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god i just.... yearn so much for the comfort of hangin out with people. i just wanna sit in a tiny living room where four people at a table is almost too many and we're drinking and laughing and people are close enough to bump shoulders with. i am Yearning so fucking badly aaaa
thinking about how a friend reached out to get me back in on boardgame/dnd night but then the next wave hit and we never got around to it and thinking about the birthday of a friend where we just ended up at somebody's apartment and just hung out for a bit.... hh
also desperately wishing i had had the courage to join the queer cafĂš in town so that id have a queer circle in my immediate vicinity and i just keep daydreaming about what it couldve been like to hang out and know that im safe and just. People. i miss them.
really wish adrian and me had managed to get a more solid friendship going i missed out on my fairy godqueer and i miss the potential SO MUCH. like i just keep thinking about adrian grabbing my hands on a bus ride and looking at me and going "you're okay" and GOD i 
like i dont regret changing uni usually, because i like the new one! not that ive seen much of it w online uni but yknow. but god i miss leaving grammar class when its already dark and the bus stop is full of people and it was just. comfortable. nice. i miss having friends
which dont get me wrong i still have friends!! i just. i miss having people in my vicinity, i miss company. i dont have any uni friends now, i have no friends i just casually hang out with. sure i have scouts but thats it. i dont have hanging out friends, esp not rn. and it hurts
this thread was not planned and i am absolutely crying. im just so fucking starved for interaction that isn't filtered through a screen and doesn't revolve around a task. i just. i fucking want to go back.
i always say that i soak up energy by being around people but i dont think it really hit me just how painfully true that is until now. i kept saying how i'm not as affected by the pandemic because i was always home on the couch before it hit but now that just feels like a lie
like sure i've been at home since november-december of 2019 so seemingly i didn't have a social life that could be impacted but fuck i'm feeling it now. i'm so fucking lonely man
