Thread: autism/consent

So I heard to story at school this week about an autistic teenage boy who has a lot of crushes on girls who don’t reciprocate and it got me thinking about autistic people and consent

There is a common myth I’ve heard about autistic people that we don’t understand. For example, my niece who when she plays with other kids she sometimes gets a little bit close in their personal space, or hugging them a lot when they don’t want to be hugged.

I’ve heard people say about her “she doesn’t understand that they don’t like it” etc. As an autistic person that doesn’t seem right to me.

I know all autistic people are different but in my experience we are often hyper aware about behaviour of others because we are really worried about breaking rules we don’t know exist

So my interpretation of her behaviour is that she understands that the other kids don’t like what she is doing but she is ignoring it. This is where it comes down to consent.

Kids in general pick up behaviour of those adults around them but it’s different for autistic kids because they don’t see the nuances or the behaviour or when it is appropriate to behave a certain way and when it’s not

So in the case of my niece, she sees adults not respecting her space and her boundaries and she sees it’s an okay thing to do.

So for autistic kids it’s especially important to model healthy behaviour and respect their space and bodily autonomy because they don’t understand the nuances of consent. They need to be clear that it’s not okay to touch people without the consent ever.

An important part of this is being aware that autistic kids can be really sensitive to be being touched. Some love it, some hate it! So it’s important to let them draw clear boundaries from when they are young about what works for them and respect them.

So that when they get to teenage years they are aware of what is okay and what isn’t for them and their peers as well!

This is especially important in the case of things like forcing them to brush their teeth, wear clothes they don’t want to, eat food they don’t want to eat etc. These are areas where autistic kids often get no say. Find work arounds! Let them choose their food a clothes etc

Oh I forgot to tag #actuallyaustistic #AskingAutistics #neurodiversesquad I’m interested in what others think!

Autistic kids can be vulnerable to grooming, sexual violence etc because they are used to having their wishes overlooked anyway!

And autistic teenagers, especially boys like the one I mentioned above are less likely to look for consent in their partners if they have had their wishes ignored in these areas.

So anyway, consent for everyone! Especially autistic people! Even if you think it’s a weird thing to ask consent for!