/ angst with a happy ending

Sakusa Kiyoomi is in love with Miya Osamu.

He has been for a long time now.

He thinks he fall for his hands: their care as they give rice the perfect form, their movements as they cook, their warmth when they brused against his arm once. https://twitter.com/nonlovso/status/1390222571950546947

Osamu, a man that gives people a sense of stability, with a flourishing business and broad shoulders and a confident smile.

Sakusa wants that. That same stability is what Sakusa has been working on for years. He craves that.

His hands are careful, agile, kind.

How unfortunate, then, that Sakusa has to deal with his twin.

Miya Atsumu, a man whose only consistency is inconsistence, a man with fidgety hands and vivacious eyes and a smile that promises bad decisions.

Atsumu is chaos. He's loud, messy and his actions are based on impulse.

Everything about Miya Atsumu feels precarious.

Everything about him suggests the idea of the fall.

And fall is what he does.

Atsumu Miya falls for Sakusa Kiyoomi in the same moment a ball hits the ground on the other side of the net.

Atsumu lowers his arms.

Sakusa lands gracefully.

Black Jackals win the match.

And, as his teammats hold him up for a hug, Atsumu Miya falls

But the thing about falling is that, once you do, you don't want other people to know it happened.

So Atsumu hides it.

He hides it when he catches himself staring too much and averts his gaze.

He hides it when he lets his hand linger close to Sakusa's skin, but avoids touch.

He discovers he made the right choice when Sakusa approaches him and reveals he has a crush for Atsumu's brother.

He doesn't let Sakusa see the way his heart's walls crumble at the revelation.

Sakusa asks for help.

Atsumu thinks he can't say yes.

Atsumu says yes.

And so he helps. Because, really, that's all he can do.

He cares about Osamu. He won't admit it but, even if he told him he was goingto live the happier life, he thinks he still values Osamu's happiness over his own.

He wants Osamu to be happy, to be cared for.

And he knows that Sakusa might be prickly and hard to satisfy and full of boundaries you have to approach with gloves...but he knows Sakusa.

In his heart, he is sure Sakusa can love Osamu in the way he deserves to be loved.

And he knows Osamu will do the same.

For the first time in his life, Atsumu Miya takes a step back.

Osamu has always accused him of being a habitual liar. Atsumu decides to prove he's right. Even more, he decides to become a good liar.

So good that, at some point, he starts believing the lies he fed to himself.

He starts believing that he is destined to be second best for the rest of his days.

That all those feelings he kept following so blindly betrayed him when he least expected them to.

He starts believing that he is undeserving of love.

But he never lets anybody notice.

The thing about gravity is that it's infinitely easier to fall than to get back up again.

And Atsumu feels like he falls a little more every time Sakusa flies, orbitating towards one of his tosses.

Every time he sees his eyes sparkle and his nose scrunch a bit under the mask.

And it hurts his chest when he brings Sakusa to his brother's restaurant. It breaks him when Sakusa's eyes are so fixated on Osamu's hands they can barely notice Atsumu's teary eyes one breath away from him.

It hurts when Sakusa tells him...

It happens on a disgustingly hot summer night.

They are on the couch, watching movies in Atsumu's apartment, or at least pretending to do so.

Sakusa is looking at the corner of the tv, mind lost somewhere among the roads that bring to Onigiri Miya.

Atsumu is looking at him.

Suddenly, Sakusa turns towards him and says "I'm going to confess"

A shiver scratches Atsumu's back. He draws his legs towards his torso and rests his head on his knees.

Sakusa is nervous. Atsumu doesn't miss the way his bottom lip trembles slightly.

"Do you think he's going to say yes?"

Atsumu doesn't know what possesses his body when henreaches out a hand and tucks on of Sakusa's curls behind his ear. He doesn't know why he lets his fingers linger on Sakusa's skin.

"He will"

"How can you be sure?"

"Who wouldn't?"

Sakusa looks at him.

Atsumu feels like it's the first time Sakusa is actually looking at him.

"You're crying"

"I am"

"Why?" Sakusa's question feels more like a breath.

Atsumu doesn't respond.

There's a second of quiet. They both take a breath.

Atsumu knows that Sakusa is about to ask something else and he knows he is not ready to give him an honest answer. So he decides to speak first.

"He'll say yes"

He wipes his tears. The discussion ends.

They both go back to pretending to watch tv.

And then Sakusa leaves.

Disclaimer: this has, indeed, a happy ending, i'll just write it later cause i am busy atm