Still ruminating on Jenni’s words. So here’s a thread. https://twitter.com/jenni_gritters/status/1390723749230546950

I would have ran towards the bombing. In fact, I have run towards a bomb. I have been right at the site of a bombing, and left and went back.

I have this in my office. And now I’m not too sure why.

Here’s the thing: I was young then. 25. & excited as hell to leave a city that seemed way too cutthroat. I don’t remember why I went, but I remember the thrill of scrambling together my things at the apartment, the wind in my hair on that humid evening on the back of a motorbike

I thought I was finally doing it. It, being, journalism. Documenting the news.

A few of my friends encouraged me to follow the story. They told me anecdotes about how other foreign reporters used events like this as their “big break.” But waiting on news conferences felt too boring, and I had other stuff I wanted to do.

A week or so after the bombing I headed north. To work on a story that later published: https://www.npr.org/sections/goatsandsoda/2016/03/31/469608931/only-one-country-offers-universal-health-care-to-undocumented-migrants

NPR paid me the standard fare, $300. And I easily spent 100 hours on that one story reporting, writing. But I did it for the glory of it all, injecting new analysis into something that nobody had written about for.

To say I’ve changed a lot since then is an understatement. To wonder why I’m still doing this today is anyone’s guess.

Maybe it’s because I’ve found a more sane way to do this work. Maybe it’s because I adhere to the boundaries I’ve set myself. Maybe it’s because I’ve finally found editors who I work well with and don’t exploit me.

I believe there is a sane and healthy way to freelance as a journalist and that’s a big reason why @jenni_gritters and I started @TWC_pod.

In doing so, we wanted to empower our listeners, our members. We wanted you to make sense of a broken system.

But the thing is, asking individuals to play their part in a broken system is the same as asking individuals to fly less and eat less meat as the inevitability of climate change crashes around them.

The system is still super broken. The building still crumbling. The onus shouldn’t be on us to stay our ground. And yet.

I don’t know how much longer I’m going to continue to produce journalism. But it’s worked for me so far (about 75% of my income is from journalism — that # has been pretty consistent throughout.) and I’m well aware that the walls can come down any time.