Adam's in the corner like

I’m kind of surprised at how light the torture has been for the past 45 minutes. I assume the other movies aren’t so forgiving

every time heavy metal is a prominent part of the soundtrack, I laugh a little bit

Jigsaw was the original ARG maker and I won’t be taking criticism on this

Adam pretending to cHOKE LMAO

some of the flashback sequences are just way too long. or maybe they’re just not spooky enough

Larry’s wife has done more for Larry’s survival than Larry by a significant margin

I SPOKE TOO SOON OH NO

holy shit
this movie really goes from like 100 in the first few minutes and then lulls and then goes right back up to 100 with ten minutes to spare

“you’re too late”
“why?”
“it’s

oh shit Zep isn’t Jigsaw
I mean I figured bc that would be too easy but that’s a nice fun twist
WAIT THAT GUY ISNT DEAD?

holy shit. I appreciate the ending a lot. I got kind of bored in the middle but that was a really satisfying spooky ending

ONTO SAW 2

2 really hits the ground running too huh

Saw movies really are just “police procedural but add torture and cursing” huh

is there an origin story on the remote control Jigsaw doll. did he make it? does he control it? WHY DOES IT EXIST

he’s really doing this to Amanda again huh

I just guess that the “strangers fighting” angle gets a little old pretty quick

WHEW THE FURNACE!! OH NO!!

honestly John is by far the most interesting character in any of these movies and I never thought I’d say that about a guy named John

love that muscle man always tries to break things as if we haven’t LEARNED ANYTHING

NOT THE PIT AHHHHHHHHH

hang on. so you’re telling me that there are like six people being tortured who were wrongly convicted of something -

and the one person who isn’t being tortured is the corrupt cop

this whole chase scene feels very Scooby Doo and also kind of not at all productive

but like... not only is the corrupt cop angle upsetting, I’ve lost any empathy with the main character and it feels like a huge undermine to the whole rest of the movie

not that there was much empathy to begin with... they’re cops
but like. any sense of belief is gone

I’m suspicious of Amanda. she seems to know Things

the biggest lesson in this movie is that Jigsaw doesn’t clean up after he’s done with a place, which seems... weird

I KNEW IT
AMANDA!!

whew. that one was bonkers too

alright time for a break then onto Saw 3

me, .01 seconds ago: the Saw movies aren’t that wild, I’m not scared
cut to me looking around every corner before I turn

alright. time for Saw 3
I'm ordering pizza bc I can't get through this without pizza

omg so we're starting off like RIGHT at the end of 2 huh. I don't wanna see this cop character ever again please stop making me interact with him

say what you want about Saw but they don't fuck around with their first five minutes of screentime and I respect that

the classroom with the chains? absolutely the fuck not. I hate it
I've heard 3 is when shit really hits the fan and I don't think I'm ready

I think Jigsaw's "torturing people who've been to prisoners" thing is a terrible perception of people who are incarcerated, which you'd think he knows bc he's well aware of corrupt cops. Saw has the opportunity to criticize mass incarceration but doesn't. in this essay I will-

tweeting about Saw is a fun challenge bc I'm trying to be as vague as physically possible about any gore or triggering stuff, but that's like 98% of all of the movies, so we just end up with tweets like "OH NO NOT THE PIT"

how does Jigsaw find the TIME. the FUNDING.

pizza has been obtained and we are on the ribcage trap and I Hate IT

NOOOO THIS SHOT IS SO FUNNY TO ME. WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA

this shot is literally a tiktok filter now.

honestly it's just funny to me that Jigsaw just like... leaves bodies all over the city and kidnaps people and has a giant warehouse somewhere and cops keep losing him somehow

Amanda's back and I feel like if these movies did right by her, I'd already know who she was before I watched these movies.
but I didn't, so I know they don't

I mean that she could be such an interesting anti-hero especially for like the early 2000s!! but I get the feeling she doesn't get the villain treatment she deserves

"Death is a surprise party" is a hardcore line and I think we should appreciate it more

ah yes... the vengeful father trope... a classic

I wanna say “why’s everyone so freaked out about Saw 3” but there’s still an hour and a half left

I already regret this

AHHHHH ITS C O L D

whew I hate the freezer puzzle. 0/10 would not recommend

no I hate medical horror no no no

Jigsaw: Makeshift Therapist

NO!! NOT THE PIG STUFF TRAP!! absolutely not. make it stop

oh no I’m only an hour in and this is rough folks. they’re about to preform BRAIN SURGERY in a BASEMENT of a MEAT PACKING FACTORY

“alright John I’m gonna remove the skull” absolutely not please do not do that.

oh so that’s how they ruin Amanda. great.

I was like oh she’s an interesting character, she knows her shit, she’s sassy

but her being like jealous of Lynn for no real reason is irritating and undermines what could be a really neat character

I’m disappointed but not surprised? >:(

holy shit that flashback was so long I forgot what we were actually talking about

“the rack”, or as I like to call it, “twister”

WHEW I HATE THIS! TWISTER IS BAD!

cool now that we’re done traumatizing me with THAT PART, I have no idea where this movie is headed

wait the two are MARRIED?

the pacing of these movies is just bonkers. it’s 0 or 100 and has some of the weirdest spots for soliloquies

Jeff don’t fuck this up dude

Jeff fucked it up oh my god

wait so if Amanda and John are both dead then what even is the fourth movie about

it starts with an autopsy on John and you just know they’re gonna find some wild shit in there

oh yeah boys we got another TAPE

this puzzle with these two guys just beating the shit out of each other wasn’t set up at all, so it just seemed weird? unnecessary? like what’s even going on

I tune out 99% at all the cop discussion scenes. I’ll figure out what they said later

wow these FBI agents are irritating as hell too. why is everyone in these movies insufferable

the way that we revealed Eric is a corrupt cop two movies ago, and we’re expected other characters to want to save him?? LIKE??

boy this trap with the hair... it’s too much. I hate it

omg that transition with the glass breaking into the precinct was NUTS. it was very good but I hate the context of it

love that we’ve pivoted to “what if Jigsaw had a girlfriend” so soon

if that dog dies I’m going to throw my pillow across the room

what the heck is even happening in this motel room rn

whew I hate this. there’s a lot of shorty stuff in this scene specifically that’s too triggering to talk about in a Twitter thread!! fuck this scene in particular

so you’re telling me that John broke up with Jill first? when he was KILLING people? and she was like “nah it’s good”

whew this spear trap is uh... a doozy huh

this shot made me laugh out loud. it's like he's waiting for you before a date

they really named a character Art Blank with a straight face

they even managed to make a woman who would’ve dated Jigsaw boring. like. hello??

it all goes back to the meat packing place
I bet we’re gonna see Jeff again

ohhhh Art was part of the mausoleum trap!! I was like bruh wtf

oooooh
wait
so the autopsy is after what happens in this movie??

WHAT TH E HELL

wait but why would other cop guy be working with John?? EXPLAIN

alright I’m done with Saw 4
I can finally rest until tomorrow

it’s Saw 5 time folks. it’s gonna be a ride

I’m not ready for this. why did they think they should make 5 of these movies

whoop this pendulum trap stresses me OUT this is such a terrible way to start a Sunday

oh no the idea of these two films playing at the same time in a theater is so funny to me.

head in a box, head in a box
OH NO WHAT’S HE DOING

oh no we’re still doing this whole thing with John’s ex wife huh
she’s just so boring

new Jigsaw guy is like... weirdly stoic and boring and I’m super skeptical about how this movie will hold up without John

someone explain to me how on earth I’m supposed to keep these characters straight. they’re the same man, just different fonts

every time a character says “let’s just keep our cool” in a Saw movie, Jigsaw gets a little more powerful

this key/wire trap is STRESSING ME OUT OH NO

when is Jigsaw gonna do a trap where you have to do a jigsaw puzzle to escape. it’s gotta happen right

I need someone to make one long Saw movie that’s all of the scenes in chronological order bc this is getting ridiculous

there’s a Saw wiki and it does have things listed in chronological order but the page is like a mile long oh mAN

Saw 5 is really just feeling like “Saw: Greatest Hits” bc 80% of it is just investigative flashbacks
someone free me from this prison

so you’re telling me that John was working with Hoffman and Amanda at the same time as protégées and they never like. crossed paths
they were essentially Murder Coworkers

WOW THANKS I hate the electric circuit trap

now I get a Spiral ad every time I open Twitter

“we were supposed to work together this whole time!”

honestly the main theme for Saw kinda slaps. I love when they use it in the movies even if I’ve lost all track of what’s going on

the tightening room trap was good but the way it just ENDED - this one definitely didn’t feel like a complete movie
... onto the next one

Saw 6 is off to a rough start - the first trap wasn’t really a trap

are the traps getting worse or am I just becoming numb? we just don’t know

what bothers me the most is Hoffman COULD be an interesting character, but instead of the writers committing to him being either unhinged or composed, they just make him boring instead

oh are we finally committing to a direction for Jill!! are we FINALLY just admitting she’s also a serial killer or are we gonna be vague about that too

one of the funniest parts about these movies is to indicate pre-Jigsaw John flashbacks, he has the smallest bit of facial hair. that’s it. it’s literally just a stripe down his chin

Saw 6 almost passes the Bechdel test

it’s a shame no one knows how to write any WOMEN THOUGH

Amanda and Hoffman could’ve had such a COOL DYNAMIC and they just decided to have them kind of passing each other in flashbacks. ugh I have a bone to pick

I don’t know if the traps feel less creative because it’s a commentary on Hoffman, or if they just ran out of steam after six movies, or if I’ve just finally hit my limit in terms of the hundreds of horror movies I’ve seen

I do really like the commentary on health care insurance in this one though. like it really feels like this is the first one that wanted to make an overarching statement but it doesn’t quite hit the mark

alright I spoke too soon, I hate the steam room trap

oh my GOD THE CAROUSEL TRAP!! that’s a bonkers one

it goes on for so LONG oh NO

Hoffman listening to the cops try to decode a tape that has his voice on it

OH BOY WE WENT FROM 0-100 THINGS ARE GOING PLACES NOW

hang on... Hoffman did WHAT with Struhm’s hand?

hang on is that RODRICK HEFFLEY? in MY SAW 6?

hang on so you’re telling me that the Hoffman setup has been there since 3? did they do that on purpose or was it more of like “this’ll be cool and we’ll figure it out later”

JILL? MA’AM?

HOLY SHIT THERE IS SO MUCH GOING ON RIGHT NOW

RODRICK MY DUDE

what the mcfreaking hell

never thought that Saw 6 would be the second best one. holy shit. I’m startled

alright Saw 7
or as some people call it “Saw: The Final Chapter” like liars

wait LARRY’S BACK?
I always wondered what happened to him

as much shit as I talk about the timeline, the fact that all the movies take place in like a week long period is pretty impressive

there he is... on his little tricycle

deeply funny to hear Jigsaw say the name “Brad” for some reason

I was like “ew why are they doing the gore this way” but I guess this was the 3D Saw so... it’s gonna be a ride

do y’all think that the insurance company from Saw 6 being called “Umbrella” is a Resident Evil reference, or do people just get a kick out of the name Umbrella for bad corporations

wait who’s this guy who thinks he survived a fuckin trap

I just talked to my mom and she was like “what are you up to today” and I was like “uhh... nothing.”

one of the things though is like... I don’t really believe that Hoffman would have the engineering skill for any of these things

HANG ON IS THAT CHESTER BENNINGTON

I have no idea what the timeline of this movie is or what the hell is going on, I just know that Larry is back with a different accent?

Bobby: I’m lying about escaping Jigsaw, it’s fine
Jigsaw: :^)

the new IA guy is rude and weird and not very bright and I don’t understand why the writers keep introducing characters who suck

oh boy it’s 2010 and they’re still using TAPES!!

oh Nope I hate the fishhook trap. absolutely not. thank you.

wait hang on so Bobby started lying before John died? what the fuck has happened to the timeline

oh man the gore in this one is just. bad. like they were like “we’re gonna make it in 3D so we gotta make it more obnoxious”

like I know the whole traps with a Bobby are there and all, but we haven’t seen Hoffman in like eight years, Larry showed up for 3 seconds, John existed in a flashback... there’s like no cohesion here

the plank trap is good and spooky. feels much more like the Saw basics

can’t believe it took til Saw 7 to have a teeth related trap smh

alright IA guy died and Hoffman’s just like running around unaliving people so like. what separates this Saw movie from any other slasher movie

what’s the plot of this movie!! when does it take place!!

WAIT LARRY’S HERE AGAIN

HANG ON so you mean to tell me that Larry is ANOTHER ACCOMPLICE? EXCUSE ME?

at least they wrapped it al back up in the bathroom? like this could’ve been narratively satisfying if it wasn’t just like a footnote at the end of the movie??

crawling to the end of the finish line with Jigsaw. I’m so close to being out of this

seeing a Saw movie in UHD seems like a poor decision on my part honestly

genuinely I think that a zombie John would be the franchise’s best option at this point

the way that none of the captives know about Jigsaw or anything, when Jigsaw was implied to be like the biggest serial killer ever for the whole series, implies that this movie either takes place in a different universe or no one remembers anything

THERE HE IS! ON HIS TRICYCLE AGAIN! except now he’s got an upgrade - LED eyes

is that another cassette tape.

the antidote trap... how Saw 2